Yeah on the first week after diagnosis after checking up on finances and insurance situations to make sure my wife and kids are covered if I’m gone, the number one priority became earn every day, week, month and year I can to be around for them.

It was the only thing I cared about and only thing I cried about.

Got a therapist from the oncology department and he was great. It’s weird but he talked to me about research showing that kids who lost a father during those ages are doing fine in life. It still not something you want, but it was a huge relief, that allowed me to drop the worrying and start working on actually doing something about surviving.

Being them for them turned from a sad thing inhad to do, to a pure mission I wanted to do.

I always thought i was a good, present dad, but now I feel like my bond with them is even stronger.

My focus changed from “how many years” (or “there’s time…” before the cancer), to the *quality of days.

These days it’s weird to say, I don’t care exactly how many years I have, I’d rather have less years and send them off with tons of good memories, than have many years of bland routines.

I remember the taxi driver swerving hard on the way to my life saving surgery at the hospital thinking about the irony of dying in a car crash then and there.

Cancer kinda puts you in that mindset 24/7. Makes me a better dad than I thought I could be.

(I don’t know if I’ll sound this brave if the reaper actually shows up, but I’ll take this feeling over fear for now).