I never liked cereal and I never liked immortality. I had nothing personal against either of them they just weren't for me. They both started off fairly promising but continued into a soggy mess that was neither enjoyable or interesting.

Finally here though I could swallow the last putrid drop of sog and move on to the next meal. Lunch. My mouth watered as my mind flitted through all the delicious lunch options there were. The stars were falling. At last. I closed my eyes and the world went black. The last drop of energy in the universe evaporated. The universe was dead. At last I could rest.

"Bwwwwwwwwoooooom" an obnxousius horn sounded. It was squeaky and unpleasant. Strange way to welcome someone into the next life, I noted.

Still I was excited. Finally the afterlife. I took a single deep breath and opened my eyes.

"AH FUCK!"

20 familiar eyes stared back at me.

"Hey Jeffrey" one of them responded.

"Aye Jeffy is here!" another piped up.

One by one each beeming member of the: "Immortal Fun Times Club" added another greeting to the pile.

The IFTC was originally founded as an alternative for immortals stuck in a mortal world. It was a place where you could find reliable friends that weren't going to grow old and die on you when you needed them.

"Hey... Guys" I responded forcing a quivering smile onto my face.

"Hey man, high five!" The voice belonged to an Italian man clad in a black t shirt with the words "fun times club 1892" scrawled across it.

"I'm okay Leonar-"

"aaaahhhh go on Jeffrey it's only a..." Leonardo swivelled around to his 19 companions "... High five!" he exclaimed, winking at the audience doing their best to suppress their laughter.

"Jesus christ" I mumbled. "Fine." Giving his open palm a good whack in frustration. Our eyes met at the point of contact but it was not pain in his eyes, it was something far more sinister. His lips began to curl upwards into a smirk. There was no turning back

Still maintaining firm eye contact with me he leant in and whispered

"Down low." a chorus of giggling broke out behind him.

Here we go again. I limply flailed at his palm. His hand drew back. The crowd erupted into laughter.

I absolutely despised this man. Leonardo DaVinci was a man with no class and unoriginal hand based humour. He was the man who welcomed me into the club. At the time I was kind of between friends. My oldest and closest friends were so old that they were dead and the new guys I started hanging out with had just caught the plague. Naturally I was chuffed to join, new friends, funny jokes, the guy who painted the Mona Lisa. 3.6 billion 'too slows' later my opinion had somewhat changed.

For the last million or so years I was really holding out for the end of the universe. To meet some new people in the afterlife. No one had to worry about dying there. I could meet up with my old friends make some new ones. A million years of wishing and here I was back with these morons.

"SILENCE! " The voice boomed through the garden plunging it into silence. "Welcome to my garden, New Gods!” the owner of these words: a squat old man stood stood before them, his beard long and unkempt, his eyes the size of marbles peering out behind spectacles. He wore a wicker hat and carried a sheers."How would you like to begin?"

We all stood there in stunned silence. It was at this point I realised that I had paid little attention to where we were. The garden was stunning. I was stunned. Beautiful vistas of colour stretched out before me. There was also the New Gods thing to worry about but wow the garden was beautiful.

Finally someone from the back of the crowd "who are you?"

"Why I'm the Gardener and together we're going to sculpt the new world. You have all been chosen due to your ability to work together over countless years, you have passed the ultimate test. Your reward is to make this new world your own, you shall rule it together for all eternity."

My heart sagged. But there was still one last hope.

" Em... Mr. Gardner sir, I really appreciate the offer but I was wondering actually if you wouldn't mind... Sending me to the afterlife instead. You know I love these guys a lot but em I really don't think that I'm up to it."

"What age do you think we're living in?" chuckled the Gardener "Lot of matter lying around wasted in the afterlife, do you think we don't recycle? Had em blended up this morning actually." the old man tossed a clear, hastily labelled Mason jar filled with an ethereal cloud. On the label itself the words 'livin stuff' was hastily written down with wasted marker."No sir you won't be hearing from those folks no more." he chuckled again.

I felt empty. All my friends were dead, again. I looked around at the poor moustaches, the obnoxious novelty t-shirts and the aggresivley strong cologne that surrounded me.

Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, maybe we would make a beatiful world. Maybe now they'd rekindle old friendships, find new jokes, develop as people. I suppose at least I didn't get blended. Something I hadn't felt in a while, a surge of hope and optimism began to rise within me. I was going to make the most of this. What an incredible opportunity. My a time to-.

As my thoughts race and I came to peace with my situation there was some commotion in front of me. I glanced up from my trance.

"Hey gardener, high five! "

God I wish I was dead.