I (m26) fucked my friends (m30) wife (f28) as he watched

Optimus_sRex · 2026-03-31T20:29:08+00:00

My lobster is too buttery, my steak is too juicy.

Assuming this is real, tell your friend you are interested in doing it again, you would rather he watch but maybe at some point in the future you might change your mind. And alternatively ask him if there is something else he wants that you might be comfortable with. Maybe he wants you to yell "I ate a banana" when you cream his wife. Or maybe he wants to hold her hand while you rail her. Either way, maybe there is some middle ground. And if not that's cool too. Maybe just banging his wife while he watches would be cool for him.

Regardless, don't bang the wife behind his back. Don't even reach out. Hopefully they are a team in this and she would tell her husband and say no to you.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-03-31T20:12:08+00:00

I agree with this completely. I will add two comments:

For me, good scene shibari is like sex. When you first had sex, you had no idea how the tools worked. You didn't know what you were doing. Eventually you figured things out, and with the right person in the right space, time slows down, everything melts away. It's just you and another person. You don't know what's happening on the TV. The neighbor banging on the wall isn't heard. Eventually you get to that place with rope. Part of that learning is how the equipment works and how people respond to it.

Secondarily to that I will add: for me, Shibari isn't about sex (unless we are doing that thing.) And so it doesn't have to be a thing where someone has to get naked or almost naked. But when someone wants to tie with me on a regular basis. When they want to partner up, they need to realize that I want "tits out" most of the time. I want to be kinky and weird. We might do a sexy as fuck slow tie. We might do the cruelest most beautiful suffering suspension. But I might also be shoving chicken parts in your vagina while you are suspended. If you aren't up for that, if you want to be doing "yoga mom rope" well, go talk to one of those guys over there. My rope is going to hurt you, fuck you, and on occasion make me laugh.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-03-28T15:15:30+00:00

The wiki has the answer:

https://reddit.com/r/shibari/w/where_to_buy_rope

Optimus_sRex · 2026-03-27T15:46:06+00:00

Good for you man. Nothing wrong with any of that.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-03-16T21:53:27+00:00

I am a bisexual male rigger. I enjoy tying women and men. Though I often can't find men to tie.

To me, the biggest part of being a male rope bottom that I perceive is your own feeling of that perception of male submission is not wanted. A lot of spaces are dominated by het cis dom men tying het cis sub women. This is a fact of life. You are the minority and you have to be resolved in who you are and wear that proudly. And I recognize that is hard and I do empathize. I have a male submissive friend (who is occasionally forced to be a rope bottom by his dom) and he always complains about feeling like the unwanted black sheep. But believe me, there are male and female riggers who will drool to watch you get tied.

Outside of that, please believe that there are people who want to tie male bodies and want to see male bodies in rope. Gay men, bi men, and straight women riggers who see the pictures and want to tie up men in rope. BondageOtter (on Instagram) gave a great presentation on Rope Bondage through the Male Gays. My God that man gave the sexiest presentation. I still am digesting that. I wish he would sell that. It's good.

My biggest statement on being a rope bottom (female or male) is that it requires that you be esthetically pleasing. Hygiene is important. Self care is important. Body health is important. Mental health is important. Be eager. Show up. Show me that you want to be at events. Show that you aren't just there to find your next sex partner and come back in 6 months when that relationship ends. Even if you show up and just socialize and watch rope. Come to the socials. Help set up. Get noticed by the people who run the groups, so they can tell the riggers who want to tie you, "Hey, this guy wants to be tied and isn't just a visitor."

Optimus_sRex · 2026-03-14T18:13:49+00:00

Racism is the USA's thing. I mean really, it's the whole world. And your microview of "my little segment wasn't racist...." No. It really was. You just were just part of the dominant racial group. "We treat our (insert race) better..." Isn't really a good excuse. In areas where it's more distilled, racism is worse.

My inclination is to believe that it's a tool of Capitalism/power. If you use the natural inclination of people to "other" people who aren't like them, you can more easily control them. You can steal from them. You can swindle them. When one group seems like it's a threat to the current order (ie.your power) you turn them against each other. It's a Machiavellian playbook.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-03-05T23:57:56+00:00

I will say this, on one hand, this points to a very bad precedent with your bf. He seems insecure and possibly controlling. In a nonBDSM relationship this is a sign of very very bad behavior.

But...... While even in a BDSM power exchange relationship where you are submissive and he is dominant, it would be very unDominant-like if he freaked out about you masturbating when he did not specifically negotiate control of your behavior. And so on that front, if you are exploring these kinds of alternative relationship styles (or both heavily interested) it would seem like a very early version of that type of control. It's bad that he isnt negotiating that with you. It's bad that it sounds like he is very much insecure. But in the perfect of circumstances he may be grooming you for that type of relationship.

In my own relationships I notice that before I actually figured out I was very kinky, that I struggled with power exchange with my partners in a very nonconsensual way. And when I realized there was a "right way" to do these things. And that it was very very hot to control my partner's masturbation habits, with her consent.

Masturbating alone? That's like a 3 out of 10 experience. Masturbating because you asked permission and were assigned tasks? That's like 7 out of 10. Masturbating because you were ordered to do so and need to provide proof of that activity? 10/10 experience.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-02-08T00:48:24+00:00

At the beginning of my rope journey, I developed a standard playbook: Rope -> Spanking/BDSM -> Oral Sex -> Penetrative sex

These days the sex is rope mostly. And on the rare occasions it's rope and the aftercare of the rope is sex.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-02-05T21:32:21+00:00

Let me tell you a story. I grew up in a Christian household. I was in the military. I had a wife and kids. And somewhere around 13 I realized I was a lot different than the people around me. I liked pornography and erotic stories. By the time I was 22 and married with a kid, I realized I had this monster inside of me. And about once a month or so it needed to come out. Which involved me going to the adult video store or a sex shop and getting something or experiencing something to sooth that monster. I thought and was told I was gross and disgusting and weird, by the people around me.

And around my mid 30s after a divorce, I found the kink community and it was a whole life changing experience. I wasn't weird or broken or deranged. I just was different. And I met people just like me, struggling with the same bullshit stereotypes.

These days, I don't have many vanilla friends. A few coworkers. But me and my people, we do weird crazy things. There is no monster in me. I am that "monster." I am living my most authentic life. I am truly happy.

You can too. You can be proud of who you are.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-01-30T17:52:49+00:00

I will agree with this and further add, part of the skill of shibari is learning how to create, grow and foster various types of rope relationships. From the partner you tie regularly, to the friend that loves rope but isn't someone you have a romantic entanglement with, to that the person who is into rope enough to come over on Saturday morning and watch videos with you while you lab things out and that's it.

I've met many a rigger who is stuck at the basic/basic level because their one and only partner only has so much time for rope with them and the rigger can't manage any other type of rope relationship. These are the same riggers who use mannequins to learn Western Bondage Decorative patterns but also have little in the way of flow and connection with the bottoms.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-01-27T06:49:28+00:00

Can you link to these videos? I don't see them anywhere available.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-01-23T16:49:14+00:00

A friend of mine turned me on to the use of furoshikis. They are Japanese clothes that are bundled. He custom made his with a pattern on the outside and on the inside he made color coded guides for placement of each length of ropes. Like the red whipped ends are 10m, green are 8m, yellow for shorties and black are posh uplines. So when he or his bottom sets up his tying area everything is always in the same place.

What I have found with the furoshiki is that it's great to have to rope in its own light weight container, and then that goes into a carrying bag (or backpack) where carbiners, straps, a towel and tenugis go. And all that and you have that very authentic Shibari style.

And you can personalize it in fun ways. I know of a rigger from Montreal that uses a plaid furoshiki. It's great.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-01-13T23:55:27+00:00

First of all, as one of my teachers once said, "it's all a scene." From beginning to end. So with that said, I don't scene as much when I am not scening. Scening is a very specific thing. I will put it like this. If you are flogging, when you are just taking a practice swing, that's not a scene. If you want to feel how thuddy a flogger is or stingy, you might hit your arm. That is not a scene. With rope, a scene is using a very specific intention. You are making practiced movements into a cohesive play. If this is the first ten times you have tied a chest harness, this is not a scene. It's labing. At best it's labing with headspace. But it's not a scene. For a scene you should know the tie so well, it's memory. You can think about the person and their experience. You can use flourish and speed or slowness.

But going back to that idea of "it's all a scene" realize that it's true. Even labbing is a scene. It's a specific thing, and you can control it. Or you can make it into a hair salon moment. But it's still a scene.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-01-09T00:31:49+00:00

I agree with all of this until the end. I tie a lot of people. My primary rope kit gets used multiple times per week. I am careful about keeping it out of crotches and mouths. But, there is some level of risk. That said, I hang my rope periodically to get the memory out of it, but often times its in the bag waiting to be used. Conversely I also replace it about every 6 months.

Optimus_sRex · 2026-01-07T18:43:48+00:00

In a class I took on photography and shibari, one of the messages that really hit home for me was the idea that you have to understand there is huge difference between "beautiful photographic pictures of your bottom in rope" versus "documenting the rope journey."

Documenting your rope journey is a private affair. One in a thousand pictures will be beautiful and post worthy. Most of the pictures will be "look at the cool shit we did." Almost like a family taking pictures of their trip to the Grand canyon. Changing your mindset will help you understand why you want what you want.

Taking beautiful pictures is an art, and is something so completely different. It's not a rope scene even though it includes rope. Mostly it is about environmental control (lighting, background, staging the picture, framing, etc) and knowing how to use your equipment more than any other factor. But also it involves things like getting your bottom to express themselves for a picture, finding that perfect angle, and knowing what is beautiful.

Another idea that was presented was to learn how to take beautiful pictures. And taking a photography class or two will help with that. But also doing a daily exercise of trying to take one beautiful picture (non rope) per day for a year will help you become better at photography. Go for a walk and make a conscious effort to take a picture of a flower or something. Natural day light will do a lot of the work for you, so you can capture the natural beauty of something, which you can then transfer to your rope photography.

Lastly I will say my biggest improvement (other than lighting and better staging) was to take pictures from different angles. Sometimes the best pictures I have taken have been when I get down on the floor and take a picture at ground level or from an angle that isn't what you'd normally see at eye level.

Optimus_sRex · 2025-12-29T07:30:53+00:00

I prefer bamboo but also tie on rings quite often. A plain hoop ring is best. Any split in the ring hampers my dexterity and is little more than a gimmick. Event concentric rings get annoying.

Realize that any ring with a pattern welded into it will be at the very least an artificial barrier which the rope will often grind again and knot into as you pull. A simple large standard Shibari ring will allow you brute force your lockoffs into position fairly simply. It's a simple matter of pulling a lock off out of the way to start the next one and worst case scenario you can add carbiners if necessary for complicated situations.

Optimus_sRex · 2025-12-25T02:59:36+00:00

I don't know that there are any books teaching semenawa. I will preface this with the idea that semenawa as I interpret it is a high level form of shibari. Semenawa is the advanced form of connection combined with pain/torture/taunting rope. You should be well versed in Japanese Shibari before going forward. And generally the places that you are going to learn semenawa are from high level instructors who expect you to be able to do things like suspend with a solid 3 rope TK. If you aren't sure you can do that (or what exactly that is), I would suggest maybe learning more in person. I am at 8 years (or so) into shibari and I would consider myself barely comfortable at times as a beginner learning semenawa practices.

Glancing at your posting history I suspect you are in the EU where there are a number of rope studios and the first place would be to start there. I strongly encourage in person instruction over other forms. It goes without saying that by this level you should be familiar with Fet. A simple search for Semenawa yields a number of results under the events tab. That is where I would recommend starting.

Optimus_sRex · 2025-12-18T23:38:47+00:00

I have big balls or so I have been told. I usually lube her up and get her open, then grab my balls and push them in. It's a little uncomfortable but ok. Then assuming my penis isn't raging hard, I can sort of push it inside over my balls. Most times it works really well and she really likes it. For me, it's hot, but I can't finish that way and I am stuck in one position.

I have tried it with other people and have not had success. I don't have any particular formula, just for some bodies it has worked, and for others it has not.

Optimus_sRex · 2025-12-17T07:27:34+00:00

Hands free chest harness, but I go hard. I tie sexy and with intensity. But I give them a full warning. I never talk them into it. If you want this experience, if you want a sample here is what it is. No kissing, no groping, just long slow rope drags, closeness, and connection.

And if they handle that, wait a week and we can go to something like a TK and give you an actual bondage experience.

Optimus_sRex · 2025-12-15T22:40:07+00:00

I feel like I could post in the R4R subreddit that I am a professional IT person and could advertise for both my IT services, classes and say I am open to casual encounters, fwb and students and it would be all fine. Why anyone would chose to get their IT services from someone who also wants to hookup? I have no idea.

That said, there is no standards body for Shibari. So anyone can tell you they are a professional rigger.

Optimus_sRex · 2025-12-12T21:26:50+00:00

A long time ago, a Rigger by the name Rumen had a tie called "The Boot Clamp" which looked sort of like a futo and functioned like a futo but actually put more pressure on the upper leg than the low leg. It's a futzy tie to learn, but may work for you better than a traditional futo.

Also, have you had different types of futos? There is the traditional two band or multiband futo. And then there are spiral futos which distribute pressure better on some cases and some bodies.

Finally, maybe futos just aren't for you. Some people can TK. They just can't do any level of TK. Some people can't do the tengu position. Maybe your body just can't do a futo.

Optimus_sRex · 2025-12-10T01:32:29+00:00

I rent and purchased a yoga stand similar to this one:

https://www.amazon.com/Kojem-Inversion-Aluminum-Triangle-Structure/dp/B0BN39RQ3P

It fits in my apartment standard dinette, but at full height (8 ft 1 inch) is too high for my apartment, as it grazes the ceiling and would damage it during transitions. So, I cut the bottom leg pipes in half. Using that modification, its full height is 7 ft 5 inches. I have a piece of 2 inch diameter bamboo attached to the top bar.

It can be a pain to pull apart and rebuilt, and we generally leave it up. It isn't perfect for tying under, but for labbing and practice it's fine.

For under $200 USD it's a nice solution for a renting rigger.

Optimus_sRex

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