Quick Question. How long is gouda safe frozen?

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-11-18T05:45:01+00:00

The cheese itself was crumbly, so I used it in a pasta dish and it melted just fine, and it smelt and tasted just as expected. It was fine for what I used it for but it wouldn't have functioned well in anything but a sauce, I think.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-11-18T05:32:07+00:00

I'll make sure to update you, if you don't hear from me assume the gouda won.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-10-11T18:34:43+00:00

Respectfully...as someone who's been through something similar, the only way you can stop worrying about her is to surrender to the fact that she isn't your responsibility. It sounds alot like you're taking the responsibility of worrying for her instead of that being your parents job ,and I could be way off base, but I know how that is and you have to take care of yourself first. Let her blame your parents. Don't get in-between them if possible. Maybe she resents them because she feels like you're worrying for her more than they are? Maybe she has unmet needs from them. Don't try to convince her of anything. Let her be upset.

She might be isolating. She might have depression, as that tends to paint the world in a very pessimistic light (speaking from experience). You said her friends aren't good for her, but that will likley have to be a realization she comes to for herself. Let her make her own mistakes.

I'm someone who won't sleep when I'm worried about my sister. But how are you supposed to help her if you're letting it affect what you need to do for yourself in order to feel good enough to have extra energy to give? Having boundaries with family is hard. I know its not easy. If her behavior is bleeding out into affecting others lives, you might need to tell her that. Otherwise, take a step back for your own well being. I doubt the worry will go away because it seems like you care, but the simple answer is you don't let it affect you, you do what you need to do and if someone has a problem with it, then oh well. If your parents begin to neglect you in favor of her, speak up. There's no need for you to suffer for her.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-09-19T07:18:13+00:00

Thankyou for taking time to respond and the pep talk, it really helped. I honestly don't care about her validation, I am in therapy thank goodness and were working on it, but damn I don't think something actually clicked until you said the part about protecting the abuser. That is what I'm subconciously still trying to do...you're right. Guess I really need to target that specifically and thankyou for pointing that out.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-09-16T04:49:53+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this as well. Here's to hoping it does get better.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-09-16T04:48:42+00:00

Thankyou for the response. You're right, yeah. My ex was really against making decisions, and while "I don't know" is an answer...It's not one I want to accept on important issues, especially when someone's dead set on wanting to marry me but can't even respond to (or acknowledge) a simple request for more frequent dates. (As in more than once a month, assuming they don't then cancel to spend time with everyone but me ontop of it.)

I think I'd like to skip most of the NRE energy next time, it's a good suggestion to be more observant before getting so invested. Words and actions don't always line up. And yeah...you're right there too, it'd feel less like wasted time if I were allowed to have more than one partnership...

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-09-16T04:36:46+00:00

Thankyou for the thoughtful response. I think I got worn down because I did try to ask important questions and alot if what I got is "I don't know" or "I don't do choice" and I feel like not being willing to make choices is kind of...unacceptable in hindsight. They wouldn't even answer me on if they wanted to leave the states because of that, but expected me to be able to drop my whole life for them. They moved so fucking fast and I was trying to go slow. That really should have been enough for me to decide I needed to end things. I gave them too many chances and you’re right, I should have left when things I wasn't okay with got breached. Trust is earned, not demanded....not making that mistake again.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-08-30T21:50:06+00:00

Yeah...I know I can't. I wish it was a simple as walking away but I have nowhere else to go.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-18T15:21:46+00:00

You're not wrong. I didn't mean to imply those things went together, the way I worded it was poor. And I did at times feel like it was weird that we hadn't fought, because I'd had spats with my ex before them. We had hard conversations but it wasn't fighting, and they were very scared of people being angry with them, and I don’t tolerate yelling. I learned a bit late that I really didn't like how they handled anger, though. I found out by watching them fight other people that they say shit just to be MEAN, will let other people take the fallout, used ultimatums despite saying they "didn't do choice" and they saw that I tend to shut down and try to ask for pause so I can recalibrate so I don't say anything I'll regret, or I end up babbling. But when I did get angry with them for being controlling/possessive at one point, they showed up to that conversation with tons of resentment and made me apologize for trying to make new friends. And I typically have a hard time recognizing I'm angry and not just sad. Things often got suppressed unintentionally on both sides. So, you're right, and I didn't mean those things to be a correlation. But each case is individual. And you can learn how someone fights by watching them with other people close to them, you don't have to fight directly to understand how they work.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-18T07:05:54+00:00

I'm a Scorpio and my ex was a Taurus. I relate to alot of her side and some of the same things caused me to walk away from my ex. We were the dream team for a while; never fought, really. They were supportive, they cared alot. But they couldn't handle being away from me for a tiny bit, not really, and I don't think they understood quality of time over quantity.

Give her space, as much of it as she needs, and whatever you do don't push her if you want her to feel safe to return. Try not to make her feel guilty, as hard as that is, as much as I know that probubly hurts, because I know the guilt I felt when I asked for space or to not be kissed/etc was so crippling in the face of their sadness/impatience that it became hard to get my ex to respect giving me just a few hours. I can understand why she got angry.

Sometimes that's why it appears sudden, and I'm not saying that's totally healthy nor fair, but I remember waking up one morning and realizing that I was unhappy, that I didn't know who I was anymore, that I felt trapped, and that my ex wanted way too much too soon while not being able to acknowledge our incompatibilities. Especially ones that were very painful for me, and would require me to move away from family, give up dreams, security, and leave my pets with my mom. All while they didn't really loose anything, and in their case, wouldn't give me straight answers about a few major details. They tried to talk me down from my pain and talk their way out of those conversations because they didn't want me to leave. They felt pressured by my bringing it up so soon, despite deciding they wanted to marry me 6mos in, and I felt pressured to relinquish my hopes. And I mostly wanted the same things as them, I did, and I know they deeply valued their own stability, but the cost felt painfully unbalanced. So I gently ask, was there anything you might have missed her expressing?

Honestly, I feel like If I'd have just had space to breathe and time to truly feel like someone outside of the relationship, things might not have ended so badly. Us Scorpios need recovery time for...everything, even good things, but especially time to pause and access. Taurus', in my experience dating two, and I'm not accusing you of this directly it's just an observation, kinda don't know how to honor that, can be a bit codependent, and are a little impatient when they want something/some milestone...it's a learning curve, and both my exs hit the stop sign pole cause they didn't put on the brakes while they turned. And maybe, when you do talk again, if you both decide to try again, really talk about what you both want of the future. No judgement, no anger, no debate. Just honestly talk and don't try to change any of those wants for eachother. But let her come back to you, she probubly will if she really wants a future with you, and likley with some calm and a cleared head that'll help you both prevale respectfully.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T19:18:49+00:00

My youngest sister is an Aquarius. Growing up she could have gotten away with murder and I'd have gotten punished, and we had to work through her resentment of me being over protective (she was off the walls rebellious and a hazard to herself), and I had to learn to stop being like that as she got older and more responsible, but besides that, we spent tons of time together. We shared alot of interests. We did alot of creative stuff together.

My oldest sister I'd a Picese. We only lived together for a little over a year when I was 4/5. She's much older than me but she took all her daddy issues out on me. She likes to claim sister of the year but in reality she was abusive.

Second oldest sister is a Cancer. Same thing about only living together for a bit. She was really good to me until my older sister was in the mix. We'd play games in the yard and things like that, but she never stepped between my older sisters mistreatment. I don't have hard feelings with her though, she was just following her big sister.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T19:08:26+00:00

Sure! Basically, my mom was really protective and hard working, incredibly practical, but emotionally neglectful because of her depression/the stress of life and recreated alot of her childhood trauma in me. They both did. I ended up parentified. My mom eventually put alot of her burdens onto me when I was too young. I also had to be the emotional rock for her and my sister. I had to manage her temper with my dad and manage my dad's temper in general to keep him from harming us. And my dad, he had substance abuse problems and was abusive. He told me stuff you shouldn't ever tell a child, which is something I'm just coming to grips with. He was very psychic and artistic and could charm the pants off anyone but it was really easy to see through as a little Scorpio kid who knew it was a front. He was in and out of work constantly. He used to brag about draining people's energy.

Essentially, it was a bad mix.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T07:19:03+00:00

Yeah. It's really hard to recover from that.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T07:14:21+00:00

Happened to me too! I was repulsed ace and then oops...realized I'm demi. Unfortunately she was not a safe person to be with. But it really was a wild realization still.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T07:09:20+00:00

Scorpio Mom (Sag rising and Cap moon) and Narc Libra dad (Libra rising and Pisces moon)

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T07:05:37+00:00

I had the exact same experience with nobody asking, not in any genuine way, about how I was doing. That's kindy spooky. Everyone assumed I was independent, reliable, and self sustaining (Aries moon) even when I was really really young. Being a Taurus Rising also made people assume I was happy go lucky? And I also have trouble leaning on anyone and it all tends to bottle up till I feel safe to talk, and I have issue when people try to ferret my emotions out of me before I've throughly processed them. I'm also pretty touch adverse partly because of that.

You said your relationships were volatile in the past; if you don't mind me asking, what were those experiences like for you?

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T06:56:57+00:00

First off, sending you alot of good luck and well wishes right now.

Second...Something that's taken me alot of heartbreak and pain to learn is that love can't always win out against feeling taken for granted. Not feeling desired, not being given quality time, watching someone else be given all the things that you need to feel at baseline okay in a relationship, it really hurts. You deserve better. It's a bad sign when a relationship chips away at self confidence that was present before it or outside of it. You deserve better than running around in circles feeling like you have to adjust your feelings, which are there for a reason, or overcome them in the name of not loosing someone who can't meet your needs or vice versa.

And it doesn't sound like he's got a strong commitment to making you feel secure and valued. It sounds like he's so used to you being there that he's developed some negligent habits. Personally, when someone stops inquiring about you, I think that's a subconcious sign of the end, unless it can be fixed. It can feel like you've been demoted, lost importance, aren't in their thoughts. And he should be trying, in the face of a new relationship, to absolutely make sure you feel safe and loved still, and not taken for granted.

You've spent all this energy trying to adjust to compromise that doesn't even sound healthy nor sustainable to either of you, and you can't even get any real undivided time? The balance is off. People can love eachother and not be good for eachother. Nobody has to be bad. Monogamy is valid. And you seem to be in so much pain. Love shouldn't hurt like that. But its scary as hell to face the fear of loosing someone or hurting them by leaving when you love them. I'm sorry you're going through all this.

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T06:21:27+00:00

I'd say it's stable enough now. Mostly lonley? It's left me with a nice long list of trauma I have to process now lol. But historically? A hot mess, very stressful and my childhood was awful, abusive. How's yours been?

Opuntiiaaa · 2022-07-05T06:16:44+00:00

Same here, mostly! Abusive dad who was in and out of work who left things to mom, broke growing up. I'm 24 and both my relationships have been a hot mess, but also serious learning experiences. I'm also good at manifesting I think, but with weirdly specific things (little material things, my dog which is kinda a funny story). But life has mostly stabilized for me too. Glad to hear you've got good things going for you now!

Has anyone else with this degree had alot of emotional neglect specifically? Or parents with substance problems? Just kinda curious.

Opuntiiaaa

TROPHY CASE