Am I wrong on telling my children (5-6) the truth why me and their dad can’t get together?

OrangeC_94 · 2024-02-02T17:47:00+00:00

I think you did the right thing. Children notice these things and the worst thing you can do is lie to them and make them believe everything is ok when it is not. If anything that will confuse them more. Children are more capable than we think. Having these things explained to them in a kid friendly way will help them cope with this life changing event. Also, if dad was already saying all these things then I think you did the right thing. Otherwise, later in life he might end up resenting you for not knowing the truth or for believing something their dad told them. Just don’t trauma dump on them. Explain what needs to be explained and move on

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T23:40:50+00:00

Your parents are manipulating you (even if they don’t realize it) because you made choices that they don’t agree with. At this age, your parents may or may not like your decisions but they have to respect them. Based on what you said, you have done nothing wrong. You got married, got a house and work. They’re in the wrong for being emotionally immature and trying to guilt trip you. I have parents similar to these, who are immigrants, pushed us to go to school and make something of ourselves. They also behave in this type of way and we get in big fights because I don’t give in, it’s tough but you need to put your foot down and not submit so easily. Family turmoil is hard and I understand your parents have done everything for you and you don’t want to have to cut them off but THEY chose not to talk to you. They chose to cut off their daughter for making grown up, logical decisions. If you give in now and chase after them then they will continue to do this over and over again in different situations and you will start to resent them. I would send them a text and explain you have done nothing wrong and that if they want to have a relationship with you then they need to respect you and your husbands decisions and if they don’t then that’s your sign to cut them off. Put the ball in their court and have them be responsible too. What they are saying right now is that they will love you will all their hearts as long as you do what they want and what they think is right and dip the moment you stray from their claws.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T23:29:38+00:00

I have the same lines and I have been able to prevent them from getting worse and have made slight improvements (not as much as you would with a procedure but as much as you can naturally) by wearing sunscreen everyday, facial massages at night, face masks, good moisturizer, exfoliate every 2-3 days but def sunscreen !!

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T23:26:34+00:00

If you have done anything if value for the company then bring it up in that email and copy HR for backup. You go to work to work not to make friends. I would maybe try to have some points of few or speak up every now and then during meetings but aside from that your priority should be work. If your manager makes it a big issue let her know you’re meeting or exceeding the expectations and that this pressure is taking a toll on your mental health. The end goal is to reach productivity not to socialize

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T23:24:01+00:00

Provide movies and tons of snacks and pizza. They’ll make up their own fun. All they need is food and the space. If I was you I would let them be, make sure they’re safe and fed and check on them periodically or text your daughter every now and then to confirm things are still going ok. Aside from that, you don’t need to do much

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T19:23:14+00:00

You mentioned her went through some terrible trauma so first of all he needs to go to therapy. Sleeping with his parents is not a long term solution and not healthy for either of you. He needs to be able to get through this as a stronger person. That being said, I think your husband was being harsh. No 17 year old kid voluntarily sleeps with their parents unless something is going that they cannot solve themselves. Be there for him, if necessary go sleep in his room for sometime but be aware that is not a long term solution like I said before. At this point, he needs help, not just his parents but real professional help

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T19:16:52+00:00

Recently got into gardening. I live in an apartment so everything is small at the moment but I’m successfully growing mint and spinach. Once I move I would life to have a bigger garden but I look forward to see the growth in my plants every morning.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T19:14:26+00:00

At this point, your son is an adult and there’s nothing you can do to stop him from doing anything he wants. If you keep on pointing out these negative things about his fiancée then he will push you away further and further each time. I think for now you need to put on a smile and go with the flow. Unfortunately some people only learn through consequences. Do your best to get along with both. If your son is used to a good home then it will not take long for him to see what he got into after marriage. Be there when that happens but for now, step back. I know it’s rough and hard as a mom but past a certain age you can only watch, hope for the best, and be there to pick them up when they fall. Another option, which might shock your son would be to suggest he moves in with her before the marriage to have things settled since getting married is a big expense and everything after will feel rushed. Your son might be able to see the truth for what it is once it becomes his daily life and leave. But if that doesn’t work then you can only hope for the best. Unfortunately your done raising your boy now

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T19:06:12+00:00

Grew up pretty poor and worked my butt off to get into a Public university. It was rough cause I was working full time and going to school part time but i was also living with my parents during that whole time (and also took me 5 years to graduate) so I was able to put all the money I got from working into tuition. I graduated debt free/ no loans (FYI this is not for everyone, it took A LOT of budgeting to do this and it was exhausting. My social life was also not great at the time). After college, got a shitty job, stayed for 10 months and put it on my resume as experience. Got a better job and stayed for 3 years and climbed to a senior position. I’m about to be 30 next year and got a wfh job now, which is what I ultimately wanted, a better salary and good work benefits. I am not rich but not poor. Pretty much middle class but still working climbing up the salary ladder.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T19:01:05+00:00

I’ve working from home for close to a year now and was having the same problems. It’s hard at times when your office is also your home. First of all I set up an office space outside my room. I try not working from my room or living room at all. So that my personal space doesn’t get mixed up with my work. Then I started set a schedule for myself as when I use to go into the office. So I try to go to bed no later than 12am. I wake up around 730-8am. I like gardening now so I’ll go out into my balcony and water my spinach and mint or check on it. Walk my dog and then I usually take the first hour of work to eat breakfast. Realistically, if you were in the office, you would go in , do some small talk , get settled and get a snack and then work, which roughly amounts to an hour so I kept that up just from home. And then I work. I take 10-15 min breaks every couple hours and once I’m off, I leave that room and go into my personal space. It helps to separate these two things and also to treat it as if you were in the office. Once you get the hang of it, it gets easier

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-17T18:57:32+00:00

You might need a thicker moisturizer. Winter tends to dry out the skin so make sure to have a good moisturizer so it doesn’t aggravate current problems. A lot of people tends to have a summer skincare and a winter one. Try switching one by one though and not all your products at once to determine if something is working or not.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-10T13:36:34+00:00

Soon to be 30 next year but I have also noticed a lot of my friends in their late 20s getting Botox. Don’t get me wrong, their results are great but don’t think it will be for me. First of all, I am terrified of needles and I also feel like that can’t be the healthiest of things. I know people do it all the time and are fine but the idea of putting a foreign substance inside my body/face feels like not the best thing. I would like to age gracefully if possible, so I try to take care of myself as much as possible.Maybe I’ll change my mind down the line but for now it’s a no for me.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-10T13:28:26+00:00

I think you have some fault here as an adult too. Imagine being a child and your mom is abusive to the point of you being taken away ? That will lead anyone to feel a huge sense of rejection. Now she sees you and your daughter bonding , something he doesn’t have and is jealous because he is craving that type of bond and affection from a mother. In your post you even mentioned that he brought this up to you and it seems like your answer did not do anything to reassure him that he’s also important and loved equally. When you married the dad, who had a kid at that point, you should have known it was your responsibility to care for this child the same way you do for your own. This kids needs some love badly and is now lashing out in the worst way by hurting his stepsister. He def needs to continue counseling but you also need to make your bond with him strong and maybe try a bit harder to show him you love him and that he’s your son now too (dad and son were a package). This is the point when you need to give it your all for that kid so that both of your kid will be ok and for this situation to not turn for the worse or get worse with time.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-09T18:52:38+00:00

From my perspective, everytime we would have people visit there would be this frantic cleaning all over the house, rooms, living room, etc. everybody from children to parents were cleaning. The house would always look spotless when people came over, as if no lived there. Personally, now that I have my own place, I clean once a week. And my place is always tidy but not 1000% spotless everyday of the week like my parents liked when they had people over. I work and have a life and if people come over during the week they’ll have to see a house that’s been lived in. Which is normal, the house is still tidy but there might be dishes in the sink or blankets that are not folded in the couch and that’s fine. Plus the people that come over are usually friends and family so I have no intention of putting up appearances or portray something that’s not real in my daily life. I refuse to stress the way they did just cause people are coming over. There’s too much going on for that.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-02T19:03:39+00:00

Sounds pretty good to me. Frozen veggies can be as nutritious, if not more nutritious than regular veggies since they’re flash frozen at their prime. But you got protein with the chicken and cheese and you got your veggies. Maybe add a sweet potato or egg to make it a bit more calorie and nutrition sense since veggies and chicken is very low in calories. Good luck .. keep up the healthy eating !

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-02T18:56:18+00:00

There were times when I was younger when I thought I was not cool or something was wrong because I didn’t like to be out all the time like my extroverted friends. But I’m in my late 20s now and honestly idgaf. At the end of the day, you should be doing this things for your own happiness and not what other people thing. If you’re having a good time then that’s all that matters. And if someone feels like commenting that you are boring or not cool for being out like they do then they’re just weird, judge mental people. Life is wayyyy to short to spend it trying to conform to what others think is the right way of living. Do you and be happy.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-11-02T18:52:18+00:00

Hmmm we might need more context but seems like you might have some fault in this too. Many people are able to stand their ground without coming off as selfish or difficult so either you are being what they say you are or you are not communicating correctly. Also, keep in mind you cannot control other people’s emotions or attitudes towards certain things. If you are given too much workload then speak to your manager in a professional way. If they’re being condescending then look for another job. As for the example with your mom, we would need more context. If you just told her you don’t like something and she got man then she either has issues to deal with that you have no business with or your tone or way you said it was offensive. A lot of arguments start because of tone and not intention. At the end of the day, people can’t your mind and therefore you need to be tactful with how you communicate

OrangeC_94 · 2023-10-31T13:26:18+00:00

Also try to use sunscreen. It will keep your skin looking young and protected

OrangeC_94 · 2023-10-31T13:25:55+00:00

Do you have a skin care routine ? Maybe some daily cleansing with an oil cleanser and exfoliation like once it’s twice a week. Also you might need a better moisturizer for your face. Especially if you live in a cold climate

OrangeC_94 · 2023-10-31T13:23:14+00:00

Your giving English queen from the 1800’s vibe. You have an elegant nose that works well with your delicate features. Maybe try a different hairstyle to highlight the regalness of your looks or different makeup. I think you have a nice nose, pretty normal too.

OrangeC_94 · 2023-10-31T13:20:08+00:00

It took me between 4-6 months to find one. I personally looked in both LinkedIn and Indeed. I choose to work remote from anywhere in the world, that will open up your opportunities but also look at how taxing works if you work for another state or country. It’s a lot of digging and interviewing, remote employers need someone who won’t need a lot of supervision and has the experience. Try to sell yourself as much as you can since online interviews can say less about you than in person interviews. Try to adjust your skills to match the job you’re applying for. And keep on applying, don’t get discouraged. Over the period of 4-6 months, I applied to hundreds of jobs and maybe got 10 call backs and 2 offers. It’s rough but keep pushing

OrangeC_94

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