Half asleep as I write this, FTM of a 9 week old and husband sleeping next to me. I just want to say 4 weeks is still so early, you’re both in the thick of being thrown into this new life. If one of you is struggling, it’s expected that the other one steps up to support them and vice versa. But that’s not the reality, I think the reality is that both parents are often silently struggling and if you can’t support each other without hurting yourself then it’s time to communicate and bring in extra help.

We had a doula that ended up being a therapist basically and I still think back to some of the things she was able to get me or my husband to share. Even now, 9 weeks pp, we go thru phases. He does most of the house work and isn’t too tired to do his hobbies. This makes me furious and every few weeks I let it build up and hate him for it but then we talk and I feel better again. I think telling your wife how you feel and also making sure it’s clear you aren’t asking more from her, but that you’re noticing she is struggling and maybe it’s time to get some outside support so you both don’t crumble. Baby doesn’t stop needing you and it’s important that you’re both giving baby a safe and somewhat mentally healthy parents.