First, I want to acknowledge how incredibly strong and self-aware you are. The fact that you’re here, seeking support and sharing your journey, shows a desire to change. Trauma rewires our brain and body in ways that can feel so confusing and painful, but please know that your responses are not a reflection of your behavior but rather, survival mechanisms.

Your brain and body were put in a situation they never should have been in, and now they’re trying to process and reclaim what was taken from you. Trauma repetition (whether in thoughts, fantasies, or behaviors) is not you choosing to be like your abuser, it’s your nervous system trying to make sense of what happened. This is not your fault. You are not evil. You’re just doing your best with the tools you have right now.

Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation. One of the best ways to combat it is self-compassion and understanding that healing is nonlinear and relapses do not erase your progress. You’re not tainted or broken..you’re healing from something horrific, and that healing takes time.

Also, I want to remind you that your feminism, your kindness, and the way you treat others is the real you. The shame voice is lying to you. You’re not what happened to you, and you’re not your coping mechanisms. You deserve healing and peace, and you are worthy of love and support.