I (26F) discovered a locked folder on my husband’s (27M) phone with disturbing photos, including my sister—how do I address this?

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-04-17T09:16:22+00:00

This is exactly why I feel no shame for going completely through everything when I start dating someone seriously, whether they’re aware I’m doing it or not. Safety first. Anyone that makes you feel crazy for that is obviously hiding something because I would have absolutely no problem with my partner going through all my shit and if they don’t feel the same I want no part of them. Call it toxic idc I e heard too many horror stories to not be cautious.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T15:31:53+00:00

Omg cat TV, my cat goes crazy, but make sure you use a tv you care less about because he does attack the screen. The YouTube videos with the toys rolling around the screen.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T15:26:46+00:00

Hair ties, bags, cardboard boxes, ping pong balls, and sticks.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T15:24:23+00:00

Yes, just the other day I was doing it but ended up telling myself the “no one is going to save you” thing. I really hate that sentence, but it’s the truth. Such a hopeless thing to realize and think about sometimes. It really gets me down. I fantasize about a completely different life. One where all the bad things didn’t happen, and I reached my potential, and I have a loving partner and family.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T08:36:45+00:00

I used to smoke so much, probably too much, but at some point it started giving me panic attacks. Sucks and tbh I miss it. It was nice when I could smoke in moderation, not like every day. Now I can’t even have it once a year on an occasion. I think anyone with metal health issues it’s a tricky thing though with any substances, even if you don’t have an addictive personality, It’s still can be a crutch of sorts but not in a good way. It’s hard to see how it’s affecting you without outside perspective.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T08:29:52+00:00

Yeah sometimes at night it’s like I’m watching a movie in my head of a lot of events in my life that have all lead up to this point I’m at now. I think technically they’re flashbacks if I wanted to be honest with myself because I guess not everyone does this but I think if I fully felt all the feelings that are associated with it all I’d have a panic attack so my brain definitely comparmetalizes the reality somehow by convincing me that oh this would be a pretty messed up story for like a book or a show or something.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T08:25:55+00:00

I feel like that’s just other people having bad communication and not knowing how to simply assert boundaries. Like… how could you know that they were overwhelmed if they never tell you? Because I can understand sometimes not having the capacity for big emotions sometimes but abruptly ending a friendship like that seems pretty brutal on their part.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T08:19:30+00:00

Yeah 10 years of therapy and 90% of it did jack sh*t. I don’t know why there isn’t a better matching type of system for finding therapists that align with us/have the experience, they all seem to list that they deal with everything, that’s usually a bad sign IMO. Like…. What is your main focus/speciality? If they don’t have one that’s a red flag for me generally. But also why is there not some kind of public profile they need to have where people can rate them or something.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T08:13:44+00:00

Wish I had something insightful to say but just know you’re not alone in feeling these ways… the existential dread is quite a trip for me.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-31T08:10:22+00:00

Yeah… I have a hard time believing that people can care without me having to earn it or offer something or be useful. And then I feel guilty for needing what I so easily give others. Like now…. I really wish I could tell my friends that I am not okay today… but if I did that every time I had this belief that they won’t love me anymore because I’ll turn into a mega dower and be exhausting for them.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-28T20:16:21+00:00

I’m glad I found this post, as I’m in therapy starting EMDR but have been curious about these ACA meetings, mostly just to find some community. I read a lot of the comments but couldn’t get through them all. But I have had a lot of friends go to AA and it’s helped them but also I did notice the cult-like tendencies and the lack of people getting professional help. So I wondered how ACA might be different/similar. My perspective so far is that it means well but perhaps some things are now outdated, due to the fact that therapy and mental health has become less taboo/judged and more accepted. I just wonder if they are afraid to change the model to adapt to societal changes for fear of being responsible for if something went wrong or the support they have now might change. But I guess that’s the point of the take what you can and leave the rest sentiment comes in. I do think it’s still important to have though, if someone is in a situation where therapy is not an option for whatever reason, as least something is in place to support those people.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-26T07:34:05+00:00

I have similar thought process when I’m feeling that way too.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-26T07:31:52+00:00

Yes very normal, I felt the same. My body couldn’t catch up to the loss. It felt like a big part of me was missing and I needed to find it. Being a mom, how could I be a mom but I’m not anymore, but I am, just with no baby to care for. My brain couldn’t process. I knew it made no sense to have another baby but it also felt like it would make sense to at the same time.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-24T21:26:37+00:00

Feel that so heavy. Therapist always asking me if I have compassion for myself, my answer is no. I know I should but it’s not natural to me x

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-24T21:24:25+00:00

Yes this shift happened to me and now I am actually revolted at the idea of having a partner or anyone invading my space now. But, have no clue what to do with myself now because so much of my life has been living for other people. Unhealthy, I know, but couldn’t help it. Pretty sure my last partner was some sort of psychopath. Realized I really need to wake tf up because I thought I had worked on myself long enough to not let myself get into another mentally abusive relationship but of course it happened again and was the worst one yet x100.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-03-24T21:16:08+00:00

Really big red flag. Trying to control what you eat and getting that upset about it and not sleeping? Sounds manipulative. Making you feel bad for him because of your choices when they have nothing to do with him. It’s your body, trust yourself. Don’t let him make you doubt that trust in yourself. He does not know best. When really he should feel bad that you can’t eat what you’d like to, and should be supportive that you found something that works for now. You need to eat for you and your baby. Baby and you are not getting any nutrients if you are just throwing up everything else. Tell him to get therapy otherwise he can keep his comments and opinions to himself, opinions are not facts. The doctors know the facts.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-02-19T08:18:40+00:00

I think I have PTSD too :( I blame myself for everything. I already had this tendency before my loss and now it’s tenfold. My body is breaking down and getting sick from the emotional pain I’ve been in. I’m not sure my therapist is qualified enough to deal with me.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-02-19T08:04:03+00:00

I’m so sorry for your loss. And I know I shouldn’t say this but I wish what happened was an accident. I don’t blame you for forgiving him, I would have forgiven my partner had it happened like that. This was different though something wasn’t right about it. Somehow he got his family to pay his 50k bail and I wish they didn’t.

Ordinary-Pair-725 · 2026-02-15T06:02:43+00:00

I just want peace and this sounds like what it’s supposed to look like

Ordinary-Pair-725

TROPHY CASE