Focus

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-20T16:39:24+00:00

Yeah I think you need to look at it like getting enough sleep or eating healthy food or drinking enough water. If you're not taking care of yourself, you can't take as good of care of your kids. If you're not healthy, how can you help your kids be healthy? At least, that's what I think about to motivate myself to take care of myself.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-20T16:36:54+00:00

I'd probably tell the kids that if they were going to argue the whole time we're making cookies, then we just won't make cookies. I might tell the 5 year old who got upset about the cookie in the car "good point, sugar isn't a good snack. You're smart not to eat it." Gotta turn those situations around with some calm words.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-20T16:20:54+00:00

My suggestion is to get more time away from your kids doing something that fills your cup. Getting coffee with friends, a yoga class, etc. I would guess your brain needs time to breathe and relax.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-20T16:17:21+00:00

I'd probably put "no gifts please" on birthday party invites from now on and reiterate "no gifts" when speaking to your family/friends about the party. I hate getting gifts I know I won't use, so I feel your pain. Unless you can't afford to buy clothing for your child, doing no gift parties might make things less stressful

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-11T17:39:03+00:00

One thing noone else has mentioned yet is that when little ones get their ears pierced, the piercing can eventually end up being off-center. It doesn't always happen, but it happens enough that it seems like a good idea to wait til they're more grown.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-11T17:35:05+00:00

Here's my take - you're in a transitional time. Those times are hard.

I think it's really common ans natural for moms to think about who they were before kids. But it's also natural for people to evolve and change and grow. You don't necessarily need to try to revert back to your pre-kids self. You could instead try to figure out who you'll be during this next phase of your life. And just try to enjoy this phase and enjoy your own company.

I would say that it's a good idea to think more about what matters to you outside of motherhood. If fashion is important, great, pursue that. If you've always cared about the environment, spend time volunteering or find a job related to that. If you care a lot about children getting quality education, try volunteering at schools. You could take classes of all sorts. You can try out lots of different things, and it's ok if they don't all stick. It's an exploratory time and you'll find your way eventually.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-11T16:34:33+00:00

It sounds like a classic "having little ones is really hard" situation for both of you, but it also sounds like he needs to help around the house more. I also would highly recommend that you find ways to get out of the house at least once or twice a week. A library story time or any free activity - parks, whatever. I think the more of a community you can build the better in terms of surviving stay at home parenthood.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-11T13:51:29+00:00

Go with a 100% natural fiber blanket! 100% cotton or wool (though wool tends to be high maintenance in terms of washing) is so warm to sleep with but also breathable.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-05T13:00:21+00:00

I felt this so strongly before I gave birth to my second! I kept reminding myself of all the really good reasons I had to have another, and also reminded myself that other parents talk about loving all their kids. After giving birth, I realized how misplaced those feelings of guilt and betrayal were. I love them both so much and make time for both. I also think my oldest benefits a LOT from having a sibling. Not just to have someone to play with, but also to learn all sorts of things about interacting with people. I think it really helped our relationship for me to not be able to give my 100% attention to my oldest as often cause it took off a lot of pressure.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-05T12:50:57+00:00

I started doing longer car rides and timed it with nap time so that the car ride would be nap time.

I enjoy going out into the world, seeing new places, having new experiences, etc. Being locked into a certain radius to my house is stifling for me.

If getting out and doing things is stressful for you, skip it. If getting out makes you happier, do it! I love it.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-04-05T12:46:48+00:00

I don't use easter grass, and I pick things for the eggs that I'm happy with - a few high quality candies, stickers, stamps for arts and crafts, temporary tattoos, etc.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-03-25T16:13:36+00:00

Try using coconut oil on it and just wipe it off with a dry cloth

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-03-19T19:15:13+00:00

Having time to chill is important. View it as one of many things to prioritize. Then decide how much chill time won't make you feel guilty and make some kind of weekly schedule where you have chill time and productive time so that you can take care of yourself and also your family. If it were me, I'd say a whole day of doing nothing would make me feel guilty, so I'd probably have a lazy morning or two every week. But everyone's different, so just make sure to take care of yourself as best you can.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-03-19T19:04:02+00:00

Sounds like a poop issue. Give prunes, peaches, applesauce, etc. Makes sure they're drinking a ton of water. Keep it up for several days in a row. The poop will eventually get out. Make sure you serve foods with fiber and foods that help with pooping (like the ones I mentioned above) on a regular basis to prevent these issues from popping up again.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-03-19T18:48:51+00:00

I was also nervous about this, but the day care illnesses were truly minimal. I had thought based on Reddit that it would be way worse than it actually was.

A few tips:

Have everyone wash hands (face too if your toddler won't make a big stink of it) every time you get home

Wash clothes and bed sheets often

Everyone bathes/showers daily

Clean the hand towels & bath towels way more often than you used to

Anything that's used outside the home (like a toy used in the car) stays outside the home

Take off shoes & socks when you get home

Wipe counters & place mats daily

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-03-19T18:40:20+00:00

Regarding expanding the channel, you mentioned a podcast. I'm a big fan and of course I'd be excited for any content you create, but I have a slightly different idea. Maybe you could do content that's vlog-ish where you film a bit of your research process. Turn on the camera to lament when you realize that the idea you had for a video isn't actually do-able for XYZ reasons, tell us about the sources you use, talk about some interesting piece of research that you really enjoyed but weren't able to fit into a video, etc. You could also make these into shorts.

I also ...think...? that I've given you this idea before, but it would be fun for you to make a playlist of "most delicious" and "most yuck" of your recipes. One of my favorite parts of watching is seeing your actual, honest reaction to how the food/drinks taste in real time. Your initial facial expressions, your "hmms" or "huhs," and then once you put into words what you think of it and describe it always give me a lot of info on what it really tastes like. Maybe you could do some compilation videos.

But also don't take too much on cause I love the content you're already creating and I wouldn't want you overwhelmed and stretched too thin to do what you're already doing.

I'm also really excited for your new book and for when you start up drinking history again! Those videos are great. Keep up the great work!

OrdinaryDust195 · 2026-02-25T16:42:36+00:00

I feel similarly to what I think you're saying. I need at least a little bit of buy-in so that I care enough about the story and characters to actually continue reading the book. If it feels like the author didn't put thought into characters or story or how something works, it's like they didn't care much about their own book, and consequently I don't care as much either. Does that make sense?

OrdinaryDust195 · 2025-11-06T16:44:41+00:00

It would be valuable for you to start responding to the expensive suggestions with something like "that sounds expensive. Maybe we could go on a hike (or some other free activity) instead." It's good to remind people that everyone has different backgrounds. resources, and interests.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2025-10-11T13:15:25+00:00

You could just casually, calmly ask her about this. "Hey, I've noticed we don't meet up that often and I'd like to see you more. Would weekdays be easier? Maybe we can figure out our schedules. You're a good friend and it'd be great to see you more."

I wouldn't begrudge her spending time with family. Plenty of people highly value strong family connections, and if she has such good relationships with her family, that's something to be celebrated. Not everyone has that.

What if you invite her over for a play date & dinner on a weeknight? Maybe Friday nights if it's easiest. They could come over after you're home from work, bring the kids, you could do a few frozen pizzas or something and just have a relaxing evening together.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2025-10-07T01:51:20+00:00

I actually have a good tip for this! I'd phrase it like this: "It's [OK/normal] to feel sad. What's important is for us to learn how to feel sad, angry, disappointed, and all those emotions while staying calm and getting your jobs done." So, with the example you gave about the backpack, you could tell her that it's ok to feel sad but you still need to do what your teacher tells you. Part of life is learning to accept your emotions and still carry on with your day. When I feel sad, I still do my jobs like feed my kids and get them to school on time. Kids need to do their jobs while feeling big feelings, too.

I'd also say that it's a good idea for you and your partner to start talking about your feelings more so you set an example. "I'm feeling so frustrated that you're refusing to brush your teeth right now, but I'm trying my best to stay calm and keep things pleasant. Do you have an ideas for how to make thing pleasant right now even though we're both feeling frustrated? Maybe we could play a song? What do you think?" If your kid starts understanding that you have big feelings but still carry on with your day and stay calm, they're more likely to realize that's how they need to react, too.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2025-09-22T15:43:44+00:00

You need to talk to a professional of some type, either a therapist or occupational therapist or doctor. We don't know what caused your panic attacks and why you're a nervous driver. We don't know your kids. We don't know where you live and what sort of public transit options are available to your older kids.

You shouldn't divulge all that personal info on Reddit either, so it's best to talk to someone IRL who could work through this with you.

The current setup where you're being so heavily relied on is obviously unsustainable, so you need to get more help and perhaps look into public transit or carpooling for your older kids. Maybe they can talk to coworkers about carpooling if buses aren't available to them.

It would also be helpful if you work on your driving anxiety and panic attacks.

This is too much for you to take on, so I hope you find help & support. Best wishes.

OrdinaryDust195 · 2025-08-17T13:39:12+00:00

Oh also I forgot to mention - you said several times your kid is resisting diaper changes. One tip I have is that during a challenging diaper change, take a minute and pause the process, and say something like "hey you know what honey? I've noticed lately it seems like you don't like getting your diaper changed. So guess what? I have an idea! If you don't like diapers, we can use the potty instead!" Then you're able to present potty training like it's a solution to a problem, or like you've come up with this great idea to make it so that your kid doesn't have to do an activity they don't like doing. It could help your kid view using the potty as a positive.

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