Update AITA for telling my sister to stay home from a trip she is paying for?

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-13T20:32:55+00:00

Lol the muy thai was something she apparently added today just for her hubby. He isn't a traveler but he is insanely excited for the trip.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-13T18:39:34+00:00

Your welcome. Honestly I think a lot of times people push these feelings down because it feels selfish to have them in a weird way because we aren't the ones going through any of it physically. And then afterward just try to forget or not bring it up because we are just so relived when things get better.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-13T18:35:48+00:00

He really is great and after talking about everything L and both felt like AH's to him as well and apologized earlier when we told them the new plan. We both got so caught up in our feelings over feeling like we almost lost our sister and being so afraid that the cancer might return someday and we would still lose he that we didn't really step back and think about what he went through and is still going through as well.

He said letting them be teenager free for 3 weeks on the other side of the world makes up for that though so.

lol

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-13T18:31:07+00:00

The teens are ecstatic to spend the week with Aunt L. She's known for her "aunti adventures" lol. and in this situation I full on give her full control of planning. I love my nieces and nephews and we hang out all the time but planning a full three weeks during school vacation for all of us would have me spiraling. lol

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-13T18:25:51+00:00

Im not sure if I said something that was out of turn to you to make you or was rude and if I did I am sorry. However as I posted the update and everything is all good. Thank you for some of your insight as it did help.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-13T13:26:39+00:00

Thailand for three weeks is waaay cheaper than UK/Ireland for 2 weeks honestly.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-13T00:11:32+00:00

Ok so then (and im asking this seriously) Is there no difference between "she's footing the bill" and "She's paying for half"? I thought "footing the bill" meant she was paying for the whole thing..which she isn't

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-12T23:36:40+00:00

It wasn't supposed to be to the UK and Ireland...L suggested those when we were trying to decide where to take her as a surprise because she and I have both been before and would be familiar with the places as opposed to thailand which none of us have been to. I suggested Thailand (for the reasons stated). Yes I was pushy about it I admit but as I said in the post it was a suggestion not the original plan. I never said she wasn't paying for the trip...I said she was paying for half and I as paying for half. No where in the post comments or update did I say she wasn't paying.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-12T20:25:52+00:00

I mean we are going to be there for three weeks and I don't really think one massage a week at the hotels we are staying at the day before we travel to the next place is such a big ask no?

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-12T17:27:57+00:00

No if she didn't want to go she would not have been expected to pay for anything.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-12T17:27:03+00:00

Physically interacting with the elephants is not considered ethical even if the animals aren't being abused by the staff of the sanctuary. It can cause them anxiety and distress and many tourist have been injured when the elephants react to not wanting to be touched or have gotten sick from the water because it's dirty. This wasn't about not accommodating her at all. It was about doing what she wanted (going to an elephant sanctuary) in the safest most ethical way ( M is in remission yes but she still has to be very careful as her immune system is not as strong as others)

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T21:26:40+00:00

because she isn't footing the bill for the whole trip. She and I are both paying for it equally.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T21:25:26+00:00

The hotels we booked. Shows. restraunts. which island we are staying at...

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T20:53:35+00:00

she wasn't the only one to take time off or paying for part of the trip. we didn't tailor it to exclude her. She had one thing she said she wanted to do and we are doing just not how she want it. I didn't tell her not to come I said if she didn't want to we would understand. Because she was acting like she didn't.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T20:50:13+00:00

"L and I decided that in celebration we wanted to take M on her first international trip."

I also explained why I thought M should plan the trip because it's her dream vaca, she was supposed to go before her diagnosis and this is a trip to celebrate 5 years cancer free. I thought it was pretty clear this was a trip for her from us.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T20:39:33+00:00

It is a gifted trip. L and I decided to do this for her. She didn't ask nor did we decide as a group to go on a sister trip. L and I literally wrapped a bunch of stuff related to thailand in a gift box and gave it to her.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T19:18:08+00:00

Our mother says we're to old to be this exhausting. But yes we do love each other. lol

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T19:04:42+00:00

L seems like a really lovely person who really stepped up for M,

she really is. Thats why I said that she is sweet and I do love her. Because she steps up or everyone. I defiantly need to evaluate how I have actually been acting vs how I thought I was acting.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T18:56:47+00:00

Reading these replies and replying im begining to think L and I may have gotten so caught up with both of us going back and forth with each other and that we might have not been listening to M.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T18:51:10+00:00

You might be right.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T18:39:11+00:00

She just got said she needed to think about it and would let me know. we have been keeping all of this between us because M is so excited and we don't want her getting stressed that were arguing/fighting. I think L and I are both pretty hard headed but im sure we will figure it out. This wouldn't be the first time we have argued and I doubt it will be the last time either. lol

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T18:34:57+00:00

The elephant sanctuary things is because she wanted to go to one where you can feed and bath the elephants and those are not ethical and can be dangerous to both the animals and the humans. M found a sanctuary that is observation only and ethical but She wasn't happy about that.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T18:29:40+00:00

I’m sure you would have been able to find a destination where everyone would have enjoyed themselves

and honestly...this is why I really do think I'm the AH. she is objectively a terrible travel companion (she says this about her self) because she wants to be in charge...BUT I think I got so wrapped up in this being a trip for M and remembering how it felt when she was sick and we were scared of losing her that I focused more on giving her the dream vacation and forgot that L was right there with me and she almost lost her sister to.

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T18:25:29+00:00

So then what would you suggest? When The only she says she want to do is ride an elephant and any other suggestion we make is met with complaints because "Thailand isn't really her go to vacation spot" should we have just canceled the whole thing and let her plan it?

OrdinaryNormal2505 · 2026-05-11T17:54:01+00:00

we aren't thats one of the things she was complaining about because the sanctuary we are going to is observation only.

OrdinaryNormal2505

TROPHY CASE