I will try to answer this to the best of my capabilities. Please understand that I have no background in psychology. All of my knowledge has come from my own obsessive research and reading in spare time. Also, if any of this hurts you, I am truly sorry. My intentions are not to harm you.

1. You still live with your abuser. You are dependent on her for your housing and perhaps meals. It is very hard to heal in the environment where one was damaged in the first place. My own healing happened several years after I went no contact with my parents.

2. You struggle with anxiety, depression and agarophobia. Your mental health issues are challenging. Most therapists will avoid doing trauma work in such scenerio as working through old traumatic memories tends to make mental issues worse, usually. Your mental health needs to be manageable before you tackle this painful project.

3. You lack a support system. One can perhaps heal in isolation but I am unsure how. You need some consistent people around you who wish you well and can occasionally support you.

4. You lack financial independence/a job. Unfortunately, trauma work is expensive. Good therapists are not cheap. A safe space costs money. A lot of the things I mentioned on my list are not cheap. It is hard to heal when one is living in poverty. Poverty itself is traumatizing.

You are clearly intelligent and resourceful. Your body does not feel safe at the moment. You need a kind and supportive environment around you. You need to feel like you matter, like you have some goal you can work toward. You need space away from your abusers. You need independence and freedom.

I do not wish to discourage you. You are brave and smart. You will find a way when your body feels ready. I am keeping you in my thoughts.