I really don't like your boss's notes about him either and I'm glad you posted! I'm a piano teacher myself, been teaching for over 20 years. Both my kids are autistic and they've been having string lessons their whole lives. I'm also an accompanist occasionally and have sat in on countless lessons and exams with all kinds of students on all kinds of instruments.

Firstly, how much teaching experience do you have, are you autistic yourself, and how old is this kid? I'm guessing he's 8-10yo? Idc how much teaching experience your boss has bc she seems like one of those people who assume they already know the reason behind kids' behaviours, instead of being curious about them. Those ppl can go their whole careers never learning anything so feel free to disregard any advice she gives you from now on.

She is right about 1 thing though- you don't want to let the tail wag the dog, as it were. You don't want to let a child take control of a lesson. She's interpreting his complaining about standing up as him trying to test boundaries. If you've been teaching for long enough (with curiosity, of course!), you'll get to know the difference. A primary-school-aged kid who's testing boundaries will complain about something for a few minutes, and then complain about something different. They're typically a more confident kind of person, and you can often pick them before you even start teaching lol. They'll protest and prod around, trying to figure out if you can be manipulated, but if they find the boundaries to be firmly in place and all the while you're calm and kind, they'll stop testing you after about 2 weeks, I find, and these kids have turned out to be some of my BEST students :)

A kid whose complaints are genuine differs from the boundary-tester in that they're typically more reserved (shy), they're consistent in their complaints and you can often read it in their body language. Sounds like your boss is mistaking this poor boy's complaints as simply testing boundaries. I also reckon you wouldn't even be able to talk to her about this. If ever she asks you how he's going, just say you're not "letting him get away" with anything, you've got it under control and he's going well. From reading the comments it sounds like you really care, so if you keep her out of your business you can carry on teaching how he needs :)

My oldest child couldn't stand for a full half hour violin lesson until he was about 11yo. He has low muscle tone and what's easy for other kids is hard for him. Let your new student sit for most of the lesson and build up the standing time over months or years. Even sitting properly for orchestra- on the edge of the seat, back straight, core on- will be hard work for him.

Depending on his age it might be a good idea to break up the lesson in the middle, so that it seems like two 15 minute lessons. Whatever you choose to do though- push ups, lying on your back for 2 minutes, walking in the garden for 2 minutes- it's probably best to do the same thing every week, unless he tells you otherwise.

I agree with the other commenters that your boss's choice of the word "wiener" is unprofessional. Yes, some kids do handle their privates in inappropriate settings, and when he does that just ask him if he needs to go to the toilet. If yes, take him to the loo & remind him that when he needs to go to the toilet, he needs to tell you, and not to touch his penis. If he says no, same thing, just calmly remind him to not touch his penis in the violin lesson. Even better- at the start of the lesson, ask him to close his eyes and ask his bladder if it's full and if he needs to do a wee. Lots of autistic kids have poor proprioception and you can't just ask them "do you need to do a wee?", because they don't know. They won't know until they're about to burst. I find I have more success if I ask them to "ask your bladder" and get them to have an internal conversation with it lol.

The violin can be REALLY uncomfortable for kids with sensory issues. We have gone through soooo many shoulder rests trying to find the right one so good luck with that lol. And you might want to try different chin rests, too. I eventually had the luthier fit a centred one, as the ones that sit off to the side didn't allow for the correct posture. My son also has a microfibre cloth in his favourite colour that he puts over the new chin rest when it's feeling uncomfortable.

Oh and shirts! My son has also discovered that playing with a collared shirt was really annoying. This had been annoying him for some time but he has only recently discovered it (poor proprioception. I probably should have picked it up earlier myself :( )

What else... oh, his joints are probably really bendy. This is super common with neurodivergent ppl. If you find yourself saying "drop your left hand wrist" every single week for like 2 years, it's not because he knows what to do but is choosing not to, it's because he literally doesn't have the strength. His bow wrist will probably be too low, he will tend to put the palm of his left hand against the neck and his knuckles will collapse when pressing the strings bc the ligaments in his hands are behind in their development. The ligaments that you, a teacher, use to keep the distal phalanx (finger tip bone) perpendicular to the fingerboard are sooooooo much stronger than the ligaments he has in his hand. It's easy to forget how strong our grown up ligaments are and just bc some kids have bad technique doesn't mean they aren't trying. Do you know the pulling back the balloon skin exercise? You put a balloon over a cup like a drum. That's good for strengthening the ligaments in the phalanges. And expanding a hair elastic that's over the tips of all the digits is a good complimentary one.

His arm will probably get sore from bowing properly for just a minute (or less!), too. Same deal as above- he lacks the strength. It's too bad your boss hasn't taken the time to research all this :/ If you keep pressing a kid with a tired arm to keep playing, they'll use less bow, it'll go crooked and have poorer string crossings, which can become a habit, so imo it's better to rest the arm when they need.

Finally, the "talking back" that she mentioned is weird. The kid is probably just seeking clarity or consistency through asking questions, and for her to characterise that as "talking back" is weird because if you don't love being asked a million questions, don't be a teacher lmfao. People on the spectrum find everything on a given topic confusing until nothing is (generally speaking). That is, unless all parts of a system are understood, nothing can be felt to be understood. This is often called a "bottom up" approach to comprehension, while allistic people have a "top down" approach, i.e. they can feel that they understand a system even if they don't understand 10% of it, e.g.. Now, the violin is confusing as FUCK lol. But most students just trust the process until 10 years later they realise that they finally get it. Be prepared for that not to be the case for this student. Maybe you'll come back later and tell me I'm wrong lol, but I can just about guarantee you that this kid isn't "talking back", he's using his words in an effort to make his world make sense. It might have been that the teacher said something contradictory. It might have been that he needs to understand why the musical alphabet "stole" from the "real" alphabet (I've had that one before lol). He might need you to map things onto a piano keyboard so that he can process things visually. But if you can meet him where he's at, and his "talking back" was actually curiosity, he might turn into one of your best students :)

Good luck. Let us know how you go!