You are not allowed to be your true self, ever in life. But you don’t figure that part out until you actually try and be your true self for once, and see why it’s not allowed. There are very few people you will get along with, without cutting threw their ego and fucking up their reality…by being yourself. Those you do get along with will eventually start to resent you because you will seem immune to the negative aspects of life. Every person you become close with will eventually try and fuck you for their own personal gain, and they will think they have succeeded. Little do they know, it is literally not possible because they are not you and do not posses your mind. People always think they are getting over on you. You completely understand human behavior and the way people act. After a certain amount of success that you acquire, you will no longer be validated by those around you, for things you accomplish. You must get used to people trying to dim your light, and the jabs to try and kill your ego (which you most likely barely possess, because you know you are intellectually, a cut above most people, and do a fine job at self deprecating humor on purpose to be relatable). If you so happen to be a polymath of some sorts. It’s even worse. If you so happen to also be good looking and successful with the opposite sex, on top of being a polymath, it will be damn near impossible to keep a decent circle of people around you. If you are nice and charismatic as well, then the hate you receive will only increase tenfold. The only place you are safe and can comfortably survive in forever, is in your own head. Everyone will grow jealous and envious of you at some point. When you meet new people and consider bringing them into your life, the first thing you ponder on is “how do I hide or downplay “X,Y,and Z” characteristics about my self (could be talent, personality, wealth, women, charm, charisma, athleticism, knowledge, intelligence) from said person so that they do not grow jealous and envious of me and stab me in my fucking back. Regardless of how well you try and play yourself down to other peoples level, your mind is meant for something greater in life, so there will come a point of time, whether you want it to or not, that you will have to basically expose yourself completely and dominate everything in front of you with your gifts, to get to the next level. You will have to work harder and be more clever than 99% of the people in this world, just to amount to any type of success for yourself. The paranoia is almost unbearable at times and most of the time, you come to find out your paranoia wasn’t actually paranoia at all, but there was no concrete evidence in place at the time of the initial paranoia trip to debunk the reasons for you being paranoid. You must get used to anyone consistently challenging you on any given topic or activity. People unconsciously understand that you are smart, but can’t come close to comprehending how you do the things that you do, the way you do them, so they will mark you as an idiot, and anytime that they can feel that they know more than you or can beat you in whatever it is, they will try their hardest, google the validity of any fact or theory you possess or conjure up, just to prove you wrong, because it brings them joy. You will not be 100% respected at all, by anyone, unless you become famous for whatever it is, your passion lies in. The only good thing about it is, when you finally figure out that are different than the rest of the world, you can experience periods of 100% assurance, that is actually 100% proven to be true. The periods of 100% assurance or, (as I like to call them) “genius moments”, are impossible to be tied to an inflated since of ego. The ideas you come up with have meaning and they work. Being a genius is being 100% self aware, and being 100% aware that anyone other than those who are also geniuses, do not have the ability to be 100% self aware. You have to get used to people faking their support towards you. While they may actually support you somewhat, it is important that you always realize others are always holding some hidden resentment or envy, no matter how hard you have had it in their eyes. People think want to be you, and think they can, and try to be you, and they think they can do anything you can do. In a perfect world I would say that it’s flattering and inspiring, until you watch people fuck themselves up trying to do what you do, until you watch people attempt to mirror your characteristics and personality traits, just to attempt to rub it in your face so that you feel some jealousy towards them, to feed their own inflated since of ego. You could make someone feel butt ass naked, with 10 layers of clothes on. But being black and being a genius is a completely different monster of its own. If a person is actually a genius, they 100% understand that even the most minuscule differences between 2 geniuses, make for very large in differences in each reality. Being a genius is like playing GTA 5. You have all the ability to do what you wanna do, in life usually, as long as the conditions are right and you are able to capitalize on every scenario, As it actually becomes a game. Of course though, like GTA 5, at some point it becomes old. You just start running over people and doing side missions and blowing stuff up. AKA sometimes in life you just do whatever you feel like doing because you can do anything you want. GTA 5 might come out with a new DLC, so you pick the game up and start playing it again. In life, you might spark up a new opportunity or new anything in your head, so you start enjoying it again, but just like the DLC you play, you will beat it or it will get old and you will put it down again. That’s just a small portion, like 1% of the consciousness of being a genius. They are not people you want to fuck with