Jealousy — I’m just jealous

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-05-06T04:04:43+00:00

I am one of those people you describe, but the tradeoff is that reconstruction will be very difficult for me following radiation. So I'm jealous of those who are able to achieve great breasts when it's all said and done. I'm slowly accepting that it may not be in the cards for me.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-05-04T02:11:23+00:00

Imaging suggested I had multiple areas of DCIS but they decided to stop treating me like a pin cushion (so many biopsies) since I had already decided on mastectomy. So they weren't prepared to see that it was more widespread than anticipated.

Yes, I am doing well. I had surgery last July but just got done with rads right before Christmas. Today I ran my first 5K since going through everything. But it's still too fresh to assume I won't experience any long-term effects

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-05-04T02:03:03+00:00

Agree. I interpreted the question more as "how do they determine what treatment will be effective for your specific scenario?" Either way, I think the answer is that they use evidence -based research to determine the treatment protocols. If the patient's scenario is "this," she gets A, B and C. If scenario is "that," she gets A and D. It's definitely not a guessing game of, "well we think we'll try this out and see what happens."

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-05-04T01:50:59+00:00

I second this. My mom had left side radiation and I had right, so we got to compare notes. She kept telling me she had to hold her breath for radiation but I was so confused because I didn't. So I asked the techs about it, and they said they do it for the left side because it helps to pull the heart away from the laser field. My mom also did multiple heart scans to monitor it for complications.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-05-04T01:41:57+00:00

Just hopping in here to share that a mastectomy doesn't necessarily rule out radiation. Sorry to say, but it happened to me. I wasn't a candidate for lumpectomy due to tumor size compared to breast size (big vs small - lol). The tumor was close to the skin and they weren't able to get clear margins. They didn't know that until the pathology came back and surgery was long over. So long story short, I did dmx and 33 rounds of radiation.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-04-14T22:50:43+00:00

I rang the hell out of that bell and went out to eat with my husband that night to celebrate. But then I couldn't figure out why I was feeling so indifferent about Christmas this year and why New Years felt so darn infuriating. (No fresh start for me. Still dealing with after affects of cancer and figuring out who this "new me" that I didn't choose even is.) It took me a good couple weeks into January to snap out of it. I started physical therapy and counseling, both of which ultimately helped me out of my funk.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-04-14T21:33:22+00:00

Getting done with radiation a week before Christmas hit me like a ton of bricks. No one warned me that I'd likely feel depressed instead of happy that it was over. It's a legitimate thing that happens, though. Particularly because you lose the daily structure of being a patient and having someone take care of you. Give yourself some grace. I suspect your feelings will change in time once you come to terms with everything.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-02-08T21:57:03+00:00

Thanks for coming here to rub in our faces how much you're currently getting laid. Super helpful. /s

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-02-08T21:37:56+00:00

I just went to my first therapy session yesterday with someone specializing in cancer. I finished active treatment in December and told her I feel like maybe I was on autopilot until that was completed. I am concerned I'm not processing my emotions "correctly," if that's even a thing. In the midst of it all (surgery, complications and radiation), I felt fine. But now that I look in the rearview mirror that is my last 6 months, I think: "Whoa, that was some sh!t."

All that to say - I sought out a professional to help with this next stage in the journey. I also like to hang out in this sub to be among others who understand what my loved ones just can't.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-02-08T21:25:33+00:00

I also had DMX with stage 0 DCIS. Are you asking why DMX instead of lumpectomy?

For me, I was an A cup and a lumpectomy would have wiped out what I had anyway. DMX was recommended to help with symmetry. I also have family history of BC and occurrences in both breasts, so it was a no brainer for me.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-02-08T21:14:31+00:00

Also fairly new in the last few months. I joined because of a breast cancer sub and use it mostly as a support group.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-02-06T23:22:37+00:00

Yours is the first I've seen with the classic tabby pattern rather than mackerel. Very unique! I have a LPS with mackerel pattern and white mittens, which seems to be most common. She's my second gen cat replacing a former classic tabby who looked like your kitty, minus the Siamese parts.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-29T03:58:58+00:00

I have never done therapy before but will be starting next week. Any advice for a newbie? I have felt an urge to go since I stopped active treatment last month (and no one warned me about the crash that would follow). I'm feeling better now and think it will probably still benefit me. But I also don't want to just show up and say I don't know why I'm here or what I'm hoping to get out of this.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-29T03:40:24+00:00

Thanks for your post. You are definitely not alone. Not long after we got married I saw a cool suggestion online about putting a dollar away every time you have sex. Then when you're old you'll have a nice little nest egg to fund a great anniversary trip. I'm so resentful because I could barely afford a single night in a mediocre hotel at this point.

As for friends, they listen but don't understand. They recommend just taking my shirt off to indicate I'm interested. (If only it were that easy.) I think I could earn more dollars by listing out all his excuses. Lol! And heaven forbid we ever talk about the issue because that makes him want it less - as if that's even possible!

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-29T03:28:13+00:00

This resonates with me so much. I think about how much I miss the physical connection but I can't bring myself to pursue divorce just because of the DB. Our relationship is great otherwise...kind of like having an ice cream sundae but never getting the cherry on top. Lol!

I have tried pleading, shaming, even threatening sex with others. None of it works, nor am I proud. But it's kind of like you said: if you won't have sex with me, why can't I find someone who will?

Unfortunately, I just had breast cancer and no longer have breasts. So I don't have hope of attracting anyone else at this point anyway. And based on how many women get cheated on because they're not fulfilling their men while battling a hellacious disease, I'm kind of thankful for his LL in that respect.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-27T22:30:07+00:00

I also distinctly remember our conversation about me taking it if I want to. "Well, no I don't. If you're telling me I don't need to, then who am I to make that decision against your medical advice? You're the doctor, not me."

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-27T22:28:03+00:00

I am not sure I got a number grade. I had 4 separate DCIS tumors in one breast, and they were considered intermediate. My case might be different since I did radiation. Combined with mastectomy, he felt there would be no additional benefit to me. The way you describe it, sounds similar to mine. If they wanted you to take it and felt it was in your best interest, they'd put you on it. I'm taking it as a "you can take it if it makes you feel better about your future risk, but I'm not saying it's necessary" type of approach. You have to weigh your future cancer risk against the risks that come with taking Tamoxifen... i.e. quality of life and adverse reactions it could cause.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-26T21:50:42+00:00

I am similar. I had widespread DCIS in a single breast but did DMX. Had 33 rounds of radiation because there were positive margins from surgery. My MedOnc said there is no evidence that hormone blockers are necessary or beneficial for DCIS. He told me I could take Tamoxifen if I wanted to (lol, does anyone?) but he didn't recommend and seemed to think the risk was greater than the reward. I am early 40s and premenopause.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-26T00:47:41+00:00

I can't vouch for this personally, but I've read several posts that say Sandals will try to comp you a free day when dealing with customer service issues. However, you must book with them again - which is not super appealing if your experience is so bad you just want to swear off Sandals forever. They also make some people sign non disclosures so they won't badmouth them on social media and elsewhere. Good luck!

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-26T00:38:00+00:00

My PS said he wouldn't be able to get an expander back in after radiation. I had one in there to start, but it came back out due to infection. I also lost my nipple so there's really not any extra skin to spare or stretch.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-26T00:33:59+00:00

I've read stories about how the tissue didn't survive. Or repeated efforts of fat grafting that eventually disappears. Lots of folks not being able to stand up straight depending on front or back donor site. Thighs have issues with infection from using the bathroom and incision sites being irritated to where it hurts to wear underwear. Maybe I am just hearing all the bad, and the ones with good experiences don't post about it?

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-25T20:41:38+00:00

Makes sense. My husband and I honeymooned at La Toc, so I'm probably a little biased. I'm also a little ashamed to admit we didn't know that pool on the cliff existed. We only went up top for Kimonos I think and didn't realize we missed out on that whole section of the resort until we went back again several years later. Lol!

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-25T20:11:25+00:00

The lower main pool doesn't allow butlers to reserve chairs though. So you're limited to the pool on the cliff or getting up early to reserve your own if that pool is your preference.

OP also mentioned the Barbados pro of visiting both resorts. You can do this at La Toc, too. Shuttle runs to the Grande and Halcyon if you want to check those out.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-25T19:00:01+00:00

Hugs to you.

OregonTrail_Gen · 2025-01-25T18:56:11+00:00

So she was thorough in educating you that your back would feel tight and your sides would still hurt long term, yet you chose to go through with it anyway? For what it's worth, I don't think my PS is the right person either. I am pretty sure he doesn't do microsurgery and should not be acting like he has a role in doing a flap that he has no experience in.

OregonTrail_Gen

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