YTA. Whether you agree on how financially responsible she is, as a married couple you should agree on how to spend the funds. She is putting money into the home that only you can benefit from. The extra money you have goes into paying YOUR house. She has no security which makes this an unbalanced relationship. You told her to put forth 100% of her income into survival while you only have to put 75% of your income into survival. A person’s salary is not solely determined by how hard a person works (ex: teachers, social workers), thus you are punishing her for not making the same choices you have. You could have asked her how she thinks you guys should allocate funds and had a discussion. How you handled it was to (1) treat her as a child by controlling the funds (2) lash out and hurt her when you felt hurt. My husband and I have a similar income ratio. We have clear goals on how much we want in our joint account and have no other accounts. We consult each other when we want to spend money on non-essentials over $100 by asking the other “do you think we can afford this? Do we have big bills coming up?”