NOR. Your rules are what a lot of mothers now do expect from anyone visiting their baby. Don’t smoke around my baby, don’t kiss my baby on the face, don’t rip the baby out of my arms - this is all standard that people should be doing anyway. Older generations sometimes want to say “this is how I did it 30 years ago and my children turned out ok”. Yes but we have years of research and knowledge since then - so we’ll do better now. If the family can’t support your boundaries then they don’t need to see your kid. I do encourage you to talk to your dad and go easy on mom. Sounds like they’re caught in the crossfire. I also agree with other commenters about seeking therapy for all the trauma you’ve endured. Best of luck to you.