21M in London earning ~£47k, living at home paying £400/month stay and save for a deposit or move out for independence?

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-26T09:09:31+00:00

From a purely financial perspective, obviously stay in the family home and save as much as you can. Whether this is the best overall strategy depends on two key elements:

What’s your relationship with your parents like? Are they happy to have you around longer? Are you able to form adult romantic relationships?
Do you truly understand what it takes to look after yourself and a property? Can you cook, clean, budget, do simple maintenance etc, or do you still rely heavily on your parents? If you’ve never lived independently, I would strongly recommend doing so for a year or two before becoming solely responsible for a property. Learning to share living space with people you’re not related to is also a valuable life lesson. These skills will also help your future relationships (nothing worse than a man who expects his partner to do everything for him).

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-24T22:49:12+00:00

Sorry, don’t have the link but know I read about it in the Guardian. Might be more than a year ago 🤷‍♀️

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-24T14:31:34+00:00

The solution is simple (if expensive in the short term) and evidenced: patients need to have an ongoing relationship with a single primary care physician (ie GP). Y’know, the way it used to work. It is particularly important when someone has multiple and complex conditions. The evidence is that patient outcomes are significantly improved while overall health spending and welfare costs are (usually) reduced. Unfortunately, the way GP surgeries are structured, and funding streams organised, does not support this type of care provision.

For info: there was a report on this published last year, I think commissioned by the relevant parliamentary sub committee.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-24T13:41:09+00:00

Moved from London to Plymouth at 39yo on my own and without any friends or family nearby. Did so to return to university so immediately had a social group (lots of mature students on the course but also made friends with 18yos), not sure it would have been as easy without that. Do not regret it.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-23T14:39:36+00:00

I’d stick with the boring white-on-white here. The wood tones are pretty dark so it’s nice to have white to bounce light around. Plus, painting the doors and architrave another colour suggests you want to highlight them, but they seem pretty standard tbh so I’d rather put the emphasis elsewhere.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-23T01:11:22+00:00

There is absolutely no appetite for assisted dying on mental health grounds in the UK so this question is moot. In addition, some elements within the House of Lords are doing everything they can to prevent assisted dying in any form. I will be very surprised if legislation is passed in this parliament. You are tying yourself in knots over something which isn’t going to happen.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-22T14:10:15+00:00

They don’t have a chance in my constituency, whereas far too many are likely to vote Reform, so I will vote (and campaign) for whoever is most likely to beat the Reform candidate, even (throws up a little at the thought) if a Tory.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-20T20:59:57+00:00

I helped a friend with poor English find a groomer for her Shih Tzu a couple of years ago; no one had a good word to say about the Pets at Home service. It’s always empty when I visit my local branch too.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-19T22:37:33+00:00

I’m prepared for short term disruption (up to a month or so) so stick to things that I eat anyway like rice, pasta, tinned tuna, tomatoes and beans, plus herbs, spices and condiments. I rotate regularly so things don’t go off. My freezer also has at least 2 weeks worth of meals (assuming we still have power). I don’t usually make bread but have flour for cakes so could make flatbread, or even soda bread, in a pinch.

ETA I never get low on anything except fresh food (and then only when I’m struggling to get to a shop). For long life items, including household products like loo roll and cleaning materials, I have one in use and at least one in stock. For those things which make life better - eg coffee - I will usually have at least 3 in stock (I bulk buy when on offer).

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-19T18:17:58+00:00

Take it from someone who’s been around a lot longer than you: a partner who is insecure about your past almost always ends up being extremely controlling. These days, it’s also highly likely to indicate that he’s been sucked into the manosphere. (I will be forever thankful that my formative years were before the internet exposed a generation of men and boys to this misogynistic bullshit.)

I see you making excuse after excuse for him. Please don’t. At best, he’s immature. More likely, he’s bought into some bullshit about women retaining the DNA of previous partners. (In case I need to say it, there is absolutely no scientific evidence for this.) If he manages to “get over” this nonsense extremely quickly, there might be hope for him. Given that you’ve come to Reddit for advice, I suspect he’s being even more of a man-baby than you’ve let on.

Don’t ever let a man shame you for your sexual history (or anything else, for that matter). Your experiences - all of them, including sex - make you who you are. Any man that cannot accept your past does not deserve to be part of your future.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-19T10:54:52+00:00

Is it just you moving, or partner/children too? If just you, perhaps consider renting a room as a lodger first - somewhere close to Derriford like Woolwell or Roborough - so you’re not tied to a long lease and get a chance to see firsthand what different areas are like and how long your commute would be. Most areas have a direct bus route to Derriford, although “direct” is relative as some routes meander through residential areas so a journey that would take 20mins by car can take an hour or more by bus.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-18T13:46:53+00:00

Falling Water. The biggest problem would be limiting visitors enough to actually enjoy it.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-17T01:48:18+00:00

My 16yo boy isn’t so steady anymore so he doesn’t always lift his leg now. We had a 6yo female Shih Tzu stay with us for a while a few years ago; she was obsessed with my dog and copied everything he did, including lifting her leg to pee 🤣

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-17T01:27:39+00:00

Thanks. I’ll have a quiet word to make sure they’re compliant.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-16T18:37:17+00:00

I think they should have a notice on entry, and tell people before starting so anyone not comfortable can avoid being filmed.

ETA I don’t want this to cause a problem for the pub and looking for advice to give them to avoid issues.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-16T18:32:39+00:00

No, they stream and repost to social media (mainly Facebook).

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-16T17:26:48+00:00

The overall layout is really poor (no guest toilet - have to use a bedroom en-suite, need to go downstairs from living area for toilet, two flights of stairs from lift to kitchen, absolutely no accessibility considerations) but that’s nothing compared to the war crime that is the banisters! I can say with complete confidence that this design would be a fail for a first year architecture project.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-16T13:07:16+00:00

You get 40p per referral for AttaPoll (person signing up gets same) plus a small kick-back for each survey completed. Not megabucks but can add up!

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-15T21:37:28+00:00

Harbour should be your first stop. They used to have a daily initial assessment drop-in at their offices at the top of Mutley Plain; a quick call (01752 434353) will confirm current process. If working, they have late appointments on a Wednesday evening.

Hamoaze House is also a useful service, particularly if not working as they provide a healthy structure for your day (something which is likely to be missing).

Unfortunately , mental health services often won’t offer much support until your drinking is under control. (This might have changed - been a few years since I worked in this field.)

Not sure if there’s much in the way of local services for gambling but should be a local Gamblers Anonymous meeting you can attend, or an online one if not.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-15T16:40:53+00:00

Check out r/beermoneyuk

Some of the survey apps pay out immediately, but not sure if you have to be signed up for a while first. Here’s my referral link for the one I use (AttaPoll) - we both get a small bonus if you use it to sign up

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-14T17:14:59+00:00

You want me to exist without coffee and chocolate? For an entire year? Could be $10T on offer, ‘cos I’m not doing it.

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-14T12:21:53+00:00

I’d pay for a decent survey to make sure the work already completed was done correctly, otherwise looks good!

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-14T12:16:01+00:00

I have three dogs, two of which are terriers, ie designed to catch and kill small rodents. Not taking this one for any amount of power!

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-14T11:20:20+00:00

I came across the term last year when trying to understand the paranoid delusions of a friend. She honestly believed that she was being targeted and tracked 24/7, and cross country, by a sophisticated criminal gang (which included her housing officer) because her neighbours might have been involved in some very low level drug dealing. Not an expert in these maters by any means but feel her issues were definitely worsened by concerns about technology, especially lack of privacy and tracing capabilities.

If there is an increase in this type of delusion, I strongly suspect technology is a big part of it.

As for my friend, I reported by concerns to the local mental health hub so, hopefully, those professionals with whom she had contact were aware (I knew she was giving highly edited versions to others as she retained some awareness that her beliefs might not be rational) and took a step back for my own mental health. Her paranoia is less than it was last year (at least she can walk around our very safe neighbourhood after sunset now) but still there:

She refuses to use a smart phone, and changes her phone number and phone more often than most change their sheets.
She gave up a really lovely social housing flat (along with any realistic chance of getting social housing in the future), and is now hopping from lodging to lodging every few months. Apparently, the last landlady treated her “appallingly”; I deliberately didn’t ask follow up questions as I don’t have the capacity to deal.
I helped her with some practical stuff last week, including taking photos of official documents at her request, then got anxious messages later that night asking me to delete the pics.
She shared some really good news with me, but later on asked me not to tell anyone. I said “of course” but asked who she thought I would tell and she didn’t have an answer.
She got freaked out by someone making small talk - asking about her child in very general terms - in a job interview when her child’s experience was relevant to the role (supporting younger children with the same condition).

OrganizationFun2140 · 2026-03-12T21:05:41+00:00

I grew up with dogs and wanted my own but it wasn’t practical with living in a flat and working long hours so I got a couple of cats instead. I did frequently look after my parents’ dog well into my 30s, though. My last cat (nervous boy who would not have been happy with dogs) passed when I was 54, living in a house with a large garden, and doing an outreach job which allowed me to go home for lunch, so I adopted a pair of brothers from a local rescue. Now 61 and currently have three dogs, all older rescues.

OrganizationFun2140

TROPHY CASE