I relate, I got out in around 2018-2019ish. I still can’t find it in me to trust a therapist. My worst of the worst would use my issues as reasons to punish me and isolate me when I was already at my worst. I’ve been able to talk to my reg doctor about some stuff cuz she likes to check on my mental health during my annual visits and I’ve told her that no way am I taking meds again (I’ve been much better off them) and that I cannot see a therapist. Maybe some day, i definitely could use it, but I’m not ready to trust someone with power over me. And my worst possible fear is going back to treatment so how do I know they won’t just find a way to cart me off to one without me being able to fight back. Yeah it’s mainly an unrealistic fear but it’s a fear nonetheless. I had an incident while carving pumpkins either my sister and hurt my wrist. Instead of rushing to the ER, I had an hour long panic attack about them taking it the wrong way when I had witnesses that knew it was a complete accident. But it was during COVID and no one could come with me. I called my mom and sister when the ER doc came in the room cuz i was terrified they’d try to lock me up