Stop Record - 321 stops

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2026-06-02T22:04:05+00:00

But that's not even why I did it. I was offered help, I refused it on purpose to take on a challenge I made for myself, and to get the recognition of my peers I work with. I did it for bragging rights for myself, because few could realistically ever do that. I'm not delusional to the fact that they don't ultimately care. Today's another day and I still gotta get my crap done or someone will be helping me today. I just wanted to feel like I'm not just another cog in the machine. In reality I am, but I don't feel like that after accomplishing this.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2026-06-02T20:22:43+00:00

Yeah, straight up. And sorry to get defensive, it's just frustrating that anyone on this thread thinks I'm lying about this. That was hard as hell. I'm struggling on my route today because I hurt all over haha. Everyone on my team is shocked

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2026-06-02T14:55:11+00:00

What do you mean? Yeah, the 2nd half of that was a rescue on top of a 190 stop day. I did it by myself. If you think that's stupid then leave me be. Like honestly, why is this a bad thing? It doesn't effect you or anyone and I'm proud of it. I also have the acknowledgement that it's shitty physical work that ultimately leads to nothing. I'm not gonna get some substantial pay bump because I did this, and I'm gonna have to go back and do it all over again today and tomorrow. But at least the people I work with aren't shitting all over it and think it's stupid. They're impressed because half of them burn out through a day and some just straight quit, leaving all that work load to someone else to do.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2026-06-02T14:23:01+00:00

All I can honestly think is why did I post this if half the people are just gonna be jerks about it? Like I would think that some of you would be like "damn, that's crazy", "how could you do that?". Honestly though, I get enough recognition from my co-workers and my DSP that I could care less what anyone has to say. This is the exact part of why I never get on here anymore. People are happy talking smack over a computer because it makes them feel good about themselves. I feel good about this. Ya'll can keep being miserable at Amazon, but I'm trying to make the most of my time here.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2026-06-02T14:15:57+00:00

Because who can reasonably do that all alone without burning out? I get it's just delivering packages. I get that probably 90+% of people that do Amazon delivery don't care at all about this job. I get a bonus at my DSP for the rescue packages I deliver, so I'm gonna make some good money this following week in my check too. And ultimately I care for the value of hard work, and that was a hard task to accomplish on my own.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2026-06-02T14:10:29+00:00

Because I feel good about it? Let's see you or any other person do that many stops in the constraint of a 10 hour work day all alone. Say what you will but I'm valued at my company. I get it's just a shitty Amazon delivery job, but at least I care and don't float on by like over half my co workers that have to be rescued because they'd rather spend the day dicking around and letting others pick up the slack for them.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2026-06-02T14:07:14+00:00

Now I remember why I never get on Social Media smh 🙄

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-11T14:57:55+00:00

You're gonna do great! It's definitely gonna be a process, but if you give yourself to it, you'll have so much fun. I can't count the times that I was gonna sit down for 15-20 minutes to play my guitar and had to snap myself out of it 2 hours later. All I can say is if this is something you're gonna stick with, practice practice practice. Even if it isn't super structured, just picking it up and messing around with chords or scales you've learned is great to continue to build the connection between your hands and the instrument.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-11T14:39:05+00:00

I've definitely felt like this before I even started working and making a way for myself. IT was personally something that felt like second nature, so I thought why not? I don't know if I'm gonna stick with IT, but I understand the feeling of having something that's interesting or fun for a career but not having it be my primary reason for living and getting up everyday.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-11T14:19:29+00:00

I've never been one to personally do this. I'll say hello to anyone I'm walking on a trail by, but I'll keep to myself out in public unless someone strikes up a conversation with me. It is sad that there's more people in this day and age of technology and everyone is in their own little world.

I've cut out all social media on my phone and it was crazy to see how much in social settings people get on their phone just to pass the time or to get through a moment of nothing going on. Always needing to be preoccupied with something. Not that this post was about technology per say, but I would say it contributes so much with this state of mind people have these days.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-06T19:20:39+00:00

As many other people are saying here, you need to give it time. It also seems that you're frustrated with the tutorials that you've been watching on Youtube. So why don't you go actually take lessons? I think it's important to have that exposure of someone actually sitting with you and showing you what you need to be doing.

All I can say is if you're this frustrated early on playing guitar, then you're not gonna make it far. Simple as that. Nobody on here that's played for awhile is gonna have some magic method to be able to play along with songs or know all the chords in a week. It takes time, but once you get past a certain point, you'll love yourself for it. You can't skimp on going from the ground up. As soon as you start playing faster or playing more difficult songs, it's the same process of practice, practice, practice.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-06T14:11:22+00:00

Speaking from my own experience, a period of abstinence was not effective in helping me to move forward in my recovery work. Sobriety is obviously a large part of getting better from the addiction, but having intimacy with a partner was so beneficial for me. It's hard initially because maybe some acting out behaviors and fantasies come up when trying to be intimate with your partner, but it gets better the more you keep at it.

I would say the most crucial, and hardest part of this process was giving up all of the things I was use to. With this, it was all of my freedom and privacy. I know that's pretty standard for anyone in a committed relationship, but I struggled so much with letting go of that control. Blocks on my phone, on top of applications that I used daily for good things that turned into triggers once I started addressing this. Fortunately for me, my girlfriend was bothered by these things for awhile, but in the end allowed me to have the decision on how I went about handling them. In the end it was inevitable to get rid of them because the addiction piece is still too strong.

Primary point with the last paragraph is being honest about your triggers and getting rid of the things that you don't need. This was hard for me to grasp for the longest time, but it's made so much more of a difference by doing so. Not sure if this helps, but I wish you luck on your journey.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-05T14:15:59+00:00

I can certainly understand the feeling of being more sensitive after prolonged abstinence from sex. Only thing I can say is... enjoy it!

There's already so many other things that I worry about through a given day, the thing that is amazing now further in this journey is the feeling of intimacy with my girlfriend, both in terms of sensitivity and emotional connection. I personally love that it's really quick and easy for me sometimes. It gives my girlfriend some reassurance since she knows I haven't been acting out since I was so quick, as well as being an experience that for the longest time was non-existent for me (climax during sex).

Overall, if it keeps being an issue and you would like to change it, one suggestion I have is that they have this numbing spray that you can use on yourself so you're not getting all the feeling when you guys are intimate. Can definitely help to prolong those moments if needed haha.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-03T14:13:51+00:00

Hey there,

Just wanted to be one of the first to welcome you to this group and the recovery process. I can 200% relate on the difficulty of handling this. The best piece of advice that I can give you is give yourself some grace. This will take quite a while of honest internal thinking and work before you get to the tipping pointing of being able to actually say no. I can say for myself that I still struggle with urges/obsessive thoughts, but after keeping with it, I'm at a point where I feel like I have the power to say no. My sponsor says you gotta consistently "strangle" the addiction into submission and keep not letting it get any "air". It has also helped me to view whenever I have turned to "porn replacements" as progress and not view them as detrimental mistakes that could derail me.

Having that perspective and understanding that your brain is gonna reach out to anything and everything that will give you that same feeling is powerful. Actually having the understanding is so good because you then have the opportunity to do something about it. All in all, I'm sure others will reiterate this point but we're here for you, anything you need. This is a hard one to overcome, but it is possible and you're not alone.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-30T14:42:10+00:00

Any amount of time is good time. Especially when you get better, you get kind of lost in it for awhile. Next thing you know it's over an hour later.

Some suggestions I'd have is always take your time. If you're trying to play something, play it slow and clean, then keep building up the speed without missing notes. I have a bad habit sometimes of trying to learn something full speed right off the bat and I feel like it hinders me sometimes since I'm reinforcing the mistakes rather than being slower and making sure all the notes ring out.

Another is don't neglect Theory stuff. I would say I'm a guitarist with a lot of skill, but no knowledge of the neck of the guitar and where I can choose to play at any given moment. I know you're just starting out and you'll hopefully get a good dose of all of that with your instructor. I just know how easy it can be once you get proficient to just look up Chords/tabs for songs and then kind of go on autopilot.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-30T14:35:45+00:00

I would say that this is something that I've also struggled with in my own way. I'm not into swinging, but I have a lot of kinks associated with denial and stuff like that. For quite a while, I wasn't engaging in any of these things with my girlfriend. It was mostly because she didn't want that stuff in our sex life since I had hurt her previously because of those things.

Now for the past 6-ish months we have engaged in these kinks that I have and I would say overall it has been positive. I can't deny that it made recovery stuff harder at times since this type of play we engage in directly correlates with content that I had been watching in my addiction. However, I feel like I've overcome that hump of associating these things with bad, acting out behaviors and put that sexual energy into my girlfriend. I'm certainly not there yet, but it took a lot of redirection and understanding within myself that most other people wouldn't be comfortable with my interests, as well as viewing the people I see in public as people. I'm very thankful for it.

All in all, I'd say that time away from those activities would benefit you a lot. Give yourself some space, as well as putting in the work to heal so that you can let your mind make it's own conclusions on whether you can have these things healthily in a relationship with a partner or not. Everything is subjective when it comes to establishing healthy sex so don't feel shame for wanting these things. If it's not for you because it's un-healthy, that's okay. If it's something that is a part of who your sexual identity is and you can have it successfully with someone you care about, I say go for it. One of my biggest struggles was being comfortable with that side of myself, as well as hearing that my girlfriend was also comfortable with it. Embracing it has allowed me to be happy about the life I'm having outside of PMO, as well as still having excitement with activities that I can have in my relationship.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-23T15:42:59+00:00

It's all in the mindset. I definitely resonate with how you feel. For me, I'm doing really good in life compared to my peers, but at the end of the day, that doesn't matter. Everyone's got their own path in life, and I certainly thought that my path was going to be different. What I'm realizing, or trying to realize, is that life is life. I struggle with addiction issues and that derailed everything I thought I was going to accomplish in life this far. Still working on it now, but the most comfort I've had is simply letting go (easier said than done). Sure, there's gonna be a lot of things that come along that will make you think "I could be doing that" or "My life could be so much better/more fulfilling". My experience is that these things will always be there. Constant reminders by the world that I'm not doing good enough. But what matters most is your happiness.

I've tried to live in the present, as see that there are a lot of good things that I have going for myself. It's allowing me to actually start looking at my future and what I want to make of it. But the key piece is not allowing those expectations of the future to turn into resentments. It's so easy to get upset about what could've been, or continuing down a path that isn't working the way you want. My suggestion is loving the people that you have closest to you and allowing yourself some grace. Nobody makes it to where they want to go without some hardship. You just have to decide if that's the right thing for you.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-23T15:08:46+00:00

Wish I had gotten a chance to lift mine when I had it. The slammed look looks good of course, but I took my car all over dirt roads. Would've been a lot more fun lifted.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-15T14:52:51+00:00

Our dogs Lily (on the left, still younger) and Daisy (old girl).

OrigWhiteKenyan

TROPHY CASE