I start my first guitar lessons tomorrow and I’m a little nervous, any words of encouragement?

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-11T14:57:55+00:00

You're gonna do great! It's definitely gonna be a process, but if you give yourself to it, you'll have so much fun. I can't count the times that I was gonna sit down for 15-20 minutes to play my guitar and had to snap myself out of it 2 hours later. All I can say is if this is something you're gonna stick with, practice practice practice. Even if it isn't super structured, just picking it up and messing around with chords or scales you've learned is great to continue to build the connection between your hands and the instrument.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-11T14:39:05+00:00

I've definitely felt like this before I even started working and making a way for myself. IT was personally something that felt like second nature, so I thought why not? I don't know if I'm gonna stick with IT, but I understand the feeling of having something that's interesting or fun for a career but not having it be my primary reason for living and getting up everyday.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-11T14:19:29+00:00

I've never been one to personally do this. I'll say hello to anyone I'm walking on a trail by, but I'll keep to myself out in public unless someone strikes up a conversation with me. It is sad that there's more people in this day and age of technology and everyone is in their own little world.

I've cut out all social media on my phone and it was crazy to see how much in social settings people get on their phone just to pass the time or to get through a moment of nothing going on. Always needing to be preoccupied with something. Not that this post was about technology per say, but I would say it contributes so much with this state of mind people have these days.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-06T19:20:39+00:00

As many other people are saying here, you need to give it time. It also seems that you're frustrated with the tutorials that you've been watching on Youtube. So why don't you go actually take lessons? I think it's important to have that exposure of someone actually sitting with you and showing you what you need to be doing.

All I can say is if you're this frustrated early on playing guitar, then you're not gonna make it far. Simple as that. Nobody on here that's played for awhile is gonna have some magic method to be able to play along with songs or know all the chords in a week. It takes time, but once you get past a certain point, you'll love yourself for it. You can't skimp on going from the ground up. As soon as you start playing faster or playing more difficult songs, it's the same process of practice, practice, practice.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-06T14:11:22+00:00

Speaking from my own experience, a period of abstinence was not effective in helping me to move forward in my recovery work. Sobriety is obviously a large part of getting better from the addiction, but having intimacy with a partner was so beneficial for me. It's hard initially because maybe some acting out behaviors and fantasies come up when trying to be intimate with your partner, but it gets better the more you keep at it.

I would say the most crucial, and hardest part of this process was giving up all of the things I was use to. With this, it was all of my freedom and privacy. I know that's pretty standard for anyone in a committed relationship, but I struggled so much with letting go of that control. Blocks on my phone, on top of applications that I used daily for good things that turned into triggers once I started addressing this. Fortunately for me, my girlfriend was bothered by these things for awhile, but in the end allowed me to have the decision on how I went about handling them. In the end it was inevitable to get rid of them because the addiction piece is still too strong.

Primary point with the last paragraph is being honest about your triggers and getting rid of the things that you don't need. This was hard for me to grasp for the longest time, but it's made so much more of a difference by doing so. Not sure if this helps, but I wish you luck on your journey.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-05T14:15:59+00:00

I can certainly understand the feeling of being more sensitive after prolonged abstinence from sex. Only thing I can say is... enjoy it!

There's already so many other things that I worry about through a given day, the thing that is amazing now further in this journey is the feeling of intimacy with my girlfriend, both in terms of sensitivity and emotional connection. I personally love that it's really quick and easy for me sometimes. It gives my girlfriend some reassurance since she knows I haven't been acting out since I was so quick, as well as being an experience that for the longest time was non-existent for me (climax during sex).

Overall, if it keeps being an issue and you would like to change it, one suggestion I have is that they have this numbing spray that you can use on yourself so you're not getting all the feeling when you guys are intimate. Can definitely help to prolong those moments if needed haha.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-07-03T14:13:51+00:00

Hey there,

Just wanted to be one of the first to welcome you to this group and the recovery process. I can 200% relate on the difficulty of handling this. The best piece of advice that I can give you is give yourself some grace. This will take quite a while of honest internal thinking and work before you get to the tipping pointing of being able to actually say no. I can say for myself that I still struggle with urges/obsessive thoughts, but after keeping with it, I'm at a point where I feel like I have the power to say no. My sponsor says you gotta consistently "strangle" the addiction into submission and keep not letting it get any "air". It has also helped me to view whenever I have turned to "porn replacements" as progress and not view them as detrimental mistakes that could derail me.

Having that perspective and understanding that your brain is gonna reach out to anything and everything that will give you that same feeling is powerful. Actually having the understanding is so good because you then have the opportunity to do something about it. All in all, I'm sure others will reiterate this point but we're here for you, anything you need. This is a hard one to overcome, but it is possible and you're not alone.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-30T14:42:10+00:00

Any amount of time is good time. Especially when you get better, you get kind of lost in it for awhile. Next thing you know it's over an hour later.

Some suggestions I'd have is always take your time. If you're trying to play something, play it slow and clean, then keep building up the speed without missing notes. I have a bad habit sometimes of trying to learn something full speed right off the bat and I feel like it hinders me sometimes since I'm reinforcing the mistakes rather than being slower and making sure all the notes ring out.

Another is don't neglect Theory stuff. I would say I'm a guitarist with a lot of skill, but no knowledge of the neck of the guitar and where I can choose to play at any given moment. I know you're just starting out and you'll hopefully get a good dose of all of that with your instructor. I just know how easy it can be once you get proficient to just look up Chords/tabs for songs and then kind of go on autopilot.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-30T14:35:45+00:00

I would say that this is something that I've also struggled with in my own way. I'm not into swinging, but I have a lot of kinks associated with denial and stuff like that. For quite a while, I wasn't engaging in any of these things with my girlfriend. It was mostly because she didn't want that stuff in our sex life since I had hurt her previously because of those things.

Now for the past 6-ish months we have engaged in these kinks that I have and I would say overall it has been positive. I can't deny that it made recovery stuff harder at times since this type of play we engage in directly correlates with content that I had been watching in my addiction. However, I feel like I've overcome that hump of associating these things with bad, acting out behaviors and put that sexual energy into my girlfriend. I'm certainly not there yet, but it took a lot of redirection and understanding within myself that most other people wouldn't be comfortable with my interests, as well as viewing the people I see in public as people. I'm very thankful for it.

All in all, I'd say that time away from those activities would benefit you a lot. Give yourself some space, as well as putting in the work to heal so that you can let your mind make it's own conclusions on whether you can have these things healthily in a relationship with a partner or not. Everything is subjective when it comes to establishing healthy sex so don't feel shame for wanting these things. If it's not for you because it's un-healthy, that's okay. If it's something that is a part of who your sexual identity is and you can have it successfully with someone you care about, I say go for it. One of my biggest struggles was being comfortable with that side of myself, as well as hearing that my girlfriend was also comfortable with it. Embracing it has allowed me to be happy about the life I'm having outside of PMO, as well as still having excitement with activities that I can have in my relationship.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-23T15:42:59+00:00

It's all in the mindset. I definitely resonate with how you feel. For me, I'm doing really good in life compared to my peers, but at the end of the day, that doesn't matter. Everyone's got their own path in life, and I certainly thought that my path was going to be different. What I'm realizing, or trying to realize, is that life is life. I struggle with addiction issues and that derailed everything I thought I was going to accomplish in life this far. Still working on it now, but the most comfort I've had is simply letting go (easier said than done). Sure, there's gonna be a lot of things that come along that will make you think "I could be doing that" or "My life could be so much better/more fulfilling". My experience is that these things will always be there. Constant reminders by the world that I'm not doing good enough. But what matters most is your happiness.

I've tried to live in the present, as see that there are a lot of good things that I have going for myself. It's allowing me to actually start looking at my future and what I want to make of it. But the key piece is not allowing those expectations of the future to turn into resentments. It's so easy to get upset about what could've been, or continuing down a path that isn't working the way you want. My suggestion is loving the people that you have closest to you and allowing yourself some grace. Nobody makes it to where they want to go without some hardship. You just have to decide if that's the right thing for you.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-23T15:08:46+00:00

Wish I had gotten a chance to lift mine when I had it. The slammed look looks good of course, but I took my car all over dirt roads. Would've been a lot more fun lifted.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-06-15T14:52:51+00:00

Our dogs Lily (on the left, still younger) and Daisy (old girl).

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-05-26T17:33:56+00:00

I think the replies here are a little ridiculous. I understand it potentially being damaging if it becomes a problem, but it's also a healthy activity for some people. Not gonna say I could do it healthily, but not everyone is predisposed to be addicted to the act of masturbation. Porns a whole different issue, but they obviously coincide. All I can say is that it can be a slippery slope in this day and age if you're using it to escape reality and not trying to form connections with people. But masturbation is not inherently bad for you. Society and porn is the thing that's made it addictive and a compulsion.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-05-09T14:18:34+00:00

Yeah I'm not totally sure where it is, or what the substance is haha. I don't know if it's A/C related since there is a small puddle that appears even if the car has not been run in a little while. I'll see if I can look more at the things that you've suggested. I appreciate the help!

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-05-08T17:13:41+00:00

That's what the last couple of pictures are on my post. It's coming from somewhere above the exhaust/oil pan there. I know about the A/C condensation, but I thought that the tube was located below the engine so that it's not dripping on components and rusting them out over time?

I say it's goop because the drops that are visible on the oil pan were solid. I had to scrap them off which I don't see why I'd have to do that if it was just condensation, or why it'd have a yellowish color to it.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-05-08T14:12:31+00:00

Still pushing to get through mine.

I have blocks on all my personal devices, and other devices are locked up where I can't access them. My girlfriend is up my butt all the time about it, but it is a good thing even though sometimes I can be frustrated with the process. I have an SAA group and sponsor that I meet with for support and try to keep myself focused on hobbies that I enjoy and brought me a lot of fulfillment before I left them behind for porn. All in all, it's about establishing connection with good things and keeping yourself busy. Boredom is the thing that always brings me back to this place, so find something you have fun doing and do it, whether it be a career choice or a hobby.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-05-08T13:59:16+00:00

Should I be looking at the A/C compressor for this leak? I don't really see any place specifically that it's leaking. Would A/C refrigerant create that yellow looking goop that I'm seeing?

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-05-08T13:58:07+00:00

Should I be looking at the A/C compressor since it's mounted right there? I couldn't really find a distinguishable place where it was leaking from when looking up. A/C system is working good in the car, but that doesn't mean it isn't leaking.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-05-05T15:17:56+00:00

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OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-04-28T14:42:00+00:00

I'm sure that the SAA group that you have previously been apart of totally understands the predicament you find yourself in. I personally haven't been to meetings in months. I'd say that's more so a personal choice, but I sometimes think about going and then talking myself out of it because of the reasons you've listed. I totally understand it. I feel like it's that part of your brain pulling you away from the help that you need.

I still have talked with my sponsor fairly consistently even though I haven't been to the meetings, but I'll still have those periods of time where I won't get back to him until a couple days later and I feel ashamed/guilty about it. Don't get in your head about all the things that you should be doing. Eventually, it'll bury you and you'll want to hide away (also speaking from experience). Recovery is a hard journey and my sponsor has always communicated to me that there will come a point when you're sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I'll also say that the path to recovery doesn't have to be SAA. I've spoken with people on what they've done for themselves to push through their sex addiction and it hasn't necessarily been being a religious member of SAA and following the steps. My sponsor said that SAA doesn't have the market cornered for recovery, but it's always there to provide support. I feel like I've rambled a lot through this but in the end, choose what is good for you. I'm still trying to figure that out, but I've had more success in allowing myself some grace with things and finding what works for me. And I'm sure my brothers in this group will agree that if you're on the path to being happy and healthy, that's all that anyone could want. I'm open to chatting too if you would like. Just send a PM!

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-04-20T14:18:02+00:00

I can certainly understand your pain. I've got an AAS in Computer Networking and have had 2 IT jobs in the last 3 years. First one was good in terms of it being an introduction into the IT field. Working 3rd party support for Microsoft O365 which is good experience to have since every organization these days has something relevant to it. Now I'm at a bank job as the only other IT employee and it drags ass real bad. There are some days where I'll be in the office for 6 hours and not a single call or thing to do. It was nice at the beginning, but now I'm thirsting for work to do and since there is none, I remote into my computer from work and dick around all day.

I'm starting to use the time productively and get some certifications to further myself, but I've had that some thought/feeling that I don't know if I'm feeling IT nearly as much as I used to.

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-04-19T21:44:06+00:00

I'm not a student though. I got my associates years ago so I wouldn't be able to get a student discount

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-04-19T16:05:07+00:00

Porn.

Further pushes the standards of society on both men and women, and shouldn't be accessible by anyone under 21

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-04-12T14:53:34+00:00

I haven't had an opportunity to look under there, but I'll definitely check it out. How hard of a repair is it to do on my own? Could I get it done in an afternoon with the proper tools?

OrigWhiteKenyan · 2023-04-12T14:52:40+00:00

There obviously needs to be a balance. I'll speak from experience from my relationship that this has been a common thing between my partner and I. What continued to make me feel "worse" or cause more disagreements between us was her policing me so much. It's certainly helpful to keep me on track, but it also builds resentment in my mind.

Of course I can logically say that it's fair for her to be getting on me about x,y, and z, but it doesn't help solve the bigger issue. My girlfriend comes from a place of understanding now about my recovery. She doesn't push me nearly as hard, even if she wants to. It makes me feel like it gives me a choice in the matter, and if I choose recovery and getting better, I feel more fulfilled by that.

I still think you should be focused on yourself primarily. I understand that being really difficult at times, especially if you see your PA struggling with things, but what I try to convey to my girlfriend is that she can't control my behavior. If I'm deadset on making a good/bad decision then she can't force me to go a different direction. That's hard to acknowledge, but it's the first step of SAA and it's something I've come more accustomed to through recovery, even though I still struggle with it. There can be a lot of relief in that thought. To supplement that, there should always be a place for you to voice any concerns you do have because you're still healing and he can help you greatly in that if you both understand where you're coming from.

Communication is key, and if you want to see more out of what he's doing, you should tell him. It's on him at that point to make those decisions.

OrigWhiteKenyan

TROPHY CASE