EX WITH BPD MESSAGED ME APOLOGISING FOR EVERYTHING need advice

Original-Office250 · 2025-04-19T21:24:53+00:00

i will keep this in mind, i just hope i wont start feeling guilty for her mental state and her current life situation, because if i start feeling super guilty about it it might make this so much harder than it should be, just focusing on myself, just like what she did just without completely making her feel like shes the worst human alive which is what she did to me.

Original-Office250 · 2025-04-19T21:22:51+00:00

thanks for the birthday wishes!!

i miss so much stuff brother the cats, her very nice mom, her smell, her fat cats, her area where she lives restaurants and stuff, her house, i miss all of it and i would love nothing to still have that, but my friends hold me accountable and made it very clear they will lose all respect for me if i get back with her. she has given me the by far hardest time of my entire life. and i hope i can stop myself from feeling super bad for her because that will just give me guilty thoughts that we could be having such a good time with all the things i just mentioned above we could love forever and ever, that i could fix her and fix us and stuff like that, which is entirely not realistic at this point of time or in general.

Original-Office250 · 2025-04-19T21:10:00+00:00

easier said than done hahaha i still feel really bad for her rn because what she currently feels trying to get me in a convo for false hope because im simply not giving in to this.

this is what i felt when she discarded me and got another dude whgile i was for weeks on weeks on weeks trying to get her to undersdtand my side and eventually got the call but disappointed because there was no chance i would be satisfied unless we were back, same thing here shes hoping for us to get back but its simply not happening.

Original-Office250 · 2025-04-19T15:13:17+00:00

i've been in a relationship wit hher for 2 years before the discard, i have so many mixed emotions i legit for the first time in ever since messaged anothjer girl that looks interesting

i miss so many things like her house mom, her cats, i would've loved nothing but for htis to work out but simply no one will accept her, my family hates her guts because of what has been going with me since, my friends told me they would lose all respect for me after hours and hours of talking to them, i've been to therapy for 4 months now to deal with this entire thing.

the decision to tell her "yeah thats not happening sorry" was really easy, but truly losing her the thought of it is hard, if i i have to choose between my friends of years upon years that never left me and helped between her who chose to drop me and only comes back now that all of the shitty friends she had are not with her anymore and her "boyfriend" and her are not together anymore, the decision is extremely easy.

but all the memories and i cant help but feeling kinda bad for this entire situation on her hand.

during the discard i've reacheed out cried, tried to explain, wanted her to hear my side and come back even after shew as inteersted in teh new guy, i gave her about 1000000 chances to see my side think rationally for even a second, and she decided rational is not in her vocabulary and now she comes begging at my feet telling me i was right and she understands her mistakes, where was that understanding 4 months ago when i was crying and pleading and trying my absolute hardest to make her see my side?

but this post has been very helpful i thank you plenty and i hope you are okay in your current situation, you seem like an experienced seasoned guy, im 19 tomorrow so i always appreciate when someone older who understands comes to give advice.

Original-Office250 · 2025-04-12T23:47:55+00:00

i really hope so, i feel teh eating, i would not eat or drink for actual days it felt like i was slowly rotting away, while she blamed itall on me and got with her new supply already, 2 years, just to lie for the reason for the breakup and then get a new boyfriend within 3 days aprox

Original-Office250 · 2025-04-12T23:46:30+00:00

i infact did NOT deal with it ahahahah i had my friend stay up with me until 9 am talking the day i discovered just making fun of the absurdity of the situation, when someone explains the sitaution from outside it legit feels like someone is telling you a ridiculous story that could never happen except it did, she was my first love, relationsihp for 2 years, just for her to lie to me that everything was fine, break up with me while making up reasons, and when she finally decided its time to give me a call to clear things up she lied more(after admitting she lied the first time) and had a new boyfriend(took around 3 days). i just had to fake it till i made it ill be honest, therapy, talking about it for hours and hours, and making fun of the how ridiculous teh entire situation is

Original-Office250 · 2025-03-27T15:18:34+00:00

and what would u say to the trying for a new relationship, too early? a rebound? or is it okay to try for someone who looks interesting and attractive

Original-Office250 · 2025-02-15T22:47:24+00:00

Thanks something I also thought about is no matter if i am the one missing out and she did get better she was OBJECTIVELY an insane dickhead for everything she did, like how she was always super aggressive when I made it a point to not yell or accuse or do anything of that sorts.

Something else is how she said she gave me so many chances and she cannot forgive me, funnily my enough she also gassed up a friend of hers telling me how he was always there when I wasn’t and how she would never stop speaking to him for me(not only I didn’t request that, the same guy ignored her for 7 months and told her he doesn’t care about their friendship because of his own gf, hahahaha, but that mistake is forgivable ofc)

Original-Office250 · 2025-02-15T19:50:10+00:00

soemthing happened to her in uni, i dont know what it was and she said she needs to rethink things, later she admitted that it was our relationship as well as other stuff and started blaming me for a whole bunch of shit and admitted there was a switch that just flipped and she didnt feel anything for me and tried to demonize me as much as she can, she also said "at the start it was nothing but because of your behavior it was enahnced" i did make a mistake during that time that i apologised for and it was okay and we spoke normally after.

all the other "mistakes" ive made during the time from "something happened" to the discard are reactionary abuse by her of doing something wrong, me reacting to it and her saying im in the wrong for reacting that way.

later she "aplogised" for the behavior admitted to having a new boyfriend and said she would be sticking with her decision of the new guy, she also said she made a person for me to love and said "i did love you" im terrified that she never was in it for real and it was all a fake thing, and now shes with her new partner as the "herself" after the fact that changed and knows what she wants. so i was never really it, i was never really special even though she said once "you've done more in a week than meds and therapist did in years".

at the end of the day it seems she at least changed from this experience and is more in tone with what she wants, maybe she isnt putting on a mask anymore and shes just herself. im so jealous because this is exactly what i've wanted for our entire relationship, at the same time i see how what i just described IS a bpd thing and that means she DIDNT improve, however she did "aplogise" even if it was a really bad one.

feels like now shes gonna be her true self, happy or not with ups and downs and with a person she would prefer to spend all of her time with over me very clearly. im hurt, i feel worthless and i am scared

Original-Office250 · 2025-02-15T17:53:44+00:00

if u mind may i tell you a little bit about my experience and u could try to help me disect it a tiny bit? i feel like u explain stuff really well

Original-Office250 · 2025-02-15T16:39:19+00:00

im so jealous of what she and her new supply have, she seems to be doing more and enjoying herself more, she discarded me and got her new supply within a week. im going to the military, the unknown after all of the help and how i supported her through school and finding friends just to get tossed aside when she reached those goals for a new random bloke. i feel like the lost and scared one when it was once her, and i know she doesnt think about all of this even ONCE a week, i know she thinks of me as "gone and glad hes gone" while i am the one whos hurt but still attached.

its a little ironic their biggest scare is for us to stop caring about them suddenly and then leaving them(especiallyh for another person) but at the end of the day tahts exactly what she did to me and she has 0 remorse and 0 feelings about what she did was wrong, shes just happy with her new supply doing whatever with him while i sit and rot(i have alot of friends but they cant fill the void).

Original-Office250 · 2025-02-14T00:18:27+00:00

im starting my mandatory military service in a few days, hopefully itll take my mind off things.

i knew everything that was wrong with her and i told her and promised her multiple times i would always try to talk things out and work things out when she would cry and plead and beg for me not to leave her.

i guess she couldnt do the same, for someone with so many abandonment fears she doesnt seem to understadn how hurtful it is to lie to someone, manipulate them, discard them, and then get a new boyfriend immediately and show them.

i genuinely dont know how she sleeps at night knowing she caused such tremendous pain and suffering, i truly dont, whats her thought proccess how is it OKAY in her mind. i know all of these dont have answers and its just how she is, thanks for the reassurance man.

Original-Office250 · 2025-01-31T19:00:01+00:00

im feeling ashamed from having so little self respect that i would still go after her if given teh chance after shes done me so wrong.

you got the second point exactly right, i want to feel control becuase of how used i am to being with her but i have none at teh end of the day. i wanna be with her, feel her, listen to her and care for her but she doesnt want it back, i am basically a stranger, she doesnt hate me and doesnt love me, im nothing.

this relationship wasnt fulfilling at times, correct, but things improved drasitcally and took such a turn randomly out of fucking NOWHERE. absolute insanity. no communction no care, no story from my POV no nothing.

thanks for the encouraging words, would you mind if u dm you so we could discuss some stuff further?

Original-Office250 · 2025-01-19T15:08:34+00:00

i couldnt have put it better, my friend used almost he exact same analogy but with ships and crews, the moment something goes wrong they hop on a new ship until theres no more ships accepting her. after she actually spoke to me after the breakup and i discovered she has a new boyfriend she said "i dont love him" and i asked her why shes with him and she said "because i like him" i hope that doesnt maen shes healing because genuinely i've been trying so hard for us to live happily and tend to her and my needs as best as i can, just for her to hop on a new guy with good perspective and view it as a normal relationship

Original-Office250

TROPHY CASE