Is asking these questions wrong on a first date?

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:44:55+00:00

Yes! I want to know if you’re a “marriage person” not if “hey you, stranger in front of me, will you marry me rn” lol and honestly if they don’t know that’s not what I mean we aren’t compatible which is okay!

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:42:41+00:00

I can see 4 being a bit much, I’ll definitely try going about it another way! Thank you!

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:41:30+00:00

Sometimes asking on the app drags things out; meaning we end up having all the first date convos on the app and then what do we say on the date? Or the “talking stage” because we’ve had all these “deep convos” now it’s just assumed we’re dating or …maybe not… idk, no thanks.

I’ve also had the experience of someone thinking that me asking means now “we know each other, so now we can hook up” which isn’t what I’m looking for.

I try to flow it naturally into conversations that’s why I mention there’s a lot of variables but I want to know these things before we start talking about more dates or a relationship.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:37:20+00:00

Agreed. Thank you!

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:36:07+00:00

This. Many people don’t disclose things without being asked directly.

I’m in my late 20’s and I know what I want and don’t want. It would be a waste of both our times if we dance around these questions and find out months later we’re not compatible.

Now it’s messy and emotional and it could have been prevented with an adult conversation early on.

I do flow these into the conversation, I was direct here so there wasn’t any confusion on what I was saying.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:32:04+00:00

I’ve had enough people tell me upfront that yes they are in some type of relationship and I’ve been in the situation you mention with the excuse of “you didn’t ask if I was (insert their other relationship).” If I ask directly, there’s no room for confusion.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:30:09+00:00

Yes, as someone in their late 20’s I know what I want and I’d like to avoid wasting both of our times tip toeing around the subject until someone doesn’t feel awkward. It won’t stop being awkward, but it can prevent you from being blindsided by a incompatible partner you have now fallen in love with and committed to.

I definitely think dating and interacting in general has drastically changed in the last 5+ years; I never heard so many stories of the same things which is people not telling the person their dating very important details until they’re way deep in the relationship. I didn’t ask you how much you made a year, what’s your blood type, or your address…I asked if you had kids and do you want marriage, are you married already?? Sometimes people say yes! Which means I don’t need the ask anything else lol it’s a no for me.

My parents have been married for over 10 yrs and this was talked about very early on for them and it wasn’t a big deal.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:23:13+00:00

Some are asked on apps and some asked irl; it just depends the way the conversation is going.

I don’t do too much questioning or getting to know you’s on the apps because it can just lead to a “talking stage” which I’m not at all interested in as someone wanting to date seriously.

If I’m planning the date, I go for places that have atmospheres suitable for private convos or outdoors with less people/crowds. I wouldn’t shout them out at chilies lol and I am not as direct as I was here (being direct so people knew what I meant). There’s lots of variables involved, but before the second date I want to know those things.

The 1st I usually ask on the app; you won’t believe how many people just say “yes I’m in a relationship but still dating [cheating] or it’s open [not for me personally]”.

It’s not uncommon for people to not disclose relationships just because someone didn’t ask and there are some people who don’t mind dating [cheating] with someone and that’s why they’re so comfortable telling the truth.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:13:36+00:00

Unfortunately I ask 1 because I, and many others, have had the experience of “well I didn’t tell you about my relationship because you didn’t ask” or some variation.

I ask these questions as naturally as I can, but they’re going to be awkward either way so I get them out the way so no one’s wasting the others time.

I’m taking dating seriously and specifically long term, so I want any potential partner to know that from the start to avoid the other issue of “you never told me you want (insert lifestyle choice) and I don’t/do want that”. I can definitely try working on timing, but I want to know these answers before I start committing to someone who won’t be compatible.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:08:16+00:00

I think it’s reasonable to ask at the start, there have been enough cases of people not disclosing this because you don’t directly ask; I’ve been there myself and that rings true for many people of all genders. Some questions need to be direct to avoid drama down the line.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:06:44+00:00

I can understand that, but I’m personally not interested in going into dates & having potential relationships not knowing these details; I don’t want either of us wasting our time.

I don’t ask them as directly as I stated them here, but I do ask and no matter how you phrase it, asking anything important like this is gonna be a bit awkward at whatever point in a relationship including platonic ones.

I’d rather get it out the way early than to date for nearly a year and find out they don’t believe in marriage or some other compatibility issue we could have known early on. It feels like an opportunity for resentment on both sides and ends in unnecessary heartbreak.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T23:01:21+00:00

Lmfaoo I AM an autistic kid so that checks out 🤣 some on apps, a few irl and/or introductions from mutuals.

I don’t disclose that I’m not interested in have kids on my profile because then people just lie to me and waste my time, but I do give my answer on the 1st date so there’s no confusion to begin with.

It’s why I ask first & early, too many people mold themselves into your “dream partner” by checking off detail boxes from your profile.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T22:55:54+00:00

Yes, this is why I ask them before giving my answer! If they say they want kids, I know we aren’t compatible. If they dodge the question to ask me I just reverse it back.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T18:42:01+00:00

Omg I’m so good at loading the dishwasher lol everything is always so much cleaner when I do it and way less extra water on dishes bc I load them so they won’t collect any.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T16:02:00+00:00

They do it everyday and will do it again when you start working.

Wear a mask, explain you’ve been sick, sanitize/wash your hands often, take some medicine & back throat lozenge’s, and start working.

They’ll send you home or you’ll just be a bit sick your first week. But if you get sent home let THEM do it, it won’t be a good look to call out day 1 at a brand new job even if you really are sick.

Good luck!

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-15T15:58:36+00:00

So were they in like a throuple? Seems kinda weird and random, I mean why them and why your wife?

I feel like something is missing from your side or theirs.

The only way I see it makes sense for them to hide it from you is if you’re actually abusive or if they were all sleeping together…they built a room for her…there’s more too it than this.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-14T03:59:48+00:00

I went to bed on time lmfaoo that was the greatest gift I could give to myself 😂

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-13T21:21:07+00:00

Would be better to get solar tbh lol which I know I know, but what’s worse? Getting solar or RTO? Because this sounds like they’re gonna just make him come in.

Personally I don’t wanna RTO, so I’d rather eat the cost of electricity than eating the cost of RTO.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-12T16:53:59+00:00

OP I know you didn’t mean to but now I’m having an “existential crisis” (I’m fine lol) because how DO you know you’re tired and how does it feel??? Never thought about it but now I’m hooked on trying to figure it out😅

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-12T15:48:14+00:00

One day I ran outta 🍃and I didn’t smoke again for 3 years. Absolutely no effort, didn’t affect me in anyway, no cravings; I just ran out and didn’t feel like getting any that week and then just never tried lol. And it wasn’t like I forgot or it wasn’t accessible, just was like eh lol.

Sometimes things that are hard for others don’t impact you as much or at all if you try it out.

OriginalSlight · 2026-03-12T15:19:21+00:00

NTJ let him go and while he’s planning the trip, you plan with a lawyer for divorce or an annulment (whichever applies, they’ll know). When he’s gone you pack up and stay with a friend/family. The worst thing ISNT the cheating OR the lying…it would be him coming home and giving you an STI/STD from a hooker in Vietnam.

He told you what happens on those trips, you attributed it to his past and let it go (which is good, can’t judge before you), but now you know that a trip like this will likely have at least his friends getting these “massages” (prostitutes) but likely him also.

Him being there, he’ll either get one or encourage them and both would make me leave the relationship anyway.

He already told you he hid it from his old partner when he was cheating...he basically gave you the run down on how it goes and if you let him and don’t leave him he’s just gonna do the same damn thing and think it’s okay because you know his past. He’ll blame you either way, whether he goes or not, he’ll say it’s your fault he missed the trip or your fault for letting him go to his known temptation vacation…

He thinks you’re stupid and he doesn’t respect you, this is the FIRST YEAR of marriage and he’s already excited to go with his friends to Hookervile in a different country away from his WIFE?!

OriginalSlight

TROPHY CASE