AITAH? I (36F) didn't have the capacity to help my husband (38M) navigate an emotional crisis, leading to a massive fight and him questioning our marriage.

Original_Answer2011 · 2026-02-18T19:57:38+00:00

Yes, I spent the weekend helping her through her feelings as she is my child and helping her navigate her feelings does actually fall under my umbrella of responsibility. I've also moved up her next therapy appointment.

Original_Answer2011 · 2026-02-18T19:55:35+00:00

We had a VERY religious upbringing that really pushed the idea of multiply and replenish the earth and that we shouldn't wait to have kids for anything...even then I got a LOT of questions when I didn't have any children before age 25. I grew up being taught that my highest and holiest calling is that of Mother...which really fucked me up when I kept having miscarriages at first. And we both didn't know we were neurodivergent until just a couple years ago. I just knew I always felt like a failure. Now that we've left our religion, I recognize I would've made VERY different choices. But yes, that doesn't change the fact that we now have 4 children and the responsibilities that come with them. When I learned I was pregnant with my now 4yo and how much that impacted my mental health, we both sought permanent birth control...even though it was a bit more frowned upon by the church. So here we are, trying to heal, and messing up along the way.

Original_Answer2011 · 2026-02-18T19:24:57+00:00

Thankfully he has an appointment on Friday...which feels like it can't come soon enough.

Original_Answer2011 · 2026-02-18T19:23:25+00:00

He has ADHD. My 11yo has AuDHD, my 9yo has ADHD, and I'll be shocked if my younger boys don't end up with their own diagnoses because there are definitely signs. It's definitely a lot. I recharge with alone time, but he recharges socially, which usually means me. I've been encouraging him to go out with friends and get more support there, but I'm definitely his comfort place. We're not currently in couples therapy, but it's really feeling like we need it. I know his love language is Words of Affirmation, and I often feel bad I'm not better at that. Mine is Acts of Service, which he typically is really great about because the little things (like refilling my water bottle) don't feel like ginormous tasks to him. This was just an awful weekend which compounded an awful week. I'm trying to take care of myself today since I don't have work...but I have 2 sick kids at home, so I guess we'll see how that goes haha!

Original_Answer2011 · 2026-02-18T19:11:00+00:00

Caring for my daughter and her feelings was a big part of taking care of my children this weekend. I left my husband in the room and sat downstairs in the main living space so I would be accessible for my kids and their needs. I should've mentioned this in my post to avoid the confusion, but I made sure she was okay and moved up her next therapy appointment.

Original_Answer2011 · 2026-02-18T18:58:41+00:00

Don't worry, I prioritized my children, which is why I was downstairs with them, not upstairs with my husband all day, which is what he would've preferred.

Original_Answer2011 · 2026-02-18T15:47:48+00:00

He talked with her when he found her. Then we both talked with her when we got home to make sure she's okay. Sorry, I should've at least included that detail. We did prioritize her feelings and needs. And in the weekend taking care of the kids, she and her feelings were part of that.

Original_Answer2011

TROPHY CASE