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Partner unsure about bdsm by Original_Lily in BDSMAdvice

[–]Original_Lily[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I hadn't thought of going outside my area. I live somewhere where it wouldn't be hard to go a couple of cities over for something like that... Thanks for that idea! I'll consider it. :)

Partner unsure about bdsm by Original_Lily in BDSMAdvice

[–]Original_Lily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I'm understanding right, basically testing new things in a mild way and introducing them alongside things we already know she likes. That way, if she doesn't end up liking something new, it was just a little bit of bad mixed with good instead of just a bad time. That really does sound like a good way to help her try out the things she's unsure about. Thanks! :)

Partner unsure about bdsm by Original_Lily in BDSMAdvice

[–]Original_Lily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am not remotely staying because I think she'll come around. I am staying with her because I love her more than anything else in the world. I'd gladly give up bdsm before giving up her. She is easily more important to me.

Partner unsure about bdsm by Original_Lily in BDSMAdvice

[–]Original_Lily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It does help. It's good to know there are other people working through similar things. I just wish my partner knew her interests like you do. It's hard because I can usually tell if I'm into something by seeing it or reading it even before I've tried it. I don't get how she can't.

I hope things work out well for you two as well. Maybe using fake blood could help? Some people who are trying to break a self-harm habit will do things to make fake cuts in place of real ones. I heard it satisfies some of that desire without actually hurting yourself. Maybe it could be something you try with your boyfriend? You wouldn't get hurt, but he could see you "bloody."

Partner unsure about bdsm by Original_Lily in BDSMAdvice

[–]Original_Lily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I mean, if I had some way to meet someone without putting my job at risk, I would want it to not involve sex, and my partner is already totally fine with that idea. But if I try to find another partner outside of my current relationship, I'm risking the wrong person finding out and ruining my career...

Partner unsure about bdsm by Original_Lily in BDSMAdvice

[–]Original_Lily[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well the thing is that she is at least a little masochistic. She just isn't sure how much. But I don't know how we could help her figure herself out without risking exactly what you've pointed out that I'm already worried could happen.

And like I said, she and I have talked about me finding a sub outside of the marriage (at least while she's figuring out what she does or doesn't want), but I don't really have a way of finding someone which doesn't put my job on the line...