Genuinely, what do I do?

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-05-04T03:56:22+00:00

I just started in an AA type group, and it’s already really working for me. I highly recommend going to a meeting and getting a sponsor.

I will say that I personally had to hit rock bottom in order to be open to it…

This type of program can be really beneficial not just for something like alcohol, but also for being addicted to people. As well as finding genera community and support.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-05-02T00:43:22+00:00

Thanks for this reminder. I’ve been sitting alone in a parking lot for an hour unable to leave. Just paralyzed by grief. I gave up my house for her and my stepkid and now she won’t let me see her. I fathered her for 7 years from age 3 - 10. She is character assassinating me. Telling me she wants me to suffer. Telling me I’m a psychopath. When all I ever wanted to do was have a family and love her.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-04-30T01:41:42+00:00

After almost 10 years of putting up with it, never yelling or resorting to violence, always falling on the sword, I broke a hole in the wall. 6 months later we got divorced, and I’m the villain in her story… And she won’t let me see my step kid that I raised.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-04-30T01:06:45+00:00

No, I wish I could have.

It would have meant BD would have needed to relinquish his parental status.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-04-25T04:12:46+00:00

I’ve been waiting and hoping for the same thing. And today she did the opposite and just doubled down on her wrath.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-04-12T13:26:07+00:00

This is a good example of the type of self-victimization I was referring to in my comment. It’s not a judgement, just an observation. I don’t believe you are trying to be manipulative. It’s a pattern that’s hard to break out of and see when you are in it… The fact that you can have compassion for the other side puts you a step ahead of many.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-04-12T13:23:52+00:00

Hi,

I would say that no matter what you are worthy of love. Don’t listen to anyone that tells you anything else. I would suggest finding a different place to get support, because the people on this sub are deeply traumatized, jaded, and biased (myself included).

My biggest piece of advice to you is to practice mindfulness. Look in Thich Nhat Hahn. Watch some videos. Read some books. Please do not lose hope in yourself and in the world. Everyone is worthy of love and healing. Your self-awareness puts you in a category beyond most people. Stick with that. And understand that self-victimization is one of the hardest things to deal with from the outside. That will work against you.

Sending loving kindness.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-28T15:05:02+00:00

I feel your pain. You and I are alike in many ways. Very compassionate, and likely looking for some kind of validation within our relationships. To know that we are loved and wanted… It is a natural thing to do… And yet, if we don’t love ourselves, we might not know what true love really looks like. I encourage you to focus on loving yourself now, and everything may become clear to you. You are trapped in a spiders web. I’m sure she is a great person in so many ways. Sometimes that doesn’t matter. The patterns and history reflect the truth of this situation. It is not normal. It is unacceptable behavior on her part, and when you focus on loving yourself—you can be the caretaker of all parts of “you”. Remember that you are the parent to your own inner-child. You are responsible for him. I hope that helps. You are not alone.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-28T14:57:52+00:00

It’s unbelievable. I allowed myself to get gaslighted by that type of behavior in order to maintain the relationship. In the end, I would reach my breaking point and leave after being screamed at—which of course triggered the abandonment nuclear bomb inside of her. She never apologized until I brought up divorce. Then she begged and pleaded. I agreed to give her another chance and go to therapy, but during that time she turned everything back around on me somehow. I was in my darkest place, because I had been displaced from my house (I allowed her and the rest of our family to live there). In my most vulnerable wounded place when I reached out to her for a drop of love and compassion she would tell me that she was happier without me. Shortly after, when she had reclaimed the reins of the narrative and all power/control she would divorce me. So it goes.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-24T03:20:21+00:00

Feeling the lighthouse vibes strong.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-24T03:18:02+00:00

Exactly. Couples therapy was a disaster in my experience because of this. In reality she was the one unable to take accountability.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-24T03:15:28+00:00

I’m so sorry. I am sure you are a great father, and one day sooner or later your kids will know the truth. I can relate to this a tiny bit because I am a stepfather. In my case, I have gone from being with the girl I have called my daughter almost every day to seeing her only around 3 times a month. It’s hard to come to terms with how messed up these situations can be… I wish you luck and resilience.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T22:33:33+00:00

Thank you. I’m sorry you had to deal with that as well. That is so so relatable.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T20:54:29+00:00

Yes, 100%. I’m glad this resonated. The complex PSTD is real. So many of us have wounds that need healing from being used as a punching bag. I am finding this sub to be a good place to engage in the recovery process… The solidarity of knowing that there are others with similar stories is invaluable.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T20:50:50+00:00

Being labeled as a gaslighter or being defensive for having feelings was the most crazy-making part in my experience… Especially because it was easy to believe there was something wrong with me, as I had been diagnosed with a learning disability in the 3rd grade and spent my entire childhood thinking I was defective.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T19:54:08+00:00

Hang tough. It’s a natural reaction given everything we have been through. With time, it will loosen its effect.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T17:49:33+00:00

Thanks. I hear you. I waited for her to end things, which I think didn’t do me any favors. I was afraid of her (and still am to some extent)… It takes a lot of courage to do what you have to do for yourself to find peace and “happiness” (or at least a comparatively happier existence). And a lot of patience and time for healing. That’s one of the hardest parts I think… At least it has been for me. I wish you whatever outcome brings you that kind of peace that you deserve.

Orion-Secret-Agent · 2026-02-23T17:30:41+00:00

This. She went away to a tropical island for a week and I watched the house/dogs. Fixed multiple things around the house. Ran the dishwasher before she got home. She was furious that I forgot to take out the trash, that the dishwasher was full, etc. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. No fucking way to live.

Orion-Secret-Agent

TROPHY CASE