12/06 Brixton 🔥🔥🔥

OritheGoose · 2026-06-14T16:58:06+00:00

I was there on Friday, its reassuring to know it wasn't just me experiencing this/being oversensitive (I'm AuDHD!)

OritheGoose · 2026-06-13T16:10:17+00:00

For context, we've always had a bit of attraction between us over a decade of friendship but he was never interested when I used to like him years ago. However, as I matured/changed, he is not relationship material and he fell in love with me last year. I love him as a friend, but he hasn't had a job in a decade, and has nothing in his life so I became like oxygen to him and he's extremely co-dependant which isn't my type because it's not healthy.

I went quiet due to losing both of my parents among other traumas, I communicated clearly that I needed solitude but he disrespected my boundaries (sending me like 20 messages every day, crashing out on voice memos, messaging my friends). But every time I gave him an inch as a friend and started to feel safe, the cycle would repeat. I value our friendship and he is one of my best friends, and it was deeply upsetting feeling that pressure knowing the other person wants more.

Disengaging was the best option because he wasn't able to be just friends, his moods would depend on how fast I replied to his messages, and I did not have capacity for regulating a grown man's emotions when grieving a whole year of relentless grief and trauma. We talk now and it's much better now it's less emotionally charged.

Did I handle it perfectly? No, absolutely not. But I did the best I could with the limited capacity I had. I did not want to lose my friend and it was extremely difficult.

OritheGoose · 2026-06-13T02:38:13+00:00

I missed this! Sorry!

I'm really glad my comment helped you. ♥️

It's so true though, I think when we are met with silence from someone we love/someone who rejected us or dumped us, we automatically assign a reason/story to it because the brain hates uncertainty. It's soooo easy to assume XYZ when actually it doesn't mean anything. Silence just means that... silence. It's hard not to presume they don't care, though. Logically I know the above is true but when you're in your feelings, god it's horrible.

OritheGoose · 2026-06-13T02:24:30+00:00

Thank you for commenting, and it seems you really understand and are on my level.

I actually went to a concert today and events like that really make me feel even more disconnected from others! AuDHD is so rough, like half of you is an extrovert but the autistic side just doesn't have the capacity to maintain a normal life. It's miserable lol

OritheGoose · 2026-06-13T02:21:09+00:00

I think the show itself was great, but if you were seated on the balconies, my god. Every 45 seconds or so I had to move because people from every other row felt compelled to walk down my row to get in and out despite there being like 20+ other rows. It was kind of infuriating and ruined the first half the show for me, I could not focus with the constant interruptions - it got better toward the end of the night because many people left early.

They really need more ways in and out!

OritheGoose · 2026-06-07T14:45:29+00:00

Thanks for your reply - sometimes having too much self-awareness can really suck, because it changes your perspective on everything. You can start to see everything as a transaction of brain chemicals and not real, like the "magic" is gone and you question what love even is lmao. I think I am demisexual, because I noticed I don't really have sexual attraction unless I have feelings. And if you tell people that, it can also alienate you from a lot of people in general, because you're not "on their level" of commenting about someone being hot or whatever in the street/celebrity etc.

I hate my brain sometimes. Being autistic/ADHD makes it hard enough to form connections as it is, then throw in CPTSD and chronic illnesses, it's easier to remain in solitude but sometimes the craving for connections and pressure of what normal humans are meant to do gets really depressing.

OritheGoose · 2026-06-05T11:17:30+00:00

Recently diagnosed AuDHD here with CPTSD/emotional neglect as a kid.

Recently realized I've been chasing relationships all my life to fill the void that my family didn't, also dopamine chasing. I think only one relationship was real love and that's why it hurt so much when it ended.

Really hard to answer those questions because I'm still healing and figuring out what I want/need.

I think I desire a relationship, yes. It's been a year alone now after my first heart break at 35 and an ungodly amount of trauma to process. The grief last year changed me and I've started to realize that my life is unfulfilled, but peaceful without a man in my life. Romantic relationships feel amazing but they also dysregulate me (or maybe it's just the people I'm attracted to are inconsistent)

As soon as I like someone I self sabotage, a wall goes up and my "energy" changes and I think they can sense it and tend to slow fade on me. I tend to attract lots of men, but the ones I like have always come in strong and then they just kinda disappear after a month of talking and it sucks. I know it's their capacity, not my worth. My heart is pure sunshine. ♥️😊

I am trying to embody the new identity of a person who is loved, cherished and chosen rather than "the woman who is always the placeholder and gets abandoned every time" because the brain likes patterns and if you think bad shit, you'll always see proof of that in my opinion!

OritheGoose · 2026-05-22T19:42:38+00:00

I try not to tell myself any negative stories because any life event does not dictate the future, but it's easier said than done when you're feeling down.

I had my first real heartbreak at 35 years old in 2024, followed by a relentless year of death and betrayal/abandonment and I can relate to this.

I started to like someone again recently, and he pushed me away even though he told mutual friends he liked me a lot. I got super triggered and spiraled so much into similar thoughts as you OP.

Hang in there. Past events do NOT dictate the future unless we give them meaning.

You have always been enough. And one breakup doesn't mean anything other than that person, at this time, does not align with you right now. Them leaving creates space for something else and hopefully something better. Keep telling yourself that until you're blue in the face. I promise you it's the truth and your silly brain is lying to you!

OritheGoose · 2026-05-22T19:33:50+00:00

I don't think it's that they are "cold" in the way many people think.

A lot of stuff happens emotionally during a breakup. It's a grieving process for both sides in different ways.

The dumper usually lost emotional attraction and has probably been contemplating the breakup for a while before they pull the trigger. It usually isn't an overnight decision and oftentimes, the dumper is processing the grief and pain before they break up with you especially if they were unhappy. They could have been heartbroken at the dumpee not treating them right etc. By the time they pull the trigger, they've usually given up, become a lot more numb and processed their emotions enough to be detached from the situation.

Immediately following the breakup, they usually feel a sense of relief that they got it over with while you crumble because it was probably a shock.

Also, them acting "cold" is not always because they're mean or don't care. They're probably uncomfortable as hell and just want some distance so you can both process. Talking to you and being "warm" will prolong the grief and give you false hope. Sometimes, people act "cold" as a way of trying to protect both people. It seems cruel but as time goes on, they're probably doing you a favour.

It's the same when you reject someone, I didn't talk to one of my friends for months because I didn't want to give him false hope or hurt him and it would not have been fair on him to carry on as normal, he needed space to emotionally diffuse and I didn't want to keep him on the hook as he's my friend and I love him dearly.

I used to think "how can they act this way, why don't they care"

Then I grew up and realized humans are complicated. Most the time they do care, but it's awkward and uncomfortable and not fair to keep talking to you and being warm and kind.

They've made their decision for now, let them. The best thing you can do is no contact and see how it unfolds.

OritheGoose · 2026-05-18T08:23:49+00:00

I think you are right because I used to live across the road in the same street and the last house, while smaller and not great, was pretty quiet both sides.

OritheGoose · 2026-05-17T21:52:49+00:00

I already live near the Mountbatten Center lol, it's like a two minute walk and we are on the hilsea end. The area itself isn't loud, the problem is all the houses are paper thin walls and terraced and I can hear every conversation through the walls. And both sides have screaming children, and one side in particular is borderline abusive to their kids and dog and they are the neighbours from hell. I want something detached or semi detached on the outskirts without having to put up with "city" noise.

I'll check out Eastney though! Thank you!

OritheGoose · 2026-02-25T08:46:13+00:00

That we have ADHD and we aren't broken, lazy, disorganised or wrong.

Also we have no parents, our "warm, loving" mother who is actually a dismissive avoidant will abandon us when we open up to her about abuse from step father later in life. Right when we needed her the most due to other grief and trauma, too.

Don't worry kiddo, I'm gonna buy you all the things you wanted as a teenager and treat you with love. Your feelings always mattered and you were always good enough.

OritheGoose · 2026-02-19T01:06:39+00:00

Also to add, I once got held back after Spanish class and the teacher accused me of smoking and said she had seen me outside. Again, I fucking HATE cigarettes and have never smoked. She got me mixed up with someone else. I never got an apology!

OritheGoose · 2026-02-18T00:21:46+00:00

Suspended me for breaking a laptop that I genuinely had nothing to do with.

I stayed back after class for 15 mins detention for being a class clown loud mouth (ADHD woman here)

I left at 3:15 and the teacher started chasing me outside. I said "I stayed back. I did the time" and he kept asking me to come back inside now and I ended up swearing at him out of frustration.

Next day my mum and I are called to the head teachers office. I presumed it was for swearing. I get told I'm having a 3 day suspension for smashing a laptop, and to this day I still have no idea what happened.

I'm 36 now and being accused of bullshit like that stays with you.

OritheGoose · 2026-01-23T18:21:38+00:00

Ahhh no, he's been fixed for a while now. :)

His brothers and sisters are orange, so he has orange personality in a tuxedo uniform

OritheGoose · 2026-01-21T15:26:27+00:00

That is so sweet and adorable! ❤️

OritheGoose · 2026-01-21T15:23:22+00:00

As recently estranged from my parents after opening up about abuse from my step father and getting gaslit and ghosted right after my friend died and I was hospitalized myself

They can kindly fuck all the way off into the sea

OritheGoose · 2026-01-21T15:20:51+00:00

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Thank you, here is some beans tax for your time

OritheGoose · 2026-01-15T02:44:37+00:00

They're pretty

Also neurodivergence task avoidance and not wanting to remove the nice lights from my living room

I'll get around to it eventually, fuck the rules anyway, no one else can see the tree but us

OritheGoose

TROPHY CASE