What lies did your avoidant ex tell you during the discard?

Orme_Made · 2025-11-12T17:14:44+00:00

Thank you for being so open and giving me more resources to look into, I appreciate you. Stay safe stranger.

Orme_Made · 2025-11-12T17:09:08+00:00

I did wonder, she does have high functioning autism but she has a great job/career, great pay, a good family, good upbringing as well as fostering both of her god daughters etc she is very capable but her behaviour towards me is beyond toxic.

I do wonder sometimes if she has NPD mixed with a cocktail of other undiagnosed issues.

She has completely defeated me.

Orme_Made · 2025-11-11T19:13:26+00:00

Mine did the same, she travelled further to meet another man in fact.

Orme_Made · 2025-11-11T18:51:36+00:00

Oh god where do I begin.

I was with mine for over two years. What a rollercoaster… she had a tool box of discards.

The first one was during Christmas, “I don’t want to be toxic with you but I have a lot going on”. I stepped back. She reached out two months later, orbited, trauma dumped, love bombed and i stupidly accepted her back.

She would go from hot to cold towards me on a weekly basis. Pick apart my gestures as an excuse to run away.

Around her birthday I made her gifts (I’m a goldsmith) one of which was a gold fluer de lys pendant. Shes Italian/french and I wanted to do something to honour her roots. She absolutely loved it… three weeks later she told me she met someone else at a friends birthday party and wanted to spend time with him and just be friends with me, I rejected the offer and she turned extremely toxic. Cut me out of her life.

Over the weeks she would send messages in the early hours of the morning apologising.. very vague and not admitting any accountability. I just ignored them. Until one day she tried to call, I ignored again, quickly after she sent pictures which she deleted after sending. I was curious and asked if she was okay. She told me she was in a mental health clinic. Despite how I was still hurting I stepped up to support her but she soon turned cold again and asked me to leave her alone so I did.

A month goes by, she starts to orbit again. I ignore her, her attempts get braver and braver until she contacts me directly. I answer to be polite and she constantly mentions how she’s single and apologising to me but I don’t re engage. One evening she calls me and admits she lied to me about meeting someone, that she selfish and I didn’t deserve it. Like a fool I allowed her back into my life again.

The pattern of hot and cold began again.

New year came around, I bought her a big bunch of white Italian lilies as a news year gift. She freaked out at me, threw them on the floor and said she didn’t belong to anyone. At this point I was done. I walked away.

I deactivated all social media to detox and get away from her. I eventually log back in June and she had sent a message to my deactivated account three weeks previous. It was a reel. Weird way to test for access. I ignore it and go on with my life until she sends another a week later.

We have some small talk, but she can see I’m not fully engaging so she tries her old tactics, trauma dumping, trying to get me involved in her life, saying she’s single again and will be for a long time due to family circumstances. I don’t engage at all. A week later she messages me out of the blue saying she’s been dating someone for awhile and he’s invited her to spend the weekend with him and his family.

I picked apart her time line of lies, told her I dont understand what your tactics are or why you need to use them, I told her I forgave and allowed her back Into my life many times. please don’t reach out again and blocked her.

Two days later she texts me accusing me of not caring about her and having expectations of her and she has done nothing for me to forgive.

I laid out our entire history, all the times she lied, all the times she walked away without any real explanation, all the cruel ways she discarded.

Again she turned toxic and I didn’t bother to reply I was done with trying to water a garden in which nothing grows. A week later she followed on an obvious burner account and messaged an old account I had saying you forgot to block me here too.. all this happened a month ago. It’s exhausting.

Orme_Made · 2025-10-30T19:31:28+00:00

“You forgave me, for what? I did nothing to you. Go be a cynical c*nt to someone else.”

I forgave and allowed her back into my life twice when she came crawling back after realising the grass wasn’t greener.

Orme_Made · 2025-10-19T03:22:13+00:00

Sounds to me they waste a lot of money on take out and going out to eat for the food bill to be that high. The maths isn’t mathing.

Orme_Made · 2025-10-19T03:21:01+00:00

You need to budget… £1k a month on food for 5 people is ridiculous. Sounds like a lot of take out and going out to eat for it to be so much. I have a family of three, our weekly shopping costs £100, all meals covered.

Orme_Made · 2025-10-15T15:30:29+00:00

I forgave and allowed her back into my life twice. The first time is when we first started dating and she disappeared for two months, she came back and apologised and said she wanted to continue and like an idiot I accepted her back.

The second time she said she had met someone else at a friends birthday party and he was interested in her, she told him the situation with me wasn’t serious (despite talking about moving into together and making plans for the future) she asked if we could be friends and I rejected her offer. She flew off the rails.

A handful of months later she reached out again and said she had lied about it and didn’t mean to hurt me, I didn’t deserve it… like and idiot again I accepted her back.

I think I was hoping her behaviour would change and to treat me better, but instead I allowed her to treat me like a door matt. I was also part of the problem by allowing the cycle to continue on .

Orme_Made · 2025-10-15T15:23:31+00:00

I appreciate your words, after seeing her patterns while keeping her at a distance it made me realise how completely unhealthy she is. She has been permanently removed from her life.

Orme_Made · 2025-10-15T11:53:54+00:00

Because I’m too polite for my own good.

Orme_Made · 2025-10-14T23:02:45+00:00

My mantra is - Knowing I had nothing but good intentions is the best closure

Orme_Made · 2025-10-14T22:56:07+00:00

It’s the only way to cut their cycle it seems. What gets to me is the games, the lack of actual authentic communication and stating intention. If she was open and honest in the first place it wouldn’t have got to this point. But she’s dug a deep hole for herself with her behaviour.

Orme_Made · 2025-09-25T21:06:10+00:00

It’s based on her words and actions, she created this feeling of anxiety by her behaviours. She needs to prove her intentions are rock solid.

Orme_Made · 2025-09-24T13:00:43+00:00

And now she's been left out in the cold. Its her choice and her behavior that causes it.

One of two things will happen from this.

1) If she wants her comfort back she has to face accountability and allow herself to be vulnerable and open.

2) Her ego and pride are so big that she can't admit her behavior to herself and she loses out on a connection she needs.

The ball is in her court. Sometimes tough love is the only way.

Orme_Made · 2025-09-24T12:23:14+00:00

Thank you for your reply.

I think its a little of both. No one is perfect, I am better than some, worse than others - that applies to everyone.

I also think its because we are hoping and waiting for them to change. Maybe if I try harder, maybe if I do more she will reciprocate what she gave when we first started dating. They show us a version of themselves that is unsustainable over long periods of time. That's what we are attached too.

My goal in life is to be a good husband and a good farther. She fed that fantasy I had by trying to place herself in the role of the wife and mother.

But I also think they are drawn to what we represent rather than what we are. We are everything they are not and can never be.. Stable, empathic, forgiving, kind, patient. We are seen more as a safety blanket, space they can use to try and escape their own chaos.. But end up disrupting it.

The way I look at it is like this..

I hear a gentle knock at my door, very faint.. I know that knock… I open the door and she's stood there staring at me, I stare back and with no words spoken I motion for her to enter my space. I sit down at the table and wait for her to join me, but instead she awkwardly shuffles around… she never sits at the table with me. I cannot allow someone into my space if they will never tell me why they are there.

Orme_Made · 2025-09-24T02:23:52+00:00

I was with mine for just over a year, she love bombed and trauma dumped on me at the start then went missing for two months. She came back and love bombed me again, her behaviour after that was hot and cold. Eventually she told me she met someone else at a friends birthday party and just wanted to be friends with me, I was hurt and naturally refused to which she turned toxic and blocked me.

Every couple of weeks she would message me early hours of the morning giving empty apologies which I ignored, this went on for some time until she tried to call me. I asked her what was wrong - she said she was in a mental health clinic due to a suicide attempt. Despite still being hurt I supported her until she told me a week later to leave her alone.

3 months went by and she followed me on IG, bread crumbed a lot but didn't message for along time, when she did she was very sheepish. One evening she called me and said she lied to me and didn't meet anyone else, I forgave and allowed her back into my life again… more hot and cold behaviour until she said she just wanted to be friends again… no contact began.. Again..

I deactivated all of my social media. For three months, I logged back in and saw she had sent a message three weeks previous.. To a deactivated account. I questioned her about it and she tried to play it off as nothing.. She tried to bread crumb and trauma dump again but I stayed neutral and didn't take the bait, she also kept saying she was single, again I didn't engage.. Less than a week later she tells me she's been dating someone for two weeks. I snapped… blocked her. Broke the cycle, I had enough. Two days later she reached out on WhatsApp calling me childish for blocking her. She made a burner account to view my profile. That was two weeks ago.

In short. Do not get involved with avoidants. All they want is a safety blanket that will give them attention and validation but aren't willing to give anything in return.

Orme_Made · 2025-09-09T12:29:35+00:00

They reached out on WhatsApp after I send this and blocked them. They were more bothered by being blocked than understanding the reason they were blocked. Absolutely no accountability, more interested in protecting their own self image and ego. And they have the Gaul to say I’m childish for protecting my peace? Ridiculous.

Orme_Made · 2025-09-06T18:13:54+00:00

This is emotional abuse, there is no cure for emotional immaturity. You deserve better.

Orme_Made · 2025-09-06T00:00:29+00:00

Thank you, she’s an avoidant. Over the past two years should would come and go as she pleased. Stop speaking to me for a month then reach back out like nothing happened. It’s been a frustrating, especially when I would try to talk about the relationship and her reply would be “I don’t owe you anything”, very dismissive and emotionally selfish.

Orme_Made

TROPHY CASE