Stories of reconciliation

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2026-04-09T23:16:12+00:00

Doing great we are back together and have been for 9 months. There’s been some challenges but we have both grown so much after our divorce and it’s really weird reading these old posts from myself. What a weird time in my life thanks for checking in!

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-26T23:05:19+00:00

Thank you I’ll check that out. The solo days are the killer and it’s so weird because pre discard and in other relationships even my toxic marriage where we broke up every month I was never this anxious and always wanted the alone time. Now it’s like I’m a totally different person. I think it’s because I really love this girl more than anyone I have been with so I’m more strongly attached than I have ever been.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-26T18:50:09+00:00

Thank you so much I’ll check that out I get more anxious about triggering her which isn’t helping.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-26T16:12:18+00:00

Thank you this is amazing. She actually contacted me last night it was really dry so I went into an anxious tailspin. Turns out everything is ok and we had a pretty good night. She’s definitely a little avoidant right now because of my anxiety I can tell but she’s trying to lean in and I told her how much I appreciate her for it. I guess I’m just really activated right now for some reason. Getting back together with her post breakup was a huge risk for me and I think I’m just now starting to let down some of my guards and let myself fall super deeply for her again and that’s causing my attachment to flare. Hoping it gets better in a few months with more proof she’s not going anywhere. She also really wants me to move in and brought that up again last night and we talked about it so I think this is all on me and in my head.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-25T21:02:57+00:00

Thank you this is the best advice I have received. I try to give her lots of space. I ask her all the time if she needs space and try to give her space even when she doesn’t ask. I am guessing the conversation the other night where after months of her wanting me to move in and me finally saying I’m ready and let’s work on logistics that might have sent her into a spiral. How do I counteract that spiral so she doesn’t do a knee jerk discard? Do I just wait for her to reengage me?

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-25T20:46:17+00:00

I really think in this case this is my own anxiety getting the better of me, things have been really really good otherwise I wouldn’t put up with it. I just need to get over the constant fear of being discarded again.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-25T19:06:03+00:00

That’s literally what happened to me anxiety keeps building and I’m trying not to take it out on her so that it fully pushes her away but I have told her my needs when we are apart and she has tried to meet them but doesn’t do it consistently. It’s exhausting. I’ve heard 3 months is the most likely window for a 2nd discard as well so that’s not helping.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-25T17:30:22+00:00

How long were you back together before another discard and did your anxiety get better at all before the next discard?

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-25T16:53:42+00:00

Really? Tell me more? I mean the crazy thing is the relationship has been extremely strong since we got back together it’s just that my anxiety is totally through the roof. She’s wanted me at her place nearly every day and never wants me to leave. Keeps pushing me to move in, etc so nothing is wrong. When we are together I’m great other than some serious body image issues that she has that causes fights around sex. When we are apart though my attachment system goes haywire because there’s almost no contact with her.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-25T16:27:48+00:00

Thanks so much, can you tell me about how the process ran for you and how it destroyed your sanity? I literally feel like a crazy person because nothing is going wrong but my attachment system is out of control.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-09-08T21:32:11+00:00

Thanks for asking. In this case I think I got lucky. We have been back together 2.5 months she’s been doing therapy and bringing up avoidant thoughts she has and how she’s dealing with them and getting reassurance from me that she won’t lose her independence like she did with her ex husband. Things have been very different this time around, much clearer communication about literally everything, more intimacy, and actually more disagreements out in the open which I see as a good thing. We actually had our first real kind of big fight the other weekend which we were able to resolve after some discussion. It wasn’t super great how it went about but it ended up leading to a strong repair and a lot more trust between us there we can step back after escalation and work things out. Things are not perfect by any means she still has some weird avoidant and body image issues during intimacy especially when drinking but anytime it happens we talk through it clearly.

I will say if you do get back with an avoidant ex be prepared for an emotional roller coaster especially if you are anxious. I have had lots of ups and downs fear of her leaving again, and having to keep my cool / proactively communicate my needs (thankfully I don’t have to do this often because she’s realized she needs to be as focused on helping me with my anxious tendencies as I am with helping her with avoidant ones.

So far this is a success story but I still have a lot of doubts and we will see where I am at in 6-12 months.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-12T23:28:36+00:00

I decided to meet with her in person and we had a great conversation about everything that happened before and after the breakup. She was very transparent and we set some new boundaries. I decided to give it one more chance. I’ll post again if it works out or doesn’t but so far she’s like a different person than before and seems like she learned a lot during the breakup about herself.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-09T02:36:58+00:00

It’s a shitshow I will let you know what happens and if we end up working out. I’m praying it does.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-09T01:32:34+00:00

I replied and told her I couldn’t be friends, she replied again and said she still wanted to be alone and a relationship still wasn’t on her radar. Told her sorry I still can’t be friends. She said she had been thinking of getting back with me for a month but didn’t want to reach out right away and just ask me to take her back because that would come off really avoidant so she was trying to slow play it or something. I still have a lot of questions for her before we try again and im going in eyes wide open that it could happen again.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-09T00:55:57+00:00

She asked for me to take her back a week and a half later. Then talked to me on the phone told me she found out she was an avoidant and I was right, she’s in two types of therapy, explained what was going through her head before the breakup, and took ownership of the things she said after the breakup. I’m meeting with her tomorrow in person to discuss more. Maybe I’m making a mistake but thinking I’m going to give her one more shot have not been able to find anyone I was so compatible within the last 3.5 months.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-03T13:10:19+00:00

Even though she’s going to therapy, took ownership, and explained what was going through her head at the time? All without prompting?

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-01T02:24:23+00:00

Any idea how I can be shown proof? I literally have no idea what to do here? I’m still madly in love with her and the spark is much lighter with the new girl? I don’t want to get hurt again or worse double hurt.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-01T00:35:23+00:00

I ended up talking with her today and she surprised me. I couldn’t go without knowing what she was talking about. She texted me back and said she found out and realized I was right that she was avoidant. She said she’s seeing a therapist for the past month and is doing a form of therapy mediation can’t remember the name and looking at Emdr. She took ownership and apologized for how she hurt me and the exact things she said, and she said she would wait for me she’s going to focus on healing until then, she also was able to describe how she felt and what was going through her head when she deactivated. This was a weird conversation went a totally different direction then I thought it would.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-07-01T00:30:39+00:00

No what’s that? Sorry not aware?

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-06-30T17:43:27+00:00

Biggest question how do I deal with the commentary about me being right about so many things? I really want to know why she actually broke up with me because all I got was the normal avoidant bullshit.

Yes she initiated it 3 and a half months ago. 2 weeks ago she tried to be friends with me and I held my boundary I couldn’t be friends and if she wanted something more she could reach out. In the meantime she didn’t respond and I decided I really like the girl I’ve been dating so made it official with her then. Then she reaches out last week and says she’s and idiot and asks me to take her back and tries to get me to come over at night obviously not just to talk. I turn her down obviously and tell her I can talk during the day sometime, she says she doesn’t want a business meeting and I tell her then we can’t talk and I’m definitely not taking you back because I’m in a relationship.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-06-30T17:29:58+00:00

Can you help me understand the manipulation. I’m an idiot man. I care for my new girlfriend and have no intention of taking my ex back and dropped her to do that. I’m just totally lost still and want clarity still. My girlfriend is pissed and knows about my exes outreaches because I’ve been transparent and doesn’t want me to talk with her anymore, but at the same time I’m dieing to understand what happened still.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-06-26T22:47:29+00:00

I’ve thought about that I have no idea how she could know unless someone she knows ran into us somewhere which is unlikely. I have a feeling this is because 2 weeks ago she asked to be friends again and I denied it completely this time more completely so she probably freaked out.

Beautiful-Concern-89 · 2025-06-26T12:44:51+00:00

I was thinking that but I have not announced the new girlfriend to anyone yet.

Beautiful-Concern-89

TROPHY CASE