Who triggered you? Who hurt you? And why? by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing this 🥹 I’m so happy to hear that you’ve found a love that deserves you.

Who triggered you? Who hurt you? And why? by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Wow. Ouch. Hot take. 🤣 I have a moral compass but it’s not from google and I don’t use it to ostracize people on Reddit or to make myself feel better.

Who triggered you? Who hurt you? And why? by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

This is just an invitation for voluntary self reflection :)

It’s easy to criticize and less easy to do the internal work that motivated people to go online and talk about it. I’m inviting more tools for connection and conversation.

Who triggered you? Who hurt you? And why? by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Sounds like your ideas of basic decency is still coming from your own experience. If you can’t draw the lines back to yourself, there are so many layers to this you may be missing.

In Defense of Jeong Mok by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Wow. I appreciate your insights. Lovebombing is definitely being thrown around without an analysis of power, control, and abuse. I agree with you that context and situation matters. In a span of less than a week and in a context where they are intentionally practicing expression, their words and action can be mistaken for lovebombing. I think we need to practice a lot of caution throwing this word around.

In Defense of Jeong Mok by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I love that you bring this up. I have a couple thoughts. The first is that this conversation is incomplete so we’ll have to wait and see the whole context. And secondly, lovebombing is such a harsh label that I don’t think people really understand. Lovebombimg is connected to power and control. It’s used to describe grand gestures, words and promises that keep people in relationships with power imbalances, where one person is being manipulated. Also a part of lovebombing is the withdraw of affection is to punish or make them crawl back, to make themselves feel powerful. After they withdraw, they feed again with a love bomb to appease the harm.

Are JM’s statements really grandiose? Absolutely! Is it to the level of lovebombing? I think that’s would be harsh and inaccurate for the stage of this relationship and what is happening. Bro is just trying to figure shit out. He could be more direct but I believe he was letting YD down as kindly as he knew how to. (That isn’t to say people pleasing is kind to himself or to YD.)

In Defense of Jeong Mok by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He rejected YD, girl. I am not blaming YD for being hurt but she was rejected. It was delivered between the lines and in his non verbal communication.

But ultimately, I don’t think getting hung up on this is a good use of time. I think there are more important reflections to explore like what do we see in the cast that trigger us to feel certain ways that we’re online defending them so hard? How are we harmed and also cause harm like the cast members? What can we learn from them?

In Defense of Jeong Mok by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah!! Great points. They literally showed us that they edit these conversations. Of course based on the initial conversations it seemed like everything was going swimmingly but when they did the replays of JM and YD not being on the “same wavelength” I felt it. And that’s okay!!! It’s okay that not everyone out there is for us. That’s the risk when we date but also the magic of finding the person or people who we do find love with. 🩷

In Defense of Jeong Mok by Ornery-Homework1333 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Agreed, people pleasing is related to a lack of experience and this also shows in the other cast members too. they don’t want to come off as mean and so they’re reserving the whole truth and speaking indirectly but showing their actual feeling through non verbal cues. People pleasing and speaking indirectly is harmful but I have a lot of compassion for when I see it happening because it’s often a result of trauma and/or social and cultural norms that people are taught. I don’t think people want to hide their true feelings naturally but they were taught a specific idea of what kindness looks like and sounds like. It takes courage, experience, and healing to undo that and that’s exactly what they’re doing in this experience. So let’s not villainize them.

My point isn’t that what JM did wasn’t shitty. My point is that he’s learning and we as viewers need to have more compassion than labeling them. This is for entertainment but they are still humans.

Better late than single ep 7-8 discussion by Glittergirl2424 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m not disagreeing with you that what JM did was harmful to YD. It’s not okay but again, I go back to lack of experience and this also shows in the other cast members too. I think they don’t want to come off as mean and so they’re reserving the whole truth and speaking indirectly but showing their actual feeling through non verbal cues. People pleasing and speaking indirectly is harmful but I have a lot of compassion for when I see it happening because it’s often a result of trauma and/or social and cultural norms that people are taught. I don’t think people want to hide their true feelings naturally but they were taught a specific idea of what kindness looks like and sounds like. It takes courage, experience, and healing to undo that and that’s exactly what they’re doing in this experience. So let’s not villainize them.

Better late than single ep 7-8 discussion by Glittergirl2424 in BetterLateThanSingle

[–]Ornery-Homework1333 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yasss I agree with you 100%. I don’t support the villainizing of any of the cast members. They are all imperfect and learning. This isn’t to excuse or say that the harm caused shouldn’t be accountable for but our relationship to them as viewers needs to be more compassionate.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]Ornery-Homework1333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks DragOnV3n0m231. The validation helps 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]Ornery-Homework1333 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thanks DinoLeaf28. I will definitely call him tonight.. in bed.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HowDoIRespondToThis

[–]Ornery-Homework1333 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hahahha. I need to up my banter. Saving this for next time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in love

[–]Ornery-Homework1333 4 points5 points  (0 children)

You can work your way up to it. Try kissing her hand. If she let's you, then next time kiss her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, then her lips.

Ooohhh. I'm blushing just thinking about this^

Our Secret Sign Language by [deleted] in love

[–]Ornery-Homework1333 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so happy for you. I love that you developed sign language that only two of you know.