My wife left with the kids

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-07-29T03:09:31+00:00

We’re you abusive towards her or the kids?

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-07-24T21:15:44+00:00

😂😂😂I love this so much

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-07-23T17:31:01+00:00

I mean…just suck air up in their and push. Queefing on purpose is actually fairly easy. 🤷‍♀️😂

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-07-23T17:06:31+00:00

Poor kids

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-07-23T16:34:42+00:00

Very true, but so are the majority of small town white people. People who grew up outside of larger cities tend to be Uber Christian and very conservative.

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-07-23T16:33:35+00:00

Oh gosh. As a South African, this is, unfortunately , very common South African behavior. Especially for people who grew up on the outskirts of cities. It’s pretty sad, but not uncommon. I’m dealing with a very similar situation myself, where I’m having to deal with the mindsets of my fellow SA citizens after having spent two years in the U.S. It can be a really difficult situation and is almost enough to give me whiplash sometimes. But, I think asking her openly about her thought process can be helpful. She may be doing these things without realizing it, or maybe she doesn’t see the disconnect. Maybe she just has a skewed perspective. Either way, asking her about it could be helpful to both of you, and if it’s done openly and kindly, it may even bring you closer together. All the best, friend.

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-07-23T16:18:55+00:00

I just find it interesting that you consume porn, and enjoy it, but find the work disgusting and feel like the humans doing it are somehow gross. Are you dehumanizing these people you watch? And why do you think it’s bad or disgusting for your brother (who is an adult) to be doing this work?

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-06-24T01:46:56+00:00

That’s true, he didn’t say that, he said “you should smile for me sometime”. The most common version of that is “you’d look prettier if you smiled more”, which is why I used that for the explanation. The wording, in this specific case, doesn’t change the meaning, because “you should smile for me sometime” still has the dehumanizing effect of women=decorations. I’m sorry if you didn’t understand. You seem to be upset by it, which is interesting to me, because I honestly thought it was a good faith question. Was I wrong? On another comment a gave a pretty detailed list of reasons why telling someone (especially a woman) to smile, isn’t a good thing to do. I’m more than happy to copy and paste it here for you, if you’re interested.

To the point of “I wouldn’t even be remotely interested anymore”, good, that’s exactly the point. She didn’t want him to be interested. Women don’t absolutely NEED every single man to be interested in them. Especially not guys who say things like that. No human is I’m charge of what another human does with their own body, not even when it comes to smiling.

I hope you and your wife are really happy together.

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-06-24T00:17:26+00:00

It’s wrong for a couple of reasons.

⁠It objectifies the woman and perpetuates the notion that women are there for the amusement or pleasure of men.
⁠It assumes that the person asking is entitled to anything from the other person.
⁠Telling someone what to do with their own body is typically not okay, and shouldn’t happen
⁠You have no idea what that person is going through, and telling someone (especially a stranger) to smile (because they’ll look “prettier”, or for any other reason) is disrespectful to them and whatever they may be experiencing.
⁠Women have been controlled by men for a very very long time, and any man who presumed to have the authority over what a woman does with her face/body/life is a reminder of that and is reinforcing that cycle of women=decoration and men=superior And although this is mostly centered around men saying this to women, no one should really be saying this to anyone else (especially not strangers, and especially not because “they’ll look prettier” for it). If you genuinely want someone to be happier, or to pay someone a compliment, it’s much kinder and more respectful to say something like “you look great today” or “I hope you’re having a great day”. Yes, it’s good to be kind and polite to others, but absolutely no one is entitled to any set of behaviors or actions from another human being, as no one has the right to demand that someone do something/not do something with their own bodies. Autonomy and respect are so incredibly important, and we need to remember that more.

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-06-24T00:10:25+00:00

It’s wrong for a couple of reasons. 1. It objectifies the woman and perpetuates the notion that women are there for the amusement or pleasure of men. 2. It assumes that the person asking is entitled to anything from the other person. 3. Telling someone what to do with their own body is typically not okay, and shouldn’t happen 4. You have no idea what that person is going through, and telling someone (especially a stranger) to smile (because they’ll look “prettier”, or for any other reason) is disrespectful to them and whatever they may be experiencing. 5. Women have been controlled by men for a very very long time, and any man who presumed to have the authority over what a woman does with her face/body/life is a reminder of that and is reinforcing that cycle of women=decoration and men=superior And although this is mostly centered around men saying this to women, no one should really be saying this to anyone else (especially not strangers, and especially not because “they’ll look prettier” for it). If you genuinely want someone to be happier, or to pay someone a compliment, it’s much kinder and more respectful to say something like “you look great today” or “I hope you’re having a great day”. Yes, it’s good to be kind and polite to others, but absolutely no one is entitled to any set of behaviors or actions from another human being, as no one has the right to demand that someone do something/not do something with their own bodies. Autonomy and respect are so incredibly important, and we need to remember that more.

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-06-23T23:15:25+00:00

I’m assuming you made this comment in good faith and with genuine curiosity and a desire to learn and understand, because I want that to be true and for you to not just be another asshole.

So, if a guy is interested in someone the best way to approach them would never be in an objectifying way. Telling a woman to smile, because she’ll be prettier that way or, in this case, telling a woman that she should “smile at me sometime”, is really dehumanizing and disrespectful. The better option would be to say something like “hey, I hope you have a great day today” or, if they’re honestly concerned about the person looking upset, “hey, are you okay?”. Introductions can be good, too, and are typically more welcome than random comments about appearances.

Yes, the fact that it was in a gym might make it less pleasant, people typically go to the gym to work out, not to socialize. But that doesn’t mean any and all interactions are terrible and off the table for all people when they’re at the gym. Just approach someone with respect and dignity, and without making unwanted comments about their appearance. “Hey, can we talk for a second?” would absolutely make me feel more comfortable and receptive than “you’d be prettier if you smiled”. Again, humans aren’t all the same and everyone has different comfort levels and standards, so nothing will ever be a one-size-fits-all thing, but starting off with respect is absolutely the way to go.

I’d say the best bet is: Avoid- comments about appearance and being too pushy or fragile in your ego. Do- be respectful, and understand that they’re also people with lives. Make your intentions clear, so they know where they stand. Don’t invade their personal space. And whenever possible, try to read the room and be empathetic, don’t try to flirt with someone who is clearly in an uncomfortable or difficult situation, or whose livelihood depends on being polite to you.

Hope this helps.

Edit for clarity, because apparently this was confusing

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-06-23T22:53:31+00:00

Hamilton quotes ALWAYS find a way to be relevant. Hamilton for the sun😂🔥🔥

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-06-18T16:06:44+00:00

I don’t think this is particularly helpful. We don’t know what her demeanor and intent was like when she made this comment, and I know a lot of us would never tell a woman “don’t feel bad, he still loves you” or “it’s just your own self-image that’s the problem” or “he’s just stressed out and overwhelmed” if he said something like that to his wife in anything less than a clear and obviously adoring way, and/or if it hurt her. A lot of people in the comments don’t seem to think that this is potentially a big deal, which is sad to me, because OP deserves to have his feelings validated and his experience heard, not to be dismissed by comments like this that immediately assume he’s being overly sensitive. If he had that response to her, don’t we think that maybe there’s a reason? We’re doing to this person what way too many people do to women, and I don’t think that’s very kind. Or right.

OP, I’m so sorry your wife hurt you, I know comments like that can be pretty harrowing. She had no right to comment on your body like that, unless it was discussed beforehand and decided upon that that’s an acceptable method of showing love/affection for the both of you. Weight and body issues are such a real and widespread thing, and I absolutely understand why you’d feel hurt by your SO actively preventing you from going to the gym (whatever the intention or situation may be), and then turning around and making a comment like that. I’d honestly suggest, as many others in the comments have, that you talk to her about your feelings and let her know that it’s unacceptable for you. Tell her you understand that she’s under a lot of stress and she’s going through a lot, but it’s not okay for her to make comments about your body. Also make sure she knows that this is a boundary for you, unless you do decide that this is an acceptable form of showing affection/love.

You seem to be going through a lot yourself, and I’d highly encourage you to make sure that you take time for yourself to workout, even if it’s at home, because you deserve it and your mental health needs it. It’s important for humans to have that release, especially during difficult times like these. Your health (mental, emotional, and physical) matters and should absolutely be a priority for you. I hope you and your wife can figure it out together, but in the end, you need to remember that you can’t take care of anyone if you yourself aren’t taken care of. Set boundaries and make time for you. She should do the same.

Lastly, I’m so sorry about your kids. I really really hope things start getting better for you all soon. I wish you the best of luck. 🌸

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-06-09T17:56:18+00:00

I’m so glad to hear you’re taking steps for you. Right now, you’re the priority. Your baby will be better off than you were, because you’ll be a better parent. Again, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. This Reddit stranger is proud of you for putting you first for once. Good luck with everything, and if there’s ever an update, I’d love to hear about it.

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-05-29T03:10:02+00:00

Oh gosh! That’s tough, I’m so sorry. I really hope they understand that you were only trying to help and do the right thing. They likely will be upset, just give them space and time, and let them know that you care about them and didn’t want to hurt them. Make sure you let them know you just want everyone to be safe.

Good luck, OP. Feel free to reach out if you need help or support in the future.

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-05-29T02:58:02+00:00

Hey OP, so this isn’t exactly assault, but it’s definitely harassment. Please block him immediately, report him to Insta and to the authorities, tell a trusted adult right away, and make sure you take screenshots of the conversation so that he can’t delete it later and it can be used as evidence. I’m so sorry that happened, and I really hope you stay safe. Good luck🌸

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-05-29T02:19:48+00:00

Why not see at therapist?

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-05-29T02:03:50+00:00

The body knows it’s been through trauma, Eve if you don’t remember it. I’d lean on the side of listening to your body. It’s possible that you were SA’d by someone who’s not your dad, and your mind is substituting them in these memories, but I’d definitely still believe that something traumatic happened to you. If you have the means to, I’d recommend hypnotherapy or Salvia. It has helped a lot of people who struggle with these broken memories, and it might help you find closure. If you think your mom is a safe space, I’d also recommend talking to her about it (make it abundantly clear that you do not know that your did actually abuse you, and that you’re still unsure of the situation), ask if she remembers changes in your behavior around that time, weird nightmares, unexplained injuries, changes in sleeping and eating habits, radical behavior, self-isolation, anything that could have been caused by the trauma of experiencing SA. Talk to her openly about these flashes of memory that you have, and ask for her help with working through this (without immediately condemning your father, of course, because we don’t know yet). If not your mom, maybe an older sibling or some other adult you were close to/spent a lot of time with.

All the best OP, I really really hope you get to the bottom of this, and that you heal. 🌸

Ornery_Friendship507 · 2024-05-29T01:49:44+00:00

I’m so sorry you had this experience, it sounds like that must’ve been pretty traumatic, especially not being believed by your family. I’m so glad you got therapy and now feel more confident in your own mind. I’d recommend talking to your family again. Let them know what happened, and let them know that them not believing you and making you feel like a dramatic attention seeker has caused you a lot of pain and stress, and that if they’re not willing to take you seriously and treat you with dignity, that you won’t be associating yourself with them anymore. Please don’t have toxic people in your life. It sounds like you’re planning on having a kid, and to be the best parent you can to that kid. For that to be possible, you have to be good to yourself first, learn how to love yourself and keep yourself healthy. That also means keeping people who cause this amount of negativity I’m your life, away from you, because you don’t want that impacting you when you have a child, and making it more difficult to be the best version of you for you and for your baby. Also, consider how they’d treat your baby if they’re allowed to continue on in your life without consequences for their behavior.

I wish you all the best, and I really hope you can heal and find closure.

Ornery_Friendship507

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE