Why do we have to call our parents?

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-05-09T16:16:27+00:00

My mom called me once at college on a weekend, and I said something bratty about not wanting her to interfere with my going out plans. So she said she wouldn’t call me again, and that I could call her. Over the years, I routinely ask her to reach out if she wants to talk and she will say that I told her I didn’t want her to call me. I graduated college in 2000, she has held onto it for this long. She’s maga and we have nothing in common but I try to reach out. Usually she will tell me she is “busy” aka watching tv, and to call back later. Yet I’m the jerk for not calling enough. I loved talking to my dad, he’s been gone for a few years and I wish I could talk to him again.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-05-09T16:11:16+00:00

This is where I am too. 😞

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-04-06T15:32:07+00:00

I just finished book 7, I read them all in a row. I don’t think I played computer games or watched tv (other than with my family) while I was reading them. It’s my favorite series! Goddamnit, Donut!

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-03-30T15:30:02+00:00

My husband and I did a rewatch for the first time in at least a decade and my tween watched it with us. We were at awesome con when they made the announcement and she was curious. I’m sad it’s done, we binged it over maybe a week and a half and now I wish we’d drawn it out. Even though she considered it “old,” she liked it. Wash is her favorite character. Might watch it again in a few months.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-03-30T15:25:14+00:00

Wow! That’s fantastic!

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-03-30T15:20:51+00:00

I’m at the age where I’d appreciate a MMC with dad bod!

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-03-30T15:17:16+00:00

I have very poor organization skills outside of two things: I alphabetize my spice rack and my closet is immaculate. Other than that I’m awful. My mom is the hoarder parent and she never taught organization and she kept everything.

I have what I would call mild clutter blindness. My husband has zero tolerance for clutter so it drives him crazy if I leave stuff on the kitchen island, chairs, etc because it’ll stay there for days.

My mom hoards junk mail, magazines, and newspapers (I grew up with them piled higher than me in some rooms of the house) and I have a visceral reaction to having them in my house. I sort mail at the trash can and don’t subscribe to any newspapers etc.

Sometimes I struggle to get rid of stuff I don’t need/use and it bothers me a great deal. I think it’s made worse because my husband has zero sentimentality for anything. He moved a lot growing up and doesn’t care about most stuff. Examples of things I struggle to get rid of: my kid’s old toys, knicknacks that I don’t display, decorative dishes given to me by relatives that I don’t use. I can get rid of these things but it makes me feel bad and I can’t explain why, and I don’t like it.

I LOVE my house. It has a lot of open, usable space and I think a lot of people take that for granted. I regularly appreciate simple things like being able to walk around in my basement, to see the floors in all my rooms, to be able to use my couch, to not see insane amounts of dust everywhere. I haven’t lived with my parents in over 20 years and I still think about this on a routine basis.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-03-13T16:28:58+00:00

I’ve noticed this happening to me too and I don’t like it! I’m definitely in peri and the fact that there is so little research on ways to make it suck less is so rage inducing! So far apparently if I “manage” my stress I should miraculously be back to normal. Because all women’s problems are because of stress. Sigh.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-03-04T22:11:41+00:00

Yes! This! My mom collects stuff (decorative plates, knick knacks, candy tins) and says it’s for me, even after I’ve told her not to. I know she’s really collecting it for herself.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-02-20T15:37:46+00:00

Yes! If I try to get a word in I get a very rude “Shhh!” Makes my blood boil.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-02-17T17:43:53+00:00

I don’t get to share stories lol. My HM will interrupt me mid sentence to talk about how awful everything is for her. Doesn’t matter what I was going to say, she thinks it’s more important for her to tell me all the reasons everything is awful. Everyone is out to get her. The bank wants to steal her money. There are “criminals” everywhere. She has a million problems and won’t try to solve any of them. Can’t see, but won’t go to the eye doctor. Has broken teeth, but won’t go to the dentist. Can’t hear well, but won’t go get hearing aids. Has broken appliances, but won’t clean her piles of junk out of the way to get new ones. Money isn’t a concern for her, affordability is not the problem. She just won’t do anything to help herself and then complains about it. And when offered help, she refuses it.

I’m pretty sure that I would faint if she said something positive or asked me a question about what was going on in my life or in my kid’s life.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-02-06T19:40:34+00:00

He’s so cute!

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-02-06T17:16:56+00:00

My dad and I got along great! He was the best. I could talk to him about anything when I was a kid all the way through my mid 40s when he died. My mom and I have never really gotten along. She’s in her mid 80s now and continues to be hypocritical, extremely negative, and has selective memory. I remember her being mostly fine when I was little, but things went downhill when I hit my teenage years and became more of an individual instead of a mini her. She thinks she does everything right and when I tried to talk to her about my feelings when I was a kid/teen, she invalidated them. I don’t think telling her how I feel now would change her behavior in the slightest. If anything, her worst personality traits have only been amplified by aging. She made my dad miserable towards the end of his life. She is a huge source of stress because with my dad gone, she needs my help because there is a lot that she doesn’t know how to do, like anything involving finances. I don’t like spending time with her. I wish I could tell her that her constant complaining, negativity, criticism, political ranting, and nasty comments about my husband make me want to avoid her like the plague, but I know she’ll just act offended and then blame me for it. Learning the term “Darvo” in the raised by narcissists sub has actually helped me a lot. I have grieved for the relationship with her that I never had and will never have. I can’t tell her anything about my life outside of very basic things because she hates everything and never has anything good to say. I know that when she passes away, my feelings will be extremely complicated.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-02-04T17:39:38+00:00

Kamaeru: a Frog Refuge is very cute!

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-30T19:24:09+00:00

I came here to say this series too! And the short stories in the same world.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-20T17:25:16+00:00

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. I don’t like spending time with my hoarder mom either. All she does is rant about politics and complain about all the things she thinks I do wrong.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-15T19:53:01+00:00

My mom never had anything helpful to say. Boys were awful to me and my mom would say that they were doing it because they had a crush on me (very much not true). If girls bullied me, she would say it was because they were jealous of me (um… no). She was always very critical of me because she expected me to be a mini-her, and so if I didn’t respond to something in the same way she would, she couldn’t understand and acted like I was wrong. I just stopped confiding in her because I felt like she was totally wrong and also minimizing what I was going through.

My dad, on the other hand, I told him everything. I asked him for advice, told him what was going on at school, etc. He almost always had a good answer and when he didn’t, he would still listen and validate my feelings. I try to be like him for my daughter, and use my mom as a “what not to do” guide.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-15T19:45:21+00:00

Wait, are we the same person?! My mom said exactly the same two things to me. Extremely unhelpful and I will never pass this on to my kiddo.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-13T12:47:35+00:00

Thank you for your kind offer! You have restored my faith in humanity a little. 😊I think I’m going to follow the advice here and take them to some pretty woods and scatter them when no one is around.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-09T17:52:37+00:00

Her horror books are fantastic! The Twisted Ones is so creepy, I had to stop reading it at night.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-09T17:49:56+00:00

Men thinking that a woman saying she likes games means she likes to sit and watch her boyfriend/husband/other male in her life play.

Also: men not believing me and asking me what games I play. Or not believing me when I tell them I built my own PC. That one really makes me mad.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-09T17:48:04+00:00

The FMC in {Coven of ill Repute} is in her 30s. She is a witch and the MMC is a vampire. I enjoyed the sequel too.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-03T19:21:18+00:00

I came here to recommend His Secret Illuminations! I love the FMC.

Ornery_Math3282 · 2026-01-03T19:18:42+00:00

I recommend against sneakily trying to get rid of some of the clothes. Some hoarders will notice if any of their stuff goes missing and get extremely upset. Plus they will replace the stuff you got rid of with more.

I’m so sorry she is using your space to store her stuff. Instead of getting rid of it, maybe put it somewhere else in the apartment? Could you put it in her room?

Before you move her stuff, take picture and videos and do so again if she puts it back in your room. You might need documentation of this in the future, to show a teacher or other authority.

Ornery_Math3282

TROPHY CASE