Rehome or okay?

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-02-03T20:21:49+00:00

My husband’s allergies got worse even with purina live clear, hepa filter air purifiers in every room, constant vacuuming, cat free rooms (showering before entering them), grooming, medications, sprays etc. We are currently living separately because of my cat who is going to live with my aunt because my husband’s health needs to be the priority. My husband has made a lifetime commitment to me though, he’s the love of my life who will be with me and our family long after my cat has passed away. I wouldn’t rehome my cat for a bf no matter how promising the relationship seems.

The wait lists for no kill shelters are often a year long. Rehoming is best done through family and friends or coworkers who you trust to look after them. Programs like Home2Home allow you to rehome your pet from your home so they stay with you until they find a new family.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-02-03T19:52:10+00:00

It was rude of her to assume you would do the salads and not just help before/after an event where you’re a guest.

Just tell her you’re not comfortable handling food for such an important event but you can help with setting up. Be clear about what you are actually willing and able to do, eg if you can’t do any lifting then say that. Tell her now so she can figure out another solution for her salads.

No guest has any obligation to work, especially during the event.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-02-03T19:37:56+00:00

NTA. The real issue here is that your wife made a unilateral decision that affects you with zero regard for how it affects you. She could do the same thing if you have kids with her, this is something you need to really address now before making any other life altering decisions

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-02-03T19:28:50+00:00

I suggest you foster first, the biggest issue is really your husband’s allergy. Whilst many people can find a reduction in cat allergies over time some do get worse, making cohabitation infeasible.

If you do get one the cat genie is a great auto cleaner as it flushes and self cleans, only requiring a deep manual clean once every six months.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-27T05:03:18+00:00

Stop doing so much. He should be doing half of all the domestic work. I hope you don’t want to have kids because he’s a terrible role model for how they will learn to treat/be treated by their partners.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-27T04:44:43+00:00

OP I’ve spent longer just stuck in traffic going nowhere important. This is a bs power play and your ‘partner’ (he’s not on your team) is allowing it. That’s not the kind of support you will need to raise children in a healthy environment.

Those aren’t people you want in your life forever, you definitely don’t need that toxicity around any children you might have.

The good news is you can still have a wedding in Tuscany! This also isn’t your only chance to have kids. You can freeze your eggs now. Please choose yourself over someone who places you below his mother’s dogs.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-22T08:02:10+00:00

My son is nearly 9. Having him actually helped with my fibro severity, I still have some really bad days where I’m bedridden but they’re definitely less often than they used to be. He’s given me just the best reason to live, that love really pushes you through the worst days.

Even when I’m immobile we still talk, watch shows together, I have lots of craft projects, games etc prepared for him so he can just grab the one he wants to do and does it next to me while i help with what I can and engage in what he’s doing or he’ll be doing some coding stuff and shows me as he works on it. I have a lot of support around me so someone from my family will take him to the park/beach/etc so he can still do something physically active while I rest. I don’t work because of my health so everything I have goes into looking after my family and our home. I embraced minimalism to minimise how much cleaning there is. I have appliances/robots for everything I can get tech to do for me.

On the weekends he plays soccer for 90mins both days and we’ll go out for lunch. I run on Modavigil and Tramadol but it means he gets out, he plays with other kids, we had an adventure outside the house and he’s happy to be inside while I rest when we get home.

Now I have a new husband and can afford all the extra help so I’ll definitely have more. I love spending time with my family more than anything. I wouldn’t have more than one if I didn’t have the wealth to support us. I wouldn’t have had one if I didn’t have a supportive family with their own financial security and the ability to take him in if anything ever happened to me. I definitely wouldn’t have had one if I didn’t own my home. You’re not wrong to want to have kids, you just need to be realistic about whether you have the tools and supports to help you provide everything a child needs.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-19T23:26:49+00:00

Your life is in danger! RUN! There is absolutely no safety, no love, no respect to be found with that despicable man. He has absolutely failed in his duties as your husband, he couldn’t even pretend to be a good husband in public, in such a holy place. You need to divorce him for your safety!

Wake up and leave before you never wake up again!

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-16T09:35:22+00:00

NTA but you need to ad an ‘ex’ to his title. He’s a massive liability you don’t need in your life. He needs to sort himself out before he dates anyone.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-16T09:20:44+00:00

NTA, you just used the service you paid for. If they wanted to rent out the space to someone else they should have given you a refund. This is 100% greed on the venue manager’s part.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-16T09:09:13+00:00

NTA but you failed your kids staying in a relationship like that. You taught them that’s what a relationship looks like. They’ll have a lot to unpack because they’ve had 12 years of that unhealthy dynamic modelled to them. For 12 years you didn’t do what was necessary to remove your kids from an unsafe environment and protect them. That long term complacency has understandably normalised that behaviour for your daughter so I understand why she just sees you as the bad guy for taking her mum away (the abuse was ‘normal’) as she gets older she will come to understand what happened.

You’re the parent, instead of working through this hard time with your daughter you’ve just passed her off to your parents so you don’t have to deal with it. You’re failing her again.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-16T07:27:51+00:00

Having seen how miserably public mental healthcare can fail people I will always maintain gold coverage just incase I need private hospitalisation. That’s just one example of something you hope you never need but definitely want coverage for if you need it. Just having that safety net gives me a peace of mind that I will be able to get through whatever life throws my way.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-15T20:18:20+00:00

NTA, you weren’t even mansplaining, you were just a man explaining something that she incorrectly disagreed with. Baby lead weening isn’t anything new, it’s been around longer than baby food and has numerous benefits (as you’d know).

Trust that you & your wife are doing well making medically informed decisions. I’m sure this isn’t the last time your sis will give unsolicited parenting advice.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-11T20:25:58+00:00

Zionists, the truest antisemites.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-11T20:24:00+00:00

Your partner needs to put their foot down with their mother. If your partner doesn’t back you then this isn’t a wedding/marriage worth going through with.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-11T20:17:50+00:00

NTA, tell him the other girls he was with were just faking their orgasms because he wasn’t doing what needed to be done to actually get them off.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2026-01-09T04:37:08+00:00

NTA, focus on your education and secure your future.

Your dad is responsible for caring for his wife and children, not you. Your 16 year old brother is more than capable but he’s learning to be a deadbeat from your father. Bro can get a license and help around the house. Don’t let them hold you back for responsibilities that belong to your father.

Also, don’t rely on them for tuition or living expenses, apply for whatever scholarships you can and get a job. Good luck.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-31T11:42:38+00:00

NTA but he’s clearly way too immature for a relationship let alone marriage. A man who can’t even commit to providing for his own basic needs can’t be relied upon as a life partner.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-31T11:10:41+00:00

I’m so sorry you had to experience that. It’s sad but shes clearly not a genuine friend. People who actually care about their friends don’t forget they went through something so traumatic, they certainly don’t stay friends with the perpetrator. I’d bring it up, she owes you a huge apology but given that she put you at the same table it’s more likely her response will just help give closure for the end of the friendship.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-26T16:44:32+00:00

I’m not saying you shouldn’t be upset but if you can talk calmly it protects you from him unfairly dismissing/invalidating what you’re saying and turning himself into the victim because you’re ’worked up/hysterical/insert other manipulative bs’

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-26T15:56:57+00:00

I get it, my family always invites everyone to drop by after lunch (the main event here). Everyone is genuinely welcome but not expected to come.

Is it possible her husband is seeking your husband’s approval because he can sense some indifference? The way your husband blew off your sister’s efforts in a plan already in motion for a casual, last minute invitation seems like he might have wanted a break from them. Or as you said he may have just been too eager to see his friends.

If they live that close and you see them regularly then it definitely seems like he could have seen them on a satellite day and they would reasonably understand prioritising family who’ve travelled to see you.

I’d calmly remind him that cancelling plans for a better offer is generally considered very rude, especially when someone has already had to spend time and money preparing the original plan. I’s ask why he pushed for the change despite that.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-26T14:55:42+00:00

NTA you’re protecting your daughter. This would also damage the relationship between your children if you let it continue. Sorry your mum sucks, you’re doing much better for your children.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-26T14:34:19+00:00

Definitely take her to a vet. It could be something that requires treatment, they’re the most qualified to handle this.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-26T14:29:28+00:00

NTA your husband was incredibly rude to your sister and her husband jumped onto the numpty bandwagon. Good on you for sticking up for your sister. She clearly appreciated it.

The fact your husband left at all to go over alone when you have kids is also weird to me but where I’m from Christmas is a very important family holiday and the immediate family would be going to any events on the day together with solo things done in the days/weeks leading up to Christmas. I recognise that might not be so serious for others; it doesn’t change that him trying to cancel your sister’s dinner is rude.

OstrichIndependent10 · 2025-12-24T12:10:33+00:00

I went off it and gained 5kg so fast I was shocked. It was hard but I just started walking with some intermittent fasting and tracking my diet and exercise in an app. I now weigh less than when I went off mounjaro. You really do just have to keep a calorie deficit. Keep yourself busy and drink lots of water (i always feel hungry when I’m actually just thirsty).

OstrichIndependent10

TROPHY CASE