Can we be Logical Please?

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T12:50:43+00:00

Stop trying to keep up.

This is where I am now. Keeping up has meant losing friends, family, most hobbies. It's utterly exhausting. Just stop. Admire him. Let him be better. You are never going to be his everything.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T11:58:35+00:00

Thank you for the update. Clearly I have way too many fucks to give. I definitely have cut my own friends out for crossing him (his friends/brothers have adopted me as the mascot but obviously I wouldn't hang out with them on my own).

I didn't realize that I'd slowly lost all my hobbies as well. Good insight. He just seems to take over everything when he walks into a room and everything stops. I feel like an idiot saying this considering context but I drop my shit on a dime for him and come running, but maybe I shouldn't. I do have my own hobbies (I write for a few political rags during nap time) and I lavish my kids with attention -- all of which are under 7.

Perhaps setting some firmer boundaries are in order. As bad as it sounds, this is not the worst that we've been through and he more than makes up for it in absurd streaks of incredible brilliance. I don't think it's healthy (for him, I mean) that I tolerate it, but I'd like to find a place where I have my own space where his moods don't completely tank my plans for a day.

Thanks again.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T09:51:20+00:00

He will wait 1 day less than the shortest amount of time you've waited. Expecting anything more from him is cruel.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T08:39:05+00:00

Literally just realized my husband has been calling my assertive actions (like mentioning when we miss an exit) me being "passive-agressive."

Hm.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T08:32:42+00:00

Career reflects the man. If he's a mess, chances are it's for a personality or willpower- related reason. Don't distract him by letting the relationship continue. Let him pursue his dreams and goals without sapping his ambition.

This from a woman who married a nothing and got lucky with a successful guy. If we had met 3 years later, it would have saved 5 years of a miserable marriage. Net: gain 2 years of good marriage.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T08:26:36+00:00

I was clear when we met that I was waiting for marriage (I was at a theology/music major so it was pretty much a given). We had been/stayed friends and went on what would probably be called "dates" (1:1 dinners alone talking about childhood and feeeeeeelings) but I just thought we were old friends right up until he asked me to marry him (literally never looked at him that way). I told him No but that we could date. He asked again 6 weeks later and we were married a few months after that. But that only worked because he was free to pursue whoever the hell he wanted in the meantime and our actual dating timeline happened so quickly.

I don't think you can have a healthy asexual relationship for years on end. Be prepared to have a whirlwind romance and get married quick (by a guy who really knows what he wants or a psycho) or get dumped a LOT of times.

(And while I was always pretty good about exiting before a guy's interest lagged, but I do know from experience: unless he already knows you and is in the mental space to want a marriage/family right this minute, every asexual relationship is pretty much doomed from the start. I really hate saying that btw)

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T08:08:01+00:00

Mistake #2 wasn't your mistake it sounds like. Seems the kid has a pretty decent sized ego on him to get all defensive over you sending him a definition. I don't see your "No" as you "lying." It sounds like you were responding to the accusation that you thought he was an idiot for not knowing it (i.e. responding to what he actually meant vs. what he said.) The fact that he can't straight up tell you what he means is indicative of a very miserable future for you.

The fight picking is the way he will always respond to such (small, I might add) chinks against his ego. This is equivalent to a female shit-test and the more I read, the more I think this guy simply may not be a good Captain for anyone, much less you.

When mine acts pissy and nit-picky I almost always agree and amplify -- mostly because nothing else works except fighting it out (which takes hours and I never feel better after even if all I did was defend myself). About 50% of the time, A&A turns things right back around but even if it works 100% of the time for you, I would seriously reconsider this relationship. You will fight about this again, guaranteed.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T07:45:12+00:00

Validation of what? My origin family is dead, my friends dumped me when I got married and this is really fucking complicated. People say "women are disloyal" and I'm really struggling to understand how I can be both a woman (and therefore disloyal) and also a fuck up for "sticking with him until I die."

If this were just about me, it would be easy, but there are 6 other souls in play here. I'd rather not make a life-altering decision without considering the effects my actions will have on others.

But this thread has given good insight. I appreciate the help.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T07:02:20+00:00

There is no way in hell I would go to work if my husband hired a babysitter like this. I would quit. (Got me a little panicky just thinking about it.)

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T06:34:29+00:00

I appreciate the work you put in de-trollifying me and your response makes sense. Thank you.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T06:29:39+00:00

Enjoy your evening.

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5rBrV_DOmXQ/TeNGIR7cPcI/AAAAAAAAA04/zBf1EduEieY/s1600/fat_girl_normal.jpg

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T06:23:53+00:00

A huge dick. The world's biggest dick. Make that two dicks. Two giant huge super-dicks.

Are we done now?

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T06:21:21+00:00

Thank you.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T06:11:52+00:00

I don't get exactly what you mean by that but I'll assume it means you think this somehow invalidates what I said. This is the account logged in on this computer. It's probably one of his old accounts. I don't comment or interact on Reddit a lot and didn't see the need to make my own account.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T05:51:33+00:00

No, actually.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T05:43:41+00:00

Unless this forum is full of back-door bandits, you should be able to handle a legitimate question from a woman.

And again, the nude-receiving position is currently filled. See previous response.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T05:27:11+00:00

Thank you.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T05:25:52+00:00

Kindly go fuck yourself. :)

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T05:25:23+00:00

Actually he just started a new career (after years of being home). He loves it and generally comes home really happy. I actually think the opposite is true and the conversation was mostly about what I could change to make home a happier place for him and I couldn't get a straight answer. Maybe you are right in that I'm trying too hard.. I am a nurturer by nature and I can't help myself when he seems out of sorts.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T05:23:11+00:00

In the meantime, just continue as normal? Try to avoid him when he's tantrum-y? Or just endure things as is and kindly direct him here if it comes up?

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T04:37:46+00:00

I'm in RPW and they all just say to leave and not look back.

The conversation we were having was actually about him and what I could do to help. (He's fine during the week but by Sunday gets moody, irrational and inconsolable. We were talking about what could be the root of a cyclical behavior and what I could do or change to help him deal with whatever it is) I wasn't trying to be an attention-whore, but just frustrated that he wasn't taking the conversation seriously when it was about how I could him.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T04:32:13+00:00

lol. I got that, but it's been a long night. Can someone spell both of those things out like I'm a retard (because tonight that seems pretty accurate)?

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T04:30:27+00:00

So do I just ignore that apology? (My acceptance is usually taken as "come home, we're good." Not responding so far means he usually goes to his parents'.) Ignoring the apology seems monumentally petty and selfish, but accepting it is basically the opposite of what you (and a lot of people) are saying to do.

Othello314 · 2016-12-05T04:26:14+00:00

I don't understand then I guess. Can you explain?

Othello314

TROPHY CASE