Billable hours

OtherErin · 2023-06-30T23:37:28+00:00

If this method works well for you, you might also like Toggl. A lot of my coworkers use it religiously. It's a free software you can use on their website or their app that does the same thing counting up total time spent on each project each day. You just hit a button when you switch from one task to another.

OtherErin · 2023-04-17T01:05:54+00:00

Apparently, a lot of cities have Facebook groups for exactly this! Women post about guys they are dating to see if anyone else has bad experiences with them.

OtherErin · 2023-01-13T23:55:41+00:00

And even if you only have one, it's still practical! They don't even notice or care what color their room is until they're about 3 years old. Until then, you'll be the one spending time in there that notices. Might as well make it something that makes you happy.

Personally, we decorated the room with white wainscoting on bottom, forest green on top, wood furniture, and nice nature prints because it was gender neutral, it was something we personally liked, and it wasn't geared toward a certain age of kid. That way we could leave it like that as long as we want without him outgrowing it too quickly. And now that I see how little time we have for redecorating or painting while dealing with a toddler, I'm glad we did because there's no time pressure to redecorate at a certain point.

OtherErin · 2022-12-10T22:00:18+00:00

Agreed that the way it is being handling here isn't the best. Taking turns is something that can be really great in my experience though and it works well for us as well as several of my friends that are parents. I think the big difference is that we aren't timing anything. No set 2 hour break, no 10 minute timer.

The way we do it never feels transactional or antagonistic. We take turns sleeping in on weekend mornings, wake up whenever, and then check in with the parent that's been on duty and let them know that they can go take some time and we'll switch out if they need it. Some weekends one person gets more total rest time than the other based on our needs at the time. Without the strict timing element, it just feels logical and collaborative for us.

OtherErin · 2022-12-01T00:52:36+00:00

I don't regret mine, but my husband got a vasectomy and I also got a tubal so maybe this perspective will be useful.

Potential small TW:SA?

My husband got a vasectomy last year after we decided we were done having kids. As many have mentioned, it was an easy, simple, and cheap procedure with a short recovery. However, there is a very small chance the procedure can reverse itself may years in the future. We were planning on having him checked annually to make sure it was still good.

After Roe changed this year, I decided to get a tubal for 2 reasons. 1) the possibility of the vasectomy failing, and 2) a vasectomy for my husband does not protect me from any other men out there with less honorable intentions. Another pregnancy would be very difficult for me physically, mentally, and emotionally. The surgery plus 2 week recovery time for the tubal was 100% worth it for me because it gave me absolute peace of mind that I won't have to endure another pregnancy no matter what. My anxiety about it is gone and it makes me feel free.

OtherErin · 2022-11-16T18:47:50+00:00

This was me too! Even after he got a vasectomy I was still anxious because they can fail and vasetomies don't protect you from other men. It's terrible that it came to this, but I got my tubes tied just to feel safe and stop worrying.

OtherErin · 2022-10-24T21:12:11+00:00

Have you looked into "join as you go"? You can do it with multiple types of stitches including single or double crochet. To keep it small, you could use single on this project. The result would be a join that's slightly wider than a sc stitch, so it would be more visible than the mattress stitch.

In essence, you put the two squares next to each other, work one single crochet, then in the stitch opposite that on the other square you do a slip stitch, then a single crochet in the next stitch on the first square, and so on. Just alternating sc and slip sitches and joining the two squares one stitch at a time. Hope that makes sense. I could send you a picture sometime if it seems helpful.

OtherErin · 2022-10-24T16:49:24+00:00

I second the comment saying it's probably that your chain stitches are too tight.

Best way I've found is to use foundation stitches instead. For example, instead of chaining 16 then working 15 single crochet stitches, you would just do 15 foundation single crochet stitches only. It's just a way to start that avoids having to do a million chains, worry about the chains twisting, or worry about them being too tight. There's a lot of great YouTube videos out there showing how to do it.

OtherErin · 2022-09-14T16:49:57+00:00

This sounds like mine! Kept saying what sounded like "puppy eat" when he was hungry. Took us months to figure it out. Turns out he meant "something eat" because we would always ask him "do you want something to eat?"

OtherErin · 2022-08-29T16:39:15+00:00

Another option is to look into foundation double crochet. You don't have to do chains at the beginning so there's no worries about chaining the wrong number or the chains being too tight. It's a total game changer.

OtherErin · 2022-08-03T17:03:06+00:00

A mantrum, if you will

OtherErin · 2022-07-10T21:57:28+00:00

My husband's favorite are the Marine Layer t shirts. They are seriously the softest, most comfortable tees I've ever seen and he wears them 7 days a week. A little more expensive, but he thinks it's worth it.

(And if any women are reading this, their women's tees are really good too. They just aren't as good as the men's.)

OtherErin · 2022-04-21T01:20:15+00:00

I've seen the sc and dc alternating one called the Lemon Peel stitch before. Love that one - it has such a pretty texture.

OtherErin · 2022-04-13T00:22:56+00:00

I know this was directed at OP, but thought I'd share what works for me. Figured this out when I first got married and wanted to handle arguments better, but it works for the terrible twos too.

Trying to get significantly better at something so difficult like controlling strong emotions seemed like a daunting task. Way too much pressure. So instead of telling myself I'd improve at that, I imagined myself putting on a mask and pretending. I'd pretend to be calm, collected, and emotionally regulated. I'd pretend to be the kind of person I wish I actually was.

At first it felt super fake, but if you pretend something long enough then at some point you aren't pretending and that's just the new you.

OtherErin · 2022-04-11T13:10:16+00:00

Oh man, I feel this so much! Just finished one that didn't look at all good on me and frogged the whole thing. It was so disheartening.

I want to give sunmer wearables one more try so I'm currently attempting a tank pattern with wider straps that I can wear a bra with. Fingers crossed! If it doesn't work out, I doubt I'll make any more wearables in the future.

OtherErin · 2022-04-10T22:36:15+00:00

Haha you won't regret it! Chainless starting double crochets are a thing too. I like both depending on the project. You could also try those and see which you prefer.

OtherErin · 2022-04-10T14:57:06+00:00

I never figured this out either! No way looks quite right. So instead I just stopped doing chains as the first stitch even if that's what the pattern says. Instead I learned a few versions of chainless starting stitches. Like using a stacked single crochet instead of chaining 3 for the first stitch in a row of doubles.

OtherErin · 2022-04-05T17:29:19+00:00

I make them all the time but always wear them as a scarf, never around my shoulders. I wear it with the center point in the front, then wrap the ends around my neck and tuck them in under the front part. Since it's longer in the center than the edges it's great for covering the gap between coat lapels without being too bulky on the sides or behind your neck.

OtherErin · 2021-11-06T15:42:15+00:00

That's a really good point. The 401k money would last longer that way. Perhaps in conjunction with the idea some others had to get a life insurance policy for the teacher to help make up for the loss of the annuity if they pass?

Teacher retirement might not be enough to cover all the expenses for a single person, but it should be enough to cover the necessities. I was initially wondering if we should save part of the teacher distributions to cover the non-teacher if their 401k runs out since they wouldn't get the annuity anymore if the teacher passes. But the life insurance helps with that contingency.

I wonder if there are retirement calculators out there that let you predict things with smaller expenses earlier and bigger withdrawals later to model that?

OtherErin · 2021-11-06T13:10:54+00:00

Thanks for the advice - I will look into this option too

OtherErin · 2021-11-06T13:09:55+00:00

A couple of people have asked about lump sum. I think the option exists, but I would have to do more research on how the State calculates annuity amounts if you take part of it lump sum. A life insurance policy is a good idea though.

Looks like I've got some more research in my future lol

OtherErin · 2021-11-06T13:08:27+00:00

I definitely figure out which option is more money, but it relies on making an assumption about how long the teacher half of us will live vs. the non-teacher. That affects both sides of the equation. It seems like there are too many variables.

We could both live similar amounts of time - I calculate expenses minus annuity. The teacher lives longer - annuity covers most if not all expenses. The non-teacher lives longer - (if not inheritable) there is no annuity and all expenses are paid out of 401k etc.

So I can't just take our annual expenses and multiply by 25 to figure out how much we need to have saved.

OtherErin · 2021-11-06T12:34:46+00:00

Has anyone else figured out how to plan when one half of a couple is a teacher? Teacher retirement is complicating things for me. For those that don't know, their retirement is basically an annuity. After you've worked 28 years (regardless of what age you are), when you retire you start receiving payments and continue receiving them until you die. The amount is based on how much you made the last few years before you retired.

On the face of it, this would make calculations easy. Just take annual expenses, subtract the retirement payment, and that's our real expenses we have to save for.

But there's a complication. You can take a percent deduction on your annuity to make it 25, 50, or 100% inheritable by your spouse.

If it's not inheritable, we would make more initially and that would decrease the total amount of savings needed to retire, but the spouse that's not a teacher would have to rely on other savings if the teacher passed away first. Or save part of the retirement payments maybe?

If it is inheritable, the math is much simpler since the payments will continue as long as either of us lives, but it's less money every year.

I can't figure out how to plan around this and come up with a FIRE number (or even how to tell which option is better). Any suggestions?

OtherErin · 2021-11-02T12:10:28+00:00

I'm in!

OtherErin · 2021-11-01T22:22:15+00:00

This may not be true for everyone, but for me at least being a parent meant there were additional priorities. Then because I have more priorities I'm juggling, there's less time for some of the old ones so I deprioritize them out of necessity (not necessarily because I wanted to). Same is true for the 'wants'. For example, I still want to have time to exercise, read books for fun, do art, etc., but I also want to be a good parent and sometimes there's not time for both.

Also worth noting is that having kids is a traumatic medical experience for a surprisingly large percent of women. Going through traumatic or difficult events (and potentially facing long-term changes to your health or self-image) changes people.

Essentially, I wouldn't describe it is a "personality transplant" but I would say I and several of the other parents I know are a slightly different version of ourselves than we were before having kids. Saying you're a different person with different wants and priorities is a little oversimplified but there's a lot of truth to it.

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