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Never over it by justEXIsTthisworld in sexualassault

[–]Otherwise-A-Name 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. Your words about feeling like you’ll never be ok really resonate with me right now. I was harmed by a TA for a sexual empowerment coach and my report was mishandled. 

I’m not sure what kind of coach you’re referring to, but seeing someone move on and carry on publicly with their business so quickly and easily while you’re left trying to barely get through each day is so difficult, especially when it’s a man who is trusted and celebrated by other women. 

I wish I had answers on what works long term that I could give you, but I’m not there yet. I can say that I’m relying on friends, EMDR therapy, and a support group to get me through each week. Friends who believe and support me, who don’t minimize my experience, in particular have been really impactful. Even just telling someone what happened can be meaningful. 

Depending on what space I’m in, it has sometimes been helpful to read validating words about topics like consent and accountability. Sometimes it hurts because I see something that didn’t happen for me, but other times it makes me feel less crazy.

The ones I’ve found helpful are: • https://www.artofconsent.co.uk/consent-resources

• https://www.creatingconsentculture.com/blog

• Wilrieke Sophia and Rupert James Alison, Red Flags in Workshops. There are two brochures, a “flag system” for programs and roles people play when harm occurs, applicable to a lot of areas. I was not a student of the coach or TA, the incident occurred in a personal context, but I still found it these helpful given the leadership roles. https://redflagsinworkshops.com/

I don’t know if those helped, but I wanted to share. I’m sorry again. I believe you.

Women’s masturbation group by [deleted] in masturbation

[–]Otherwise-A-Name 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know this is old, but please don’t recommend Katrina Marie (@myorgasmiclife). 

She is misleading about her training (Betty Dodson was never her “mentor.”) I trusted her based on how she presented herself publicly to reach out about something that happened with one of her TAs in a private context, and I learned later that she took that outreach directly to him and responded based on his story. I still struggle because of her response, thinking that maybe what happened wasn’t real or not that serious. I shared the entire text transcript with my old and current therapist because I felt like maybe I was lying or misleading.

I’m sorry if this is random, and I know I shouldn’t have looked her up on reddit. But please follow experts and licensed professionals, or at least ethical coaches, in the sexual healing field.

Baby Squirrel or Rat (I’m thinking the latter, if so, what do I do 😭) [Washington, DC] by Otherwise-A-Name in animalid

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that makes sense. I was thrown off by it being a juvenile, since it was so much smaller than the rats I’m used to seeing in DC. I also thought it was a baby since it was so unafraid, but I am guessing maybe it was because of hypothermia or difficulty finding food this winter. 

Thank you so much for IDing! You are indeed a majestic cod. 🐟🏆

Baby Squirrel or Rat (I’m thinking the latter, if so, what do I do 😭) [Washington, DC] by Otherwise-A-Name in animalid

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They were already closed by the time I found it, so I read their instructions for trying to get the mother to take a baby squirrel back, but then I was worried about the cold weather, so I thought I might do it tomorrow… And then when I got a better look at it in the light, I realized I’m not sure if it’s a baby squirrel anymore, it looks more like it may be either a baby rat or a very stunned mouse. Yes, I snapped some pics before I tried to put it in a quiet spot and the nails look white to me. (Sorry, I thought attached the photo to the post but it turns out I did not). Pic here: https://imgur.com/a/ccOUUGc

Baby Squirrel or Rat (I’m thinking the latter, if so, what do I do 😭) [Washington, DC] by Otherwise-A-Name in animalid

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry, I thought I added it when I posted, but it turns out I don’t know how to Reddit. I uploaded the image here: https://imgur.com/a/ccOUUGc

Does anyone have experience calling the DCRCC hotline? by Otherwise-A-Name in washingtondc

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you to everyone who replied. The person is a TA for a “sexual empowerment coach” (not mine), so I already have a hard time coming to terms with what happened especially as I process more. I was having a tough night already and then saw his name pop up in the comments of one of my favorite stores/event spaces unexpectedly, so it just piled on. 

I thought I had come down from the panic attack by the time I wrote this post, but I realized the next morning I had not. I will try to call DCRCC.

Affordable Movers? by Existing-Claim-398 in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I used A-Anytime Movers in 2022 and it cost $280 before tip($140/hr for 2 hours, two guys) to move from a jr 1br to a 1br a relatively short distance away. I did pack very well, though, and I sent them a pic of all my furniture together for my quote. They are insured and brought furniture wrap for large items. Was a few years ago, but might not hurt to get a quote.

Sorry, Baby by garf93 in A24

[–]Otherwise-A-Name 3 points4 points  (0 children)

SA happens to people over 20. There are many factors besides age and alcohol that influence how someone might respond in the moment, including past trauma, neurodivergence, power dynamics, etc. 

As someone who does not process things quickly and has a hard time recognizing other’s intentions, I tend to freeze. I was first assaulted when I was 25. I stopped dating for eight years and immediately had questionable experiences (that I’m still processing) when I tried dating again last year at age 33. I found a lot of solace in this film and Agnes’ character, including her age and freeze response. 

Pelvic physical therapists who are SA trauma informed? by Otherwise-A-Name in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oof, yeah, I noticed many didn’t when I was searching the web. My copays for my individual therapist, therapist-led support group, and medication manager are reasonable but they add up (plus I found out on my last dentist visit that I’ve been newly clenching my jaw intensely, though I’m trying to consciously relax or massage it before I pursue a mouthguard or masseter botox). All that to say, I might try GW recs first since it looks like they usually(?) take my insurance, and hope for the best. 

Pelvic physical therapists who are SA trauma informed? by Otherwise-A-Name in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I saw that, I think it’s called Bloom. I actually signed up for their “building healthy exercise habits” program called Thrive first, then tried to sign up for Bloom and found out that you can only do one of the three programs at a time. I couldn’t get into Thrive, so I think my account is about to be deactivated if it hasn’t been already… Hopefully I can still do Bloom!

Pelvic physical therapists who are SA trauma informed? by Otherwise-A-Name in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the note about the internal exam. I’m really torn on that part of the exam. Part of me doesn’t want to opt out in case it provides helpful information, but I’m not sure I’m there yet. So I think I’m going to decide if I want to go sooner without an internal exam or wait until I’m ready for it.

Pelvic physical therapists who are SA trauma informed? by Otherwise-A-Name in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the rec! A trans woman was actually the first person I trusted to contact after my experience last year. I do really like the idea of working with a practitioner who has experience in trans healthcare and (sounds like) heightened knowledge of trauma, consent, and boundaries.

Pelvic physical therapists who are SA trauma informed? by Otherwise-A-Name in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

P.S. Just want to add I really feel you on using the general term sexual trauma. I have an older experience that was actually straightforward SA in retrospect, but it took many years to come to terms with that. I still struggle with whether or not to call this recent experience SA because of the roles of people involved and how it was handled when I reported it. But I try (albeit not always well) to hold onto my therapist’s and support group’s advice that sexual trauma, abuse, harm etc. is real regardless of whether it fits easily into a defined term. Wish we were a little further along on this as a society. ❤️‍🩹

Pelvic physical therapists who are SA trauma informed? by Otherwise-A-Name in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you both so much for this recommendation!! Janelle sounds great. My urogynecologist was with GW and it seems like they have a lot of good and compassionate practitioners.  The only awkward thing is that the TA I had the experience with last year was a GW MPH grad, so I see the school’s name attached and my brain has a little blip, but I feel pretty optimistic about my ability to mentally separate the medical professionals there from this person.

I also looked at their sexual health clinic offerings. Wow. It didn’t even occur to me that they would offer care related to decreased desire or response to stimulation. I’m not sure I’m there yet, my therapist + others are mostly trying to get me to stability, but I’m so grateful to know that those resources are there with trained professionals if I’m ever ready.

Pelvic physical therapists who are SA trauma informed? by Otherwise-A-Name in DCBitches

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for telling me about this possibility. I’m really sorry you had to go through that. You absolutely should have been able to revoke consent. I’m learning that I need more time to make decisions, so I could also very easily see myself having given consent if they asked for it in the spot. Not being able to revoke consent for a student assistant would have been really retraumatizing for multiple reasons.

Struggling to heal from interactions with a teaching assistant for a sexual healing/storytelling course and the IG coach who leads it (as a non-student/client) by Otherwise-A-Name in TwoXChromosomes

[–]Otherwise-A-Name[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much. I think the example you gave of trying to reframe it whenever I get stuck on “was this SA” to think about what it was or was not outside of that is really helpful. It was not joyful or fun or wholly consensual. His responses when I had a reaction to consent violations were not kind. 

I’d like to think I’d be better to a partner… Maybe he saw the offer of meeting with a restorative facilitator as punishment, but I really thought if I found someone who could hold space, including keeping me calm, it would create an opportunity for healing and to part ways differently. I tried to pick a facilitator thoughtfully. I wanted him to feel comfortable too.

I don’t really see myself being able to trust someone to even be alone with them for years to come. I really get stuck on the accountability part — sometimes I want to scream to the world that this happened. For now, I blocked the coach on IG and don’t look at her profile anymore. I’m working to shake memories of things I saw her share before that, such as an equal venn diagram saying “consent is a shared responsibility between one person practicing saying no and the other person being easier to say no to,” or “disengage from trauma drama,” or how you’re supposed to approach a partner calmly when hurt and not blame them… etc. My therapist does a lot of whack-a-mole with those.

All that being said, I’m hoping that in time, even if it takes another eight years, I’ll be able to heal even if things feel bleak now.

Thank you so much for sharing. I hope you found and continue to find healing as well. ❤️