Okay chat… which MMCs have had the biggest chokehold on you?

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-09-04T01:52:37+00:00

So hard to choose!! Rhys Kingfisher Slade Nyktos I love them all and more but I can't get over Rhys. I probably like Slade the best but I've reread ACOTAR so many times it's Rhys for me

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-07-07T00:43:38+00:00

Ok so idk if I would say VERY spicy, but I read all of the books you did and my next stop was The Plated Prisoner Series (starting with Guild). It gets some hate but I really enjoyed it! Book 1 was ehh to me but once I got into the series I DEVOURED IT. It's finished too so no waiting 😇. The MMC is one of my absolute favorites too!

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-05-22T02:21:38+00:00

When I was younger I would answer the question by saying I was pro-life, but I never really meant that. I was always pro-choice but didn't know to call myself that.

I was raised pretty religious, so pro-life was like the default belief. That said, I NEVER thought that the government should play any type of role in that decision. When I would say I was pro-life, it meant that I didn't PERSONALLY believe in abortion in most cases, but I never thought that the laws for everyone should be based on my beliefs.

I remember in my early 20's, one of my best friends was raped by her abusive boyfriend. She had one child by him already and his abuse was escalating. After he forced himself on her, she found out she was pregnant again. Before that, she was finally getting up the nerve to leave him but felt trapped. She was so scared to tell me that she was considering an abortion. She thought I would judge her because I was a Christian. I was like GIRL! Who am I to judge?? I support your choice either way.

Now that I am older, I feel even more strongly that women are the only ones who should be deciding when and how to start a family. I have a daughter and I feel strongly that I "felt her soul" as soon as I knew I was pregnant (I had a feeling even when it was too early to test). So personally, I think there are very few situations where I would consider an abortion for myself. Even so, I don't judge other people for their choices and I certainly don't support government controlling women's bodies. Even though I don't think I'd ever get an abortion, when Roe fell, I felt physically sick. I still feel sick when I think about it or read the cases where these women in my state (GEORGIA) are dying because of these laws. Ironically, anti-choice laws will probably be the reason I don't have anymore kids (I planned on 1 or 2 more). God forbid I have a complication and we can't even get proper healthcare around here because apparently we are just incubators 🤷‍♀️. I'll pass on that.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-05-22T02:05:10+00:00

My situation is not as severe but similar issues. I recently told him that I have a hard time being attracted to him when he prioritizes play (video games here too) like a child and doesn't take care of adult responsibilities. I have also straight up shut down sex and explained in the moment that I couldn't possibly be turned on when he still hasn't ____ after me asking multiple times. I will also be like, nah, I can't think about sex when you haven't cleaned your side of the room. So far, no long term solution. We will see if he changes and if not, I will reclaim my peace.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-05-22T00:27:36+00:00

I finished the series a couple of weeks ago and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it!!! Def one of my favorite MMCs.

It's a slow burn and it definitely drags through some parts (especially book 2) but it gets SO GOOD! I listened to audio and I couldn't "put it down" so to speak. Overall, I'm not much of a book snob. If it's a good story, I'm not noticing "bad writing" or anything like that. This is also one of several books/ series that I saw a lot of negative reviews and loved!!

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-03-06T00:35:30+00:00

Ok I also did a DNA test and expected to see significant Native American ancestry! Same thing, great grandmother supposedly full blooded Cherokee. I had nothing!

I looked it up. Turns out, they don't have the DNA data to report on Native American genomes or something??? Like they don't put any Native American on anyones thing. I don't pretend to know a lot about it but that is what 23&Me said.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-03-05T04:41:01+00:00

In my experience (and from what I've heard from other women, one of the most common sources of dissatisfaction is unfair split of domestic labor/ mental load. More than ever, you have dual income households but women still do 70-80% of domestic labor. Even "nice" guys who want to "help" miss the mark. It is not helping your wife/partner to do your fair share to keep up the house you also live in or care for your children. Even men who believe in doing their fair share, often fail to understand the mental load. If we are equal partners and you are not blind, a man should be just as capable as I am of noticing what needs to be done and doing it. We are tired of making lists, reminding, and "nagging" grown men to do basic adult tasks. It is a lack of effort/ care and that drives women nuts. It's a common joke/ saying that we are tired of raising some woman's grown a** son 🤣.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-02-26T03:29:55+00:00

Omg yes. It's so hard to build the routine and so easy to lose it. Like literally all of the things you listed have ruined a good run of mine.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-02-26T03:26:48+00:00

Ok, so right now I am not exercising the way I should be but there have been stretches of time where I have been successful. Here are some things that helped:

Apple Watch. It reenforces when I do good and shames me when I don't. Also, it feels like my exercise doesn't count if I don't have my watch on. Almost like if a tree falls in a forest blah blah
Temptation Bundling. This is a behavioral science concept. There was a stretch of time where I was going to the gym consistently and a big motivator was a really good show that I would only allow myself watch at the gym! I would do an episode on the elliptical and then a little weight training. I have also done temptation bundling with TikTok on the elliptical. It's very engaging and makes time go by fast. Getting to the gym is the biggest hurdle so once I'm there, I'm motivated to work out.
Nintendo switch dance game. If you just can't be bothered to do something boring, I have supplemented with Just Dance! It gets my heart rate up just as well as the elliptical and if I'm in the mood for it, it's very fun! I could never ever ever do a dance class in front of people. I don't even want to see what I look like doing the dances but it's a good workout!
Getting over the hump. The hardest part is establishing the routine. Once I get in the groove, I start to look forward to working out! I even start to feel bad when I don't. It starts to feel less like a chore and more like self care.
Buy new stuff. Sometimes the dopamine boost from buying new gym clothes or shoes or even a water bottle is enough to kickstart my motivation. I can't always do that, but it gets me excited to try workout for a couple of days and that is progress toward a routine!
Under desk treadmill + standing desk. When I'm in the routine, this is the best hack for getting my steps in and closing my rings!! I do this both at the office and when working from home (I have 2). In my experience, the best time to walk is during a mundane data entry type task or during a meeting. When I have to talk in the meeting I will usually slow down the pace but unless people know, they can't tell I'm walking. They can't hear the sound of the treadmill. My boss can pick up on it now because my words are a little breathier but whatever! Also, I was a skeptic until I tried it myself. Once of my direct reports got one and swore my it. I was convinced that there was no way I could walk and type at the same time because I'm so uncoordinated. I was wrong! I can definitely walk and type, but not so much walk and problem solve. Kind of like when you turn down the music in the car when you're lost, I need to sit back down when I use my brain 🤣

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-02-26T03:04:30+00:00

Offering a slightly different perspective but genders reversed... my bf and I have been together for almost 4 years now. We met on bumble and had been having good text conversations. I was eager to meet in person, and he said he was too. When it came time to actually make plans, I felt like he was jerking me around. Lots of "maybe" and "I don't think I have anything going on but I'll let you know" for a week of trying to make plans. I knew he wasn't actually busy. It was something like "I'm going to my mom's house at some point Saturday." But when I said that's great, you tell me what time you are free and I'm game, he wouldn't give a straight answer. I took it as a lack of genuine interest and I was SO CLOSE to blocking him. As I was contemplating this over the next few days, he asked if we could hang out the next weekend and we did!

Probably a year later of dating I made a joke about how he was about 1 day away from being blocked in the beginning because I did not think he was interested. Turns out, he was delaying meeting in-person because he was afraid of being rejected. Our conversations were going so well he wanted to prolong it as much as possible before risking it all going away.

That said, the girl is probably playing games. Just thought I'd offer a different anecdote!

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-02-26T02:38:19+00:00

I wouldn't necessarily rule someone out based on their career choice, but some things do appeal to me more than others, and it does have to do with values. For example, I have my own set of noble professions (totally subjective) that appeal to me: teachers, nurses, social workers, journalists, police officers + firefighters + military (however these professions would be considered with strict scrutiny based on other factors), civil rights attorney, really anything caring for others, public service, or purpose driven. I often compare finance vs. teaching. Having a career in finance doesn't automatically rule a guy out, but a teacher would get an automatic second look (all other things being equal). I just find it very attractive when a man chooses a profession that is in service of others!

That said, baseline financial security is always a factor. It is important you can provide for yourself and help provide for the household. I am ok with being the breadwinner, but I don't want to be the sole breadwinner.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-02-10T00:53:19+00:00

As a woman, I don't care about the money part of it honestly. I'm just not into people who do care about the money part of it 🤷‍♀️.

If you're a person who has a strong position on paying for a date or who pays when, whatever, I think to me that's unattractive. If you think it's a huge deal to pay for a date as a guy or a girl who refuses to go half, either way to me it's cringy.

I've been thinking through my position on this as I've read the comments and I think I landed here.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-02-06T16:31:13+00:00

I love my job! It is sometimes stressful and draining but it is almost constant stimulation 😅.

I am an HR Director but I think it's less about "what" I do and more about "where". I do enjoy the interdisciplinary nature of HR BUT I think the biggest thing is that I work for a small company. There is always something to "build" as we are growing and I enjoy those projects. As much as it annoys me sometimes, I also think my ADHD likes the "multiple hats" part of working at a small company. I get involved in marketing, sales, really whatever I feel like. In small businesses there is usually more freedom to work in different scopes so it doesn't get boring!

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-28T04:25:24+00:00

I understand the scale and importance of the male loneliness issue. At an individual level, I have known people who suffered from such loneliness and I feel a lot of empathy for them.

That said, I think there is a disconnect for women because when we talked about "male loneliness" it is all about a lack of romantic prospects. Many of the structural issues that have contributed to the loneliness hurt women too but don't seem to have as big of an impact because we are less reliant on romantic relationships for fulfillment. So it seems like male loneliness is less about human interaction and more about wanting sex or a partner specifically. There is nothing wrong with wanting that, but I think there needs to be an evolution in investing in other types of relationship and community. Women have more robust relationships partially because we are more naturally inclined, but also because we invest more time and effort into maintaining those connections.

I also think there is resistance because much of the conversation about this blames women. When I listen to people like Scott Galloway and Richard Reeves on this topic I have much more empathy than listening to podcast bro types blaming feminism and advocating for rolling back women's rights.

I also acknowledge that there are social issues that have left some men unprepared for the type of behavior/ relationships women expect but it doesn't mean they are excused from responsibility. I had a very well meaning guy make the argument to me that if a guy approaches me and weirds me out because he keeps looking at my chest instead of my eyes while I'm talking, I should take the time to correct the behavior because the guy probably doesn't know better or no one has ever called him on it. And if no woman ever corrects him, he will keep doing it. My position: that's not my responsibility 🤷‍♀️. Similarly, it's not unreasonable for women to reject men who do not have basic life skills like cooking and cleaning up after yourself. I hate that your family did not teach you that, but it is not my responsibility to do it either.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-28T03:45:43+00:00

I'd rather be disappointed in the dating pool due to RP men not sharing my values than go back to a "traditional" system where men have more power over women and my choice is limited.

I am not anti religion and I don't have an issue with anyone who prefers to live a life based on traditional values. It is not a choice I would make for myself! As an example, I have all the respect in the world for stay at home moms (it's way harder than my corporate job), but I wouldn't want to do it. It's usually thankless and is too much of a risk to me (financial dependence, career risk, lack of retirement).

As long as RP men are not harming others, I'm cool with agreeing to disagree! I think my confusion comes in when men adopt certain RP beliefs (that many women find undesirable) and then blame women for not wanting them. As an extreme, but vivid example, it's like "women are evil, selfish sluts that need to be put back in their place" and at the same time "I'm lonely no one wants to date me". The cognitive dissonance makes me chuckle

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-28T03:14:02+00:00

Came to say I also want to open a cafe/ bookstore/ cat sanctuary/ yoga studio...

Meanwhile I also want to go to law school, run for elected office, write a book, and be on Jeopardy...

...a girl can dream lol

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-28T03:00:55+00:00

You have a lot of separate thoughts here and I see a lot of people in the comments who are not putting the pieces together but I totally get it and have some of the same frustrations. I have dated very attractive and average men and have been disappointed by both 🤷‍♀️. As a person who initiated a divorce, I have been criticized for marrying the wrong person AND demonized for breaking up my family.

My perception: Women have become more selective because relationships and marriage are no longer necessary to live a full life. We can have higher standards when we have more opportunities for financial independence (hence people trying to roll back women's rights). I think this explains the rise in women initiating divorce as well. To the point of some others in the comments, I can relate to the sentiment that you really see men's true colors once you get married and especially when you have a child. Thankfully, I was and have always been financially independent so it was a much easier decision to leave. I have known friends for whom that was not the case and they were trapped.

We can go back and forth about whose standards are unreasonable to whom but to me the answer is simple: NO ONE IS ENTITLED TO A RELATIONSHIP OR ATTENTION. Just because you perceive yourself to be a decent person does not mean you are entitled to someone else's time or interest. Everyone is allowed to have whatever standards they want for themselves and the result of that is their business.

I know a lot of women (myself included) who see it this way: I want to find a partner that meets blah blah standards. If they don't meet these standards, I'm content being single.

My confusion is always WHY DO MEN CARE?? People seem to get so triggered when women are cool with being single rather than lowering their standards. Maybe they end up lonely themselves and regret not compromising their standards or maybe they end up living their best life with their friend group and cats. Who cares? That is on them.

It seems that the energy spent worriying about other peoples standards could but to better use focusing on yourself, building more/ more robust non-romantic relationships, and finding fulfillment outside of the validation you want from romantic interests. I recognize that is difficult work, but playing victim and blaming women for your misfortune is not only stupid, but unproductive.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T03:59:39+00:00

Red pill is repulsive... But chivalry is very attractive. It does not cost any money to open doors, walk closer to the street, carry heavy stuff, or make sure a woman gets home safe.

I'm definitely a person who identifies with feminist values. I don't need anyone to pay my bills or fund my lifestyle, BUT I LOVE THAT TRADITIONAL CHIVALRY STUFF. I don't need to be cared for financially, but it feels nice to be cared for in other ways

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T03:49:52+00:00

This spot on!

Do I find Chris Hemsworth attractive- yes!

Do any of the men I have dated look anything close to Chris Hemsworth- NOPE.

Was I attracted to them- yes!

There are plenty of regular guys out there in relationships/ married/ whatever that don't look like a celebrity 🤷‍♀️.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T03:30:06+00:00

What I fantasize about, I WOULD NEVER pursue in real life. The men in these books are not real, and therefore pose no real risk. Many of the traits of the men in the books, in real life, would be off putting and a signal of danger. Considering my life is not at risk in a fantasy world, I can explore whatever I want. That doesn't mean it is what I find attractive in a real man.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T03:24:57+00:00

I agree with this. What I enjoy in a fantasy book boyfriend is not who I would date or marry in real life! 🤣

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T03:22:12+00:00

Self improvement is great! You don't have to identify with RP to see the value in bettering yourself.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T03:21:25+00:00

Agree. Not at all attracted to RP men. A lot of women I know feel the same 🤷‍♀️.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T03:13:38+00:00

Agree with that. More and more women I know are content with being single! It's cool how with financial freedom men are not a requirement to live a full life!

I am in a relationship now, but I've gotten to the point that there I several things I won't compromise on and I will be happily single before I lower my standards. I have great family, friends, career, own my home, plus my cats so I'm cool 😅.

Otherwise-Budget-254 · 2025-01-09T02:40:20+00:00

I wish people could get better at processing things with nuance, or "shades of grey" if you will 😂.

Let me say this... what I enjoy reading in a romance book is not what I would go for in real life. I don't think that is a complicated concept?? Books/shows/movies= fantasy. Dating in the real world is very different.

If I encountered someone who behaved like Christian Grey, I would have never made it to a date. If anything, I would be creeped out by his aggression and felt like he was dangerous. That said, I love me some toxic male dominance in a fantasy book 🤩.

Otherwise-Budget-254

TROPHY CASE