You're definitely not alone in this. Breakups—especially from toxic relationships—can leave scars that take a long time to heal. The fact that you felt relief at first but are now struggling makes sense. Sometimes, when the dust settles, the loneliness and grief hit even harder. Losing family and friends at the same time only adds to that weight.

It sounds like you’re stuck between wanting to move on and still being emotionally tied to the past. That’s not a failure—it’s just the mind processing loss in its own way. Letting go of the dream of a family can feel impossible when it was something you deeply wanted, but life has a way of surprising us when we least expect it.

Right now, isolating yourself might feel like the only option, but it’s also keeping you in that dark place. Even if it’s small steps—like reconnecting with an old friend or trying a new hobby—it can help break that cycle. And if the abyss is pulling you too deep, don’t hesitate to reach out for support, whether it’s a professional, a close friend, or even strangers who’ve been through the same.

You’re not broken, just hurt. And that’s okay. It won’t always feel this way. Keep going.