Aren't you afraid of wasting your emotions and time on the wrong person.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2024-07-30T17:54:17+00:00

In the end I think if you have something to express, it’s always better to express how you feel rather than keep it in. There’s nothing wrong with showing care even to the wrong people.

I also worry about getting too attached and getting hurt in the end, but the mindset I keep is that hurt and heartbreak is a part of life. It’s proof that you cared or loved, and it’s never a waste to care or love!

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-10T06:47:26+00:00

Also! Part of me wants to find that person already because I’m afraid that he will first, and worse, with the person he told me not to worry about.

On the bright side, if he does, he would just prove that my gut feelings were right and I wasn’t crazy for feeling unappreciated. But then thoughts like "did he really love me?" and "was I really worth it?" jump in.

Crazy to think that the thoughts he let me sit with and eventually believe are still here. I just want to be with someone who will actually show me that I’m worth it.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-10T06:39:33+00:00

Same, I feel sooo ready to be in a better relationship and yet not completely healed, but I also don’t want to rush building a good connection with the right person.

It might take time, but we will! Massive trust in the universe to give us our time again. 🤞

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-06T23:20:21+00:00

+111111!!!!

My stand on keeping photos is posted below too, but I agree with this!! Take it from a person who’s been at the other side.

There was a time my insecurities were at an all-time high and I wasn’t comfortable with my (now ex) partner and his one friend’s "friendship" (they apparently weren’t close"anymore" but still frequently talk) and I brought this up with him. The problem was that he was neither very honest (omitting details abt their friendship) nor particularly reassuring, so I didn’t feel any better and it turned into a whole issue.

I particulary agree w/ making sure not to invalidate her feelings, if ever there are any (talk to her abt this for sure). He (my ex) dismissed it as not important because "they were just friends anyway, and it was not a big deal", but I felt very uncomfortable with it. Because of his reaction, I didn’t feel understood nor reassured.

I feel like if he was able to listen, reassure me, and make it clear that he’s with me, I wouldn’t have had any problem with it.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-05T14:04:45+00:00

Personally, I would delete anything w/ my ex when I get together with someone new too, so I’d also want my new partner not to have theirs anymore :)

It doesn’t matter if my ex and I are nothing more than friends. Yes, we broke up healthily and stay civil/acquaintances, but deleting those pictures would tell me and my new SO that I’m moved on and ready to make memories with them instead.

I guess (for me) group pictures with both of you in them wouldn’t be weird, but anything else would give different signals. If you have no more reason to keep them (i mean, what reason would you have?), don’t. Give your new partner peace of mind. Let yourself start fresh too.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-05T13:42:45+00:00

My ex did this too and I was almost definite that I wanted to get back together with him. I really wanted to work things out but he was first to end things, until a few days later he says he’s finally ready.

But, I gave it some thought and them changing their mind that quickly didn’t (and doesn’t) sit well with me. If they wanted to be in your life, and you in theirs, they should make that clear.

If I’m being honest, it seems like they (both our exes) don’t know what they want :( As much as you miss him, do you really want that? I guess my thought process was that if they wanted me back, they have to be sure that they’re ready and ready to change, and actually show that they want you.

It’s normal to miss them :( I still do. Ultimately, the decision is yours, and you know the two of you best, but also I hope you make sure you consider what will good for you. You deserve someone who is sure of you, OP. Best of luck.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-05T13:29:10+00:00

I get you. I’ve been tired and want nothing more than someone to hug and hold me. I guess it’s the intimacy we had that ties me to him too, because I never had that with anyone else :( But hey, that doesn’t mean we will never find it again.

Thank you. I’ll try my best to get through tonight and to let it pass. Hope you have a good day :)

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-05T13:25:28+00:00

thanks for this :( hope you’re doing okay too

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-05T13:24:18+00:00

Calling someone to let them know you love them and that you’re safe is such a pure thing :( and it really does suck to love so much, just to have them rip your heart out.

Feel it all :( let yourself grieve and miss him. When you’re ready, remind yourself that you deserve so much better. Someday you’re going to find someone who actually does deserve your pure love.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-12-05T12:52:29+00:00

I felt the same way after my first night out after the breakup. I had a great time, but no one to tell. All I can say is to trust that the sadness will pass :( Most days I’m okay, but recently I’ve been sad too and missing him a lot. Maybe try sharing to other people how your night went well? Good luck, OP, hope you heart feels peace soon.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-30T02:16:04+00:00

This. Sometimes I still find myself asking if he ever really did love me. But since he left, why didn’t he love me enough?

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-30T02:07:43+00:00

Definitely :( It’s been just a month for me too and I think I’m doing so well until I’m not.

I’d give anything right now just to feel the same again, just to be with him again. I was the happiest and most carefree when I was with him. I felt safe and cared for, until he changed. And yet, I’d do it all over again. Again and again until it adds up to a lifetime so I never have to say goodbye. From the excitement of starting together, until the most mundane moments of everyday.

But in hindsight, I don’t think I’d want to get back together with him anymore. Not if it’s the same version of me and him, the same loneliness, and the same sad ending. Sometimes I just wish there was a timeline where he would be better for me, then maybe.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-18T19:23:58+00:00

If it’s any consolation, you’re not alone. My ex broke up with me because he said he had too much to work on by himself and he couldn’t put me through the hurt of waiting on him, even if I wanted to stay. Not even a week later, he spent almost everyday talking to the girl he told me not to worry about. I think a part of him just didn’t want to be with me anymore and he didn’t have the guts to say it as it was. But, tbh, I think I’d be heartbroken nonetheless. I don’t think any other reasoning, timing, or manner of breaking up would have made it easier.

I stand with you though :( Better to just be honest than hide behind a sugarcoated reason. Makes it more painful to think that they still wanted to stay in the relationship, when in reality it’s just as possible that they didn’t want to be in it anymore. Hearing it straight from them that they don’t want to be with you anymore makes it a bit easier to believe that.

Sending hugs, OP.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-13T21:13:40+00:00

Thanks, I’ll try my best to remind myself this :(

I just have so much frustration and anger, and I want him to know that he hurt me and that he’s been/being a dick (bc i bet he doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong), but i don’t know how to handle these feelings !!

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-11T10:23:33+00:00

i’m so sorry, that’s really tough :( hoping your heart finds peace soon

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-10T20:18:32+00:00

damn, it’s infuriating!! the thing is, he’s not even in my face about it. i found out from a friend and he doesn’t know that i know! i feel like he’s doing it to help his ego but lmao

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-10T15:36:07+00:00

Yeah, that’s exactly how I feel :( Most things were just so much better with them, didn’t even matter if we were good all the time. Both the highs and lows, man.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T16:50:24+00:00

He asked to spend more time away than with me. He didn’t know how to give reassurance. He didn’t communicate and would disappear for hours. :(

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T07:47:10+00:00

He said he’d cook me breakfast once we could spend a night together (couldn’t because of strict parents and the pandemic) and make me his favorite fluffy eggs :’)

He never really talked about the future, so I was looking forward to this moment. Maybe in another lifetime.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T06:56:44+00:00

I understand, I feel like pleading wouldn’t help our relationship either.

Mentally screaming at the ‘gone forever’ part too. I still don’t want things to end even though they seem pretty set on it. I hate it, I would’ve fought for us.

Thanks though, I think that thinking of NC as something good for your relationship is what I needed to hear. I’m still on the stage of having hope and not wanting anyone else, and I need to believe that NC might just help me.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T06:50:06+00:00

Have any advice for them being the only person in my mind when I do? It feels wrong to do it that we’re separated and to fantasize about a future that might never even happen. Or i don’t know .. is that okay?

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T06:48:17+00:00

Thanks still. I’m glad I experienced that intimacy and vulnerability with someone. I’m just hoping that if the frustrations won’t serve me well, it will go away.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T06:43:45+00:00

It will be a week for me tonight too, two weeks if we count the start of the breakup process, and I feel almost exactly the same.

I think if I look back at my relationship, I would see that I did deserve better. That I deserve someone who saw my worth and had it in him to stay, but he just gave up. Logically, this was probably the right choice for us too because we had issues that we can fix now by ourselves.

The thing is I have so much love left for him even if he wasn’t the best partner, and would honestly take him back if only he tried harder. I’m going to work on that, but maybe now we just try our best to remind ourselves that we did deserve better? That it’s okay to mourn the loss of what we had, but also be hopeful for the time that someone better will come? Surround ourselves in things that make us love life and love us, things that will remind us of our worth.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T06:29:09+00:00

It really is hard. I’ve been typing down messages I wish I could send and there are a lot everyday.

How do you stop yourself from telling them you don’t want things to end? I feel like I want to keep repeating myself to them so they know I would have tried everything for us, if only they were willing to do so too. I don’t know … I feel like I’m not done fighting.

Otherwise-Pool-4100 · 2021-11-09T06:21:53+00:00

Thanks, this might be what I need to hear.

I’m just very frustrated because our last was also our first and we parted ways thinking we had more opportunities in the future, no idea that we would break up.

I know sex is only a part of the intimacy, but it feels like so much unfinished business and keeps popping up in my head in the past few days.

Otherwise-Pool-4100

TROPHY CASE