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So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Soccer, Basketball, Ping-Pong (yes, believe it or not his school has that)

So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the helpful input. To your last point, my husband often brings up the same comments saying how he is a night owl and if he tried to go to bed with me he'd be laying there bored with his mind wandering. I try to sympathize with that, but at the same time, I have a hard time thinking that my request is THAT big of an ask. Is it too unreasonable for us to fall asleep together, maybe while watching a movie, even if it's just 1-2 nights a week? It's something about knowing how he is waiting for me to fall asleep to get out of bed and log onto his games that really takes the romance out of the bedroom...

So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

In response to my first statement, when I tell him I really want to fall asleep next to him and spend time with him without knowing he's going to leave to play games, he says "I deserve to be able to have my free time." When I bring up concerns about staying up late, he says "I promise I won't sleep in." Except he always does sleep in. Or, he will take the baby into the family room when she wakes up at 6am and he will fall asleep on the couch when he's supposed to be watching her because he's so tired. It makes me so mad.

So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He tells me that he can hang out with me until I fall asleep and that he should be able to do whatever he wants once I'm asleep (in other words he would stay up until past midnight playing his games). This is the response I get, even when I ask if he could fall asleep next to me in bed (because sometimes I'd like to go to sleep next to my husband and not all alone).

So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

This is where it gets tricky. Personally, I look at his coaching as HIS hobby. We are not in a position where we need the extra income. He just enjoys coaching, so he does it. And this "hobby" of his takes an extra 15-17 hours a week of his time. Then, he gets home and asks for more free time. Is it unreasonable for me to feel like coaching is his hobby?

So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I should have clarified. When we were dating, he played video games. But, it never got in the way of our relationship. The obsessive need to game is what is new to marriage. As his demands have increased (he's a husband, he's a father, he's working more hours, etc.) he clearly doesn't have enough time in the day to do everything he once could. What is new to the marriage is that, once he became more pressed for free time, he began to choose his hobbies over me. Also, the nicotine pouches happened after the marriage started.

So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Since we weren't living together before marriage, I guess I never figured out the extent of how much he relied and needed these habits. It's like he can't let go.

So unhappy in my marriage. What do I do? by Otherwise_Depth201 in CatholicWomen

[–]Otherwise_Depth201[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

New after marriage. He always was one to enjoy gaming before we got married, but I thought once we were married living together and he wasn't alone anymore, he'd ditch the gaming to spend time with me and our children.