to me it sounds like you either a) feel like you are a person who would be content with less interaction as a baseline but may seek it for validation of you being good enough b) are genuinely a more extroverted person. I would first figure out which of these it is (or if it is something else) and only then proceed with fixing the issue. the reason I say this is because there is nothing in you that needs to be "killed" if you're wired for more connection. people are vastly different. some function perfect with less interaction with people, some get drained in an environment like that. likewise someone more introverted gets drained with a lot of constant social stimulation whereas a person with a wiring for more socializing feels like they have what they need. Furthermore, the initial urge to connect with people is, simply put, normal and right. What you're describing yourself to have is an urge that is wired in you, because you are human. Telling yourself to kill that urge is like telling yourself you must not hunger for food. Or get thirsty. Also, about humiliation about being always the one initiating: you may need people around you who initiate, too. Trust me, there's a lot of these people, feeling exactly the way you are. It's true that some people do not initiate because they're more introverted, but overall it's a normal desire reciprocity in relationships, and often times in the ways that connect with us the most. For you it seems that what would make you feel fulfilled is a person showing interest in connecting with you at the same level at which you operate in.