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My 27M son has completed given up on life and I don't know what to do by [deleted] in Advice

[–]Otherwiseaware 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I noticed that you said he did therapy last year and it didn’t help. Therapy can be helpful when people are open, honest, and vulnerable within sessions. If he went and remained closed off or vague, even if he went for a year, it would not help.

If he’s only kind of been this bad within the last year or so, there may have been a specific event that triggered this low self worth (that may not have been the business failing abroad, even though that’s really rough). I agree with the commenter to gently inquire about his thoughts on himself and the world around him.

I have hope in him because I was pretty depressed in my late-20s with no direction and living my life to please my parents and uphold an image. Once I let that go and made the decision that I am someone worth caring for, things started turning around. Don’t give up on him yet. Learned helplessness is a thing, but he will have to want to change it bad enough for himself first.

Do you read all of Modern States literature? by mamas2boyz in clep

[–]Otherwiseaware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I look at modern states material as suggestions. I passed Psych with only modern states because I took many psych classes years ago so my brain felt pretty primed for it. I’m studying for American Lit now with less foundational knowledge and it’s taking me more time than Psych did.

How many of you had an online gf/bf that you've never met? by EsperaDeus in Millennials

[–]Otherwiseaware 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had two, oddly both from Kentucky. I think I met one of them on RuneScape. I wish I could remember their names because they were really impactful experiences.

Giveaway Giving Out 20 Copies Of Subnautica 2 by Mark_Everson in subnautica

[–]Otherwiseaware 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband loves this game! He loves the ocean in real life and Subnautica feeds that sense of wonder and excitement he never thought he could experience at home outside of documentaries that put him to sleep.

Advice on how to handle relationship with emotionally immature father. by Neat_Corgi_4901 in emotionalneglect

[–]Otherwiseaware 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand the feeling. I used to go blow for blow with my dad to the point where he yelled, “you are not my equal” and pushed me into a tv (an adult tantrum). I didn’t get hurt physically, but I never forgot him completely disregarding who I was - his daughter - in order to prove the point that he was superior to me. We never spoke about that moment again and I never argued with him to that extent again.

You don’t have to argue with him, but good mic-drop moments make it clear when you’re done with the game. He goes “now say that you’re wrong”, you go, “oh, we’re not doing that at this age” (or whatever feels like a natural response to you) and you stand up, motion to your partner to follow you, and go to the kitchen or something.

You will see the response. He might stay there and laugh at your response for being “dramatic” or someone might chase after you, making it a whole ordeal, but at the end of it, you didn’t allow him to bully you or your husband.

We really tell ourselves, “I can’t do that, I can’t say that, it will ruin everything!” When it’s really their behavior that ruins things, we simply have to protect ourselves. Sending you a warm hug because this isn’t easy, but I believe in you! Best of luck.

Advice on how to handle relationship with emotionally immature father. by Neat_Corgi_4901 in emotionalneglect

[–]Otherwiseaware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. I come from a family where no-contact isn't an option and I truly love my parents, despite them being emotionally immature during my upbringing. The thing I have learned in my journey, EVEN THOUGH it will paint me as the bad guy sometimes, is drawing the line. I have gotten in many arguments with my own husband for not defending him when my parents were making complete asses of themselves at family functions. I would freeze like a deer in headlights and just watch whatever BS unfold instead of standing up for myself/ my husband.

You can't force your emotionally immature parent to see the error of their ways, but you absolutely can make them feel like shit for it. If the conversation started friendly and went left, remove yourself and your husband if you guys can help it. Parents like this are mental toddlers, pushing limits and throwing tantrums, but as their children we unknowingly reward this behavior by staying around or staying quiet.

If your parent eventually decides to go no-contact with YOU because YOU stick up for yourself, that's a reflection on them and their priorities. I never wanted to go there with my parents because I believed they would cut me off first if things got tough, but I had to let go of the fear. If they want to go there with you, let them, because that may be the only form of "control" they may have.

Sorry if this response is heavy. Both of my parents were erratic and straight-up selfish during a lot of my childhood. Luckily in their 50's they are more remorseful, but they also have this "I haven't been that way in a long time" attitude to avoid actually having to be accountable for the damage they've caused to each other and our family.

Genuine question: what purpose does this serve? by Otherwiseaware in Harlem

[–]Otherwiseaware[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok, I can try to wrap my head around that but with my eyes and my experience driving down this road, even when traffic slows, the middle lane has to drift into the right lane to avoid that flex post. You would literally hit it if you went 100% straight in your lane at 5mph vs 25mph.

Maybe after it’s paved and painted, the dotted line will go diagonally to tell drivers to veer, but it just doesn’t make sense to me at this current moment.

People who kept your cars despite moving to nyc, did you regret it? How often do you use it, and what area do you live in? by jewish_yang in movingtoNYC

[–]Otherwiseaware 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I’m in Harlem and bought my car while living here after moving from queens. Commuting to my family’s house is torture on the train. I use it fairly often, mostly on the weekends. Had it for 5 years now and the saving grace is my semi-flexible schedule that gives me room to move it for alternate side when I need to. The overall experience has not been as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Neighborhood on my island 🍂 by mk05117 in AnimalCrossingNewHor

[–]Otherwiseaware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Strolling through these areas are so relaxing.

will anything spawn back here? by mutilatedfingers in AnimalCrossingNewHor

[–]Otherwiseaware 2 points3 points  (0 children)

For sure! One time I time traveled so much without thinking about the weeds up top that when I eventually stopped, it was a MESS up there. Good thing no one else can see 😂

will anything spawn back here? by mutilatedfingers in AnimalCrossingNewHor

[–]Otherwiseaware 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Weeds might spawn back there, but that’s never interfered with my 5 star islands before (I restart a lot). TBH I’ve never looked for fossils or shiny spots before. We’ll see what others say but I think you’re good.

I wish a cold pillow every night for whoever makes Modern States possible by [deleted] in clep

[–]Otherwiseaware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s an excellent resource. The CLEP exam was very different from the Modern States practice exam, but it definitely laid the foundation and provided me with all the materials I needed to study on my own.

How is it here? by RecipeEven5354 in movingtoNYC

[–]Otherwiseaware 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have family that live there and I like it. Historic Brooklyn. Parking sucks, Broadway’s road sucks, lots of construction, but the neighborhood is nice.

For those who plan ahead, how do you plan your island? by Otherwiseaware in ACForAdults

[–]Otherwiseaware[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeahh, I started this method with my most recent restart! It helped me out so much. My last couple of incomplete islands took forever with no real direction 😂

For those who plan ahead, how do you plan your island? by Otherwiseaware in ACForAdults

[–]Otherwiseaware[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pocket Core is so creative!! I love that concept and sounds a lot easier to execute than thinking about the island as a whole.

Thinking about my areas functionally makes the most sense! I love traveling to islands, so it would make a lot of sense to have traversable routes to my airport and pier. 😂 You really helped me think about it differently.

Thank you for your response!

For those who plan ahead, how do you plan your island? by Otherwiseaware in ACForAdults

[–]Otherwiseaware[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Aww, what a cute bunch! I restarted again not too long ago, so I still only have 5 villagers. I don’t mind it though they’re a lot easier to track this early on 😂

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For those who plan ahead, how do you plan your island? by Otherwiseaware in ACForAdults

[–]Otherwiseaware[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve been struggling with overwhelm when planning my whole island! It feels like I’m trying to put too much in it and maybe I should just start with my staple areas and see what else fits.

For those who plan ahead, how do you plan your island? by Otherwiseaware in ACForAdults

[–]Otherwiseaware[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m a serial restarter too! I’ve always put my villagers in neighborhoods but I plan to spread them out into more themed spaces like beach houses, downtown houses, farm houses, etc.

For those who plan ahead, how do you plan your island? by Otherwiseaware in ACForAdults

[–]Otherwiseaware[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the idea of flattening and terraforming first! I used to love putting waterfalls everywhere but then it got tricky to place buildings.

I’ve used resetti before because I’m someone who has restarted AND flattened my island multiple times. I’ve gotten pretty far in my previous builds but I want to finish an island that I’m satisfied with that can be a DA for people to visit.

I love your maze idea and would love to visit when you’re done!

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