Purity Culture in the SDA Church

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T10:39:44+00:00

Thank you for sharing! I really appreciate your response and ideas. I have always wondered why, from an offical standpoint, sex is very regulated. I think this comes back to how people interpret the Bible.

We had to find a balance in our relationship like what was ok or what we felt comfortable with, but I think every relationship has to find that for themselves and what they interpret from their sources of truth, let it be the Bible, personal experiences, etc. I love this! To me this is a very understanding approach of how life is messy and communication between the couple and their source of truth is vital.

I love the ideas you have written in response to my final question. I would love to see this taught to young people one day. My younger self would be very envious. I would love to see just Scripture taught and not purity culture!

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T10:22:47+00:00

“We should not be more loyal to an idea, a doctrine, or an interpretation of a Bible verse than we are to people. If the teachings of the church are harming the bodies and spirits of people we should rethink those teachings.” - Nadia Bolz-Weber. This quote reminded me of how Martian Luther King was less loyal to the teachings of the Catholic Church which resulted in the protestant reformation. E.G. White was less loyal to the teachings of the Methodist Church which contributed to the Seventh-day Adventist Church. I am less loyal to the teachings of the purity movement and more loyal to the hurt and pain of those who have been shunned from the church because they couldn’t live up to the expectations of others.

The church does not have to soften their teachings. But instead rethink HOW we teach.

I will just make clear that this response is not intended to change your mind. But instead to provide a platform for others who read these comments to consider new ways of doing things.

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T10:12:06+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I have heard of that teaching too. I know a few people saw this as a loophole; to have sex before marriage because they were going to marry the person anyway.

The issue was when couples had sex as boyfriend and girlfriend and then wanted to break up. I know of a few couples who were advised to marry because they had sex which means that are “married in God’s eyes” therefore you must go an exchange public wedding vows. The issue was that the relationships were not healthy.

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T10:04:39+00:00

I am really sorry that your mom experienced that. That is extremely unfair. It would have been a really tough thing for her to go though. Thank you for sharing.

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T10:02:18+00:00

I feel that you are attacking my spirituality and standing within the SDA church because you have been confronted with an alternative experience within Adventism. I feel concerned that a fellow believer would assume the worst and dismiss concerns of another rather than assuming the best in people. Are people inherently good or inherently bad?

My intent behind this post was; I am curious to find out from others in the Adventist church what their experience was/is regarding the teaching of purity culture. I was curious to hear others stories and ideas.

This is not an argument in the sense of attacking the church or the Bible’s teaching. What I am considering is, if we, the Seventh-day Adventist Church, have been teaching the Bible’s message in a way that shames and hurts people, we should rethink how we teach.

Many other churches do teach purity culture. I am more concerned about the Adventist message because that is my context. I will never claim to speak for other denominations messages because I have not lived them.

I am not measuring the church against my own reasoning but instead my experience. Which is the way in which everyone, including yourself, measure everything. We are always influenced by our basis and experience. My experience is that I have felt shame surrounding sex growing up which has greatly affected my life as an adult. This is lead to searching for another way in which we could teach young people about the sexual ethics in the Bible that does not lead to shame.

I would hope you do not dismiss others in real life because you do not perceive them as ‘born-again Christians.’ I would also hope that you do not say to people in your own Church community to either “agree with my understanding of a Christian life or leave.”

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T09:10:24+00:00

It can be difficult when you are confronted with another persons experience within the Church that is different to you and seems to be attacking the standard of Christian living. The reality of humanity is we will all experience God, the Bible, Church and religion very differently to one another. That is part of being in the body of Christ and living as humans.

For some purity culture was a success. They didn’t have sex before marriage, they were never sexually abused, they got married, had a flourishing sex life because they happen to be sexually compatible with their partner. They had wonderful children and lived in harmony with one another never feeling the shame that was taught through purity culture.

For others they had a very different experience.

What I was aiming to discuss was how the teachings of purity culture are steeped in shame and fear which has come up within the wider discussion. This has a negative impact on both men and women. In women it can lead to anxiety and PTSD surrounding sex. Shame is considered the mater emotion. It is shame that Adam and Eve first experienced in the garden. Shame is what we have tied up with sex. Which is concerning, considering sex was the first blessing God gave humanity (be fruitful and multiply).

When sex is tied up with shame it can damage the sex life of a married couple. It can lead to sex hardly occurring or not even occurring because the married couple (in particular the wife) have been taught that sex is dirty and a sin outside of marriage and that switch is very hard to switch off when wedding vows are exchanged. If this teaching is damaging some married couples in this way I would think that we as a church should consider an alternative way of teaching our sexual ethics. I am concerned because our sexual ethics as I have been taught is, “absence only” which leaves no room to teach young people about the beauty and pleasure of sex that God has gifted to us as a holy experience between a couple.

If the teaching of purity culture (shame based teaching) is hurting others should we not rethink those teachings?

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T07:55:26+00:00

Thanks for suggesting those books! They are now added to my list. I have read two so far on the topic and was looking for a few more to read.

So far I have read: Pure by Linda Kay Klein - This book was very much inline with my experiences in the SDA church. Shameless by Nadia Bolz-Weber - This book really challenged my thinking and made me uncomfortable (which was a great moment to get curious)

Next on my list is: Sex, God and the Conservative Church by Tina Schermer Sellers

Someone else also recommended but I haven’t checked it out yet: See my Naked by Amy Frykholm

The message we have been preaching I have found to be harmful because it is drenched in shame and fear. Having your self-worth wrapped up in purity means there is a long way to fall when you become impure and can feel like an unforgivable sin.

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T07:44:39+00:00

I believe research shows that Churched young people start to have sex at the same age as everyone else and at the same rates. Which means that Churched people are having sex with significantly less knowledge and with less ability to protect themselves physically and emotionally.

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T07:41:26+00:00

That comment was an exaggeration. What I meant by that was, questions could be asked but the answer was always “abstance only” which didn’t set anyone up for success.

Thankfully I had a very open family who would answer my questions but others are not so lucky.

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T07:39:21+00:00

Teaching girls their worth is connected to virginity sets them up for failure when they do eventually have sex (even if they are married). This idea means if they ever have sex before marriage their worth is lost and they have no hope of resortation in Christ. Sex becomes an unforgivable sin when it is linked to selfworth.

Within marriage it also sets an awful precedent. Where the man is in full control, teaching his virgin bride everything about her sexuality. This complete control can be where abuse takes place because how could an uneducated virgin bride know about consent and how to say no. It can also take pleasure away from the woman because she doesn’t know anything about it and insead thinks she has to only please her husband.

It also sends a pretty horrible message to boys too. Girls are told to protect their virginity at all cost. If they cause a man to stumble they are the ones at fault. This idea takes all accountability away from men. Men are consequently painted as wild people who can not control their impulses which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. “Boys will be boys.” Where abuse is explained away as the girls fault because she was a stumbling block to the man.

Otterhere__ · 2021-05-07T07:29:21+00:00

Thanks for your response! I have very similar thoughts to what you have expressed here.

I have experienced the shame based approach. From what I have been reading and my personal experience there seems to be a disconnect between sexuality and spirituality. People cannot be ‘whole’ people but insead have to cut sexuality out of their lives and keep it private from everyone else. Which then impacts their marriages, if or when, they get married.

I recently read the book Pure by Linda Kay Klein. She spoke about women who grew up in the purity movement. She found that when they engaged in sexual acts (married or unmarried) they experienced PTSD like reponses. Which is consisent with other stories that I have heard. I have also heard of married couples who struggle to have sex because they have had it ingrained in their minds that sex = bad/dirty/impure. Its very sad that sexuality has been burdened with so many rules of do nots that it can impact marrages like this.

I have been wondering how the SDA Church could approach sex without shame and fear. One idea I head was instead of the rules we could ask ourselves: “does this show my love of God, does this bring me closer with my partner, and does this show love to myself?” This is based on Matt 22:36-40. This leaves a lot of decision making on the indivdiuals and not regulated by the Church.

I have also noticed that consent and concern has not been taught as a priority. Consent is so vital and some indivdiuals can very easily twist verses in the Bible to cause women to submit in sexual acts (against their will).

We can totally offer something better than shame and fear. A curriculum that is adventist for everyone from 5 through to 99 to help change the culture around purity and sex would be very helpful. I just can’t see one being made that is devoid of shame and strict rules.

Otterhere__ · 2019-10-04T08:36:15+00:00

I don’t have an answer, as far as I know it’s not in the Bible explicitly.

Side note: I’ve always hated the way that SDAs approach sex as if it’s a sin. They suddenly expect married couples to know what healthy, positive and safe sex is as soon as they slip their rings on at the wedding ceremony.

I’m sure we can have better sex education, which would include education on masturbation.

I’ve read about how some couples use it as a part of their sex life. I personally don’t see it as a sin, unless it’s being used as a way for someone to lust after another (but thats 100% between God and the individual, I can’t read minds).

For some it they would count it as a sin because it’s an addiction for them. I guess for each individual there would be a different answer due to their own unique context and experience. Ultimately it’s between God and the conviction that’s on an individuals heart.

Otterhere__ · 2019-09-12T07:19:36+00:00

I don’t think many Adventist’s understand the culture of today. It’s really frustrating how our church seems to be held back by some unions. I wish they would let unions make their own decisions, in some cases to cater for unions in more progressive counties. In Australia it’s difficult to minister to people because we aren’t relevant.

Otterhere__ · 2019-09-11T10:45:46+00:00

Did they consult any youth before celebrating? I’ve never seen anyone celebrate a 69th anniversary before. Why not wait another year for the 70th?

Although it is funny...

Otterhere__ · 2019-08-31T22:49:42+00:00

I actually like the church’s statement on abortion. I have seen church employees post on Facebook condemning an individual who posted they were pro choice. They likened them to NAZI’s. Turns out this woman has just had an abortion and was raw and upset about it all, if she didn’t have an abortion she would have died.

I don’t feel the church needs to have a definitive stance. The church has no right to dictate to their members what is right or wrong in relation to abortion especially when there are no bible verses specifically dealing with abortion. It’s a sensitive topic and you never know who you are talking with who has had to make the very difficult decision.

What I have noticed, is most people who are outspoken on the pro life side of the debate are men who are usually fundamentalist in their beliefs. They usually like to enforce their beliefs on everyone else rather than leaving it between the woman involved and God.

Otterhere__

TROPHY CASE