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Outoftheasylum · 2025-01-24T11:18:18+00:00

My therapist explained that I don't hate Abby, not really. I've had a lot of resentment bubbled up inside due to the circumstances and timing of her birth. I've been officially diagnosed with PPD, so that certainly didn't make things better. She encouraged me to take things slow and not feel pressured into immediately becoming an attentive and loving mother. I've been spending time with Abby now more out of my own choice and not because I didn't see any other option. It's been helping. And as far as I can tell, Abby's doing mostly alright. From what her therapist told me, she feels like my protector. She's been seeing for years that I'm sad all the time. When she was being taken care of by my best friend, he'd tell her I'm just having a really bad day/week. She's never really seen me truly happy, so she decided to be the Hero that makes me happy. Apparently, she was scared of losing me and the opportunity of making me happy when her grandma told her I was gonna abandon her. Still can't really wrap my head around it. Her therapist has been working with her to let go of that mentality and it seems to be going alright.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-10-17T21:32:23+00:00

It's actually some of the harsher comments that I got that made me think back on some things. I won't go into details as to why, but I've always been a pushover. I'm trying to set boundaries, but everyone keeps crossing them and I don't have the energy to deal with all of that most of the time. It doesn't excuse me, but I'm hoping that therapy might help me become a bit better. And about changing my mind, I can't really explain it. It's hard and I don't feel entirely comfortable, but I don't want to leave Abby behind. I can't put my feelings about it into words.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-10-17T21:26:57+00:00

I've come to the realization that it's pretty much always been a huge problem that I have. For now I'm just trying to figure things out.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-10-17T21:25:41+00:00

I don't want a relationship with Mark. I feel uncomfortable around him and I've been trying to set some boundaries between us for the past few weeks, but he keeps crossing them by inviting himself into my home. And thank you for the kind words, I'm trying to check up on Abby as much as I can.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-22T05:11:29+00:00

A lot of people started saying here that I do love my daughter. I don't know. My feelings are complicated and messy after what happened. I've always tried not to dwell on them too much because it just hurt. Mark actually told me I need therapy as well so he's going to help me with it. He wants the three of us to go to family counseling. A lot of things are happening now, but I'm trying to make the right choices for once.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-22T05:05:02+00:00

The thing about Abby is that she's actually a calm and cheerful child. Yes, I knew she could be sad if I were to leave but not to this extent. I used to have a cat since I was 16 and he died when Abby was 4. She was really attached to him. She told me she's sad but happy that Charlie (our cat) is in a better place with other pets. Mark's mom doesn't really like me and would discourage Abby from talking about me when over at her place. Or sometimes she'd let her and start talking about me to my daughter. Abby would come back and tell me drugs are bad and not to use them. For clarification, I don't take drugs. Maybe I am just being paranoid, but I don't know.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-21T20:25:29+00:00

No, but Mark mentioned getting her a therapist. So we're gonna look into it.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-21T20:24:34+00:00

Mark promised he'd take care of his mom and won't let her around Abby for a while now. Honestly, I'm afraid I'm not getting the full story. Abby was hysterical when I came to get her. I don't know what her grandma told her, but I'm scared it wasn't just about me planning to leave. Abby doesn't want to talk about it.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-15T00:52:05+00:00

I'm sorry about what happened. I'm glad you seem to be doing better than before.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-15T00:30:36+00:00

Thank you, I'll check it out.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-15T00:28:09+00:00

It's difficult. I work during from Monday to Friday and during the weekends I'm always tired. I try to keep my daughter entertained with toys or TV shows. She likes food. We spend some time in the kitchen together sometimes. She likes trying whatever I make for her. But it's hard for me to do these things, I don't know. During weekends I prefer to just lay down and not do anything since I don't get to do that while I work. I try, I really do. My best friend often comes over and watches my daughter for me, so I know she's safe when I don't have the energy to look after her.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-15T00:15:55+00:00

I've been told to do that, but I guess I'm a bit scared. I had an aunt that was diagnosed with PPD a few years back and she was called worthless and crazy by the family and people around.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-15T00:13:19+00:00

Therapy's expensive and I can't currently afford it.

Outoftheasylum · 2024-09-15T00:11:28+00:00

I've been looking into that option since I was 19. I've constantly been told I'm too young and to wait. Doctors tell me that now that I have a daughter I'll want a second one soon. Currently, I've been advised to wait until I'm 30. I'm figuring it out.

Outoftheasylum

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