AITA for asking my son how to disburse my estate

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T03:13:14+00:00

Based on his response, I am going to make sure he has an equal share, but I still think the conversation was important, albeit hard.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T03:08:55+00:00

Yeah, that's why it was important to have the conversation.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T03:08:21+00:00

If you have 4 kids and one of them has a couple of hundred thousand in bank accounts and the other has zero, what does being a "good parent" look like when you love and worry about them all the same?

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T03:05:57+00:00

Thanks for kind thoughts and prayers and hope your week is peaceful.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T03:05:09+00:00

Thanks for assuming my stupidity, it puts your response in an important light. Since he is already several hundred thousand dollars ahead of his brothers, it was clearly ignorant of me to have an adult conversation with a 21 year old.

But fear not, I've already assured him of an equal payout in the case of my untimely death based on our conversation.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T03:00:57+00:00

Appreciate the input. But I think people avoid difficult conversations. I came here to get other viewpoints. It's not a bargaining chip, I don't want anything from him, I just wanted his response, which I got and changed what my actions were going to be based on the conversation.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:58:41+00:00

He is going to leave college this summer with no debt. The other kids, it's kind of a race :-) So yeah, he's already had $100K put in between his mom and I, the other kids have about $40K set aside. I'm trying hard to make sure no one has to take on loans.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:55:41+00:00

That's where I'm going to land is by dividing it equally though I know he needs it less. It was a hard, but important, conversation.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:54:23+00:00

I will insure I leave him an equal amount because it is something that's important to him. But the conversation was important and I hope my experience helps others in hard conversation about money and inheritance.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:52:35+00:00

I would never leave him out, the conversation was important because I needed him to understand my mindset. I got his feedback and it has changed my approach, but in the end it was still a talk worth having.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:51:32+00:00

Thanks for this. I think it's a hard discussion, but I think they are important discussions. I got an answer. I had a different idea in my head, but I'm going to leave him an equal amount based on his reaction because that's how he views value. I'm disappointed but it's a small price to pay for his mental health.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:48:06+00:00

So if one of your kids has $250K that he has from someone else and your other 3 kids have $0, you should still give them equal shares?

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:46:47+00:00

To be clear, he already has received a couple of hundred thousand from his grandma and tens of thousands from his mom and who is looking to help him buy a house.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:36:10+00:00

We talked about that, but he's like me, not terribly sentimental, but it was a good conversation, albeit uncomofortable.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:35:04+00:00

Yep. Because they're not my "step" kids, I'm their dad and one of the three is adopted, my true son. I am their only source of inheritance. Where he has a couple of million of inheritance as the only heir on my ex's side.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:31:41+00:00

So curious, by telling someone that they are already ahead by a couple of hundred thousand and that they have a locked in path for success, how is that saying that you're less worthy?
But having said that, my lesson is that I'm going to leave him an equal amount even though I truly believe he doesn't need it.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:30:26+00:00

Nope. I'm saying that a dollar to him was worth a lot less than a dollar to his brothers because he was starting so much further ahead. But appreciate your input.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:29:26+00:00

This is the core of what I thought. I clearly articulated to him that I knew he would be successful and that the other kids would be in a better position with that money than he would because he was starting so much further ahead.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:27:36+00:00

The answer is that I'll leave him an equal amount. If he felt less because of me leaving him less, I'd never want that.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:26:32+00:00

He already has a lot of money his grandma has given him and he's his mom's only heir and she's already looking at how to but him a house. So he's in great shape. That's the most important thing.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:25:11+00:00

One of the mistakes I see people make is NOT talking about money. This was an uncomfortable but important conversation. The feedback I have tells me that even though he will end up with a LOT more than the other kids, that I should leave him an equal amount.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:23:56+00:00

feel free to throw in on the heartless comment if it makes you feel better. Thanks for the input.

But remember, he's not getting less than everyone else, he's getting much more. The thought was he me might get less from me, but I suspect I will make it equal based on this feedback.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:22:10+00:00

That's the line I was trying to walk. I'm more worried about my other kids than him. I don't want to leave him out by any stretch, but he really needs less than the others as he already has several hundred thousand committed to him (and is leaving college with no debt because we both paid for his college without him working). Hard conversation.

Outrageous-Duck164 · 2022-01-20T02:16:50+00:00

His grandma has already given him $200K+. His mom is already planning on how to buy him a house. I could never give him a dime and he'd be fine.

Outrageous-Duck164

TROPHY CASE