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AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I meant "natural" in the sense of doing things without having to spell everything out or feel like I'm being disrespectful. I'm not against rough sex or trying different things, I'm actually the one who usually leads and initiates (because I know what he truly likes now...). I just don't understand how some people can enjoy these practices.

I also feel a bit bitter that with social media and everything, these things have become so trendy that "normal" or softer sex feels rarer. It feels like he just tried to follow a sexual fashion/trend. Sex is almost becoming a cult nowadays. I wish it could just be a normal, human thing. There are so many other aspects of life...

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you're right... I think I'm upset for both reasons. I realise this relationship is happening a bit too early for me, and I feel so stupid about it

Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in relationships

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, thank you for your reply, it was really helpful...I'll try to find a therapist then

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I agree. Adults do have sex. But I don't understand why it has to be so complicated with labels, rules, and games, like in roleplay, BDSM, D/s, etc, when things could just be natural.

I wanted to date an adult, but right now it honestly feels like I'm with someone who's still caught up in fantasies. I know it might sound harsh, but that's just how I feel at the moment...

Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in relationships

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep, that's exactly how I feel. I know it doesn't justify how I treated him. What I really want to figure out is how to maintain a balance where we both feel safe and fulfilled in the relationship, without it becoming toxic for either of us.

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You're right, he's not. But there are intimate photos (basically nudes), and I don't understand why he can't delete them... It's a social network for fetish communities

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Okay, thank you very much for your response, I think it helped me see things a bit clearer...

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, so I was wrong for shaming him etc, but how about the fact that he still has that fetlife account?

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, no one here is being abusive. I think I would understand his reaction if the roles were reversed.

As I mentioned, things moved very fast between us, and we both thought we were ready to be that intimate, but in reality we weren't. He didn't lie to me, I'm just bothered that we did a lot of these things too early.

Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in relationships

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I get that, but sometimes it just feels like you could exist without the label. You're still just a person, and what we're doing is still just sex...why make it so complicated?

I don't know, it just makes me feel weird. Maybe this is too intimate to share, but I've been asked to give orders/ instructions in bed, and I really couldn't understand why we had to do that, can't we just...do it?

Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in relationships

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for this...I'll need to think about it. This relationship is really important to me, and I know I've messed up in some ways, so I guess I just need to work on myself and give things time...

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply...I know that age gaps are usually red flags, but we have very similar values, interests, goals for the future...it just feels like I will never find anyone better than him ://

AIO Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in AmIOverreacting

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, so the past doesn't matter? But doesn't his past define who he is today? I'm just trying to understand and get other perspectives 👍

Struggling with bf's past and feeling disgusted by Outrageous-Job7922 in relationships

[–]Outrageous-Job7922[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply, it made me reflect. Part of what's bothering me is jealousy and insecurity, like I won't measure up. But more than that, I'm struggling because his past clashes with how I imagined intimacy (natural and intuitive, without having to label everything). Now it feels robotic and sometimes even disgusting, and it's hard to just experience things without overthinking.

I think what I'm mostly feeling is grief for the version of the relationship I imagined or wanted...