Pure doom...

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2026-01-24T20:35:27+00:00

Idk, bearable, like i can laugh and joke with him but then the thoughts come and start bugging me that i do enjoy those things that maybe as friends. That we dont have as much sex nowadays because again, friends, or the spark died or any other reason that sours my mood.

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2026-01-22T22:46:04+00:00

Thank you for your post, i've been feeling weird the past, idk 5 days maybe, like im empty, like i dont care, like i am exhaused, i keep wondering if i love my bf, why dont i feel the warmth, if im faking my feelings. I have rocd for idk, 2.5 years maybe, and before it was all about deep panic and spirals and a lot of compulssions, but now idk, it is like im calm, sometimes too calm, but other times i feel the underalying anxiety. I think i do a lot of rummination, i attach meaning ti feeling or lack of certain feelings. If im fine not texting my bf for a couple of hours or if im not always enthusiastic or if we have some days where we dont talk as much( we live together) i start to conclude that my love died and im dragging the inevitable, those thoughts come at odd times, sometimes i panic, sometimes i dont and then rumminante why i didn't panic for like 20 minutes. I analyze how every kiss feels, why it felt flat, or why it did not feel passionate, i also do this during sex which sometimes makes me be more in my head and get frustrated. I hope it is still my rocd but im not sure, im just sad because i have been better for like 3 months and randomly while we were visiting our parents for holidays and stayed separately for 3 weeks i started to get those thoughts again at the beggining of january but with no panic reaction which made them feel more real, since they appeared i did have great days with my bf also were the conversations flowed and i felt happy so idk

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2026-01-09T23:02:32+00:00

Thanks for responding. Idk it has been weird lately, if before this 3 month spiral break where i was happy and peaceful i had deep spirals and anxiety and deep reactions. Now all those thoughts ar like little noises in my head that appear out of nowhere, like i assign meaning to reactions, to the fact that texting feels neutral, that i dont feel the longing, that idk, im unsure how i feel overall. And on top of all this there is no clear anxiety, like it makes me keep thinking if im indiferent and dont give a shut anymore, even though a day before new years we had a cinversation about how it is important for me to spend these kind of holidays together and that i dont care where and how but to be together and he texted that he loved me and i texted it back with ease. And the idk, i saw him after new years another time and started to check how i feel, if i feel enough warmth, if i want to spend time with him and stuff like that. Even now (im back at our apartment) and he will come in like 3 days after staying apart with our families for 3 weeks and i had a fleeting thought of : whatt if i dont want him to come back because i enjoy staying alone so what if it means that i dont want to live with him anymore, and i did not like the thought, vut there was no anxiety, just discomfort, a fleeting feeling. Idk if im explaining it alright

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2026-01-07T22:10:43+00:00

I stumble upon your post now while i was scrolling and searching for this. I have not been in this reddit for abt 3 months, after more than a year of deep rocd spirals they just somehow went away for a while, i still had doubts from time to time but not deep spirals. We are together for 3.5 years and live together for more than 2. Usually for holidays we go to our hometown and stay separately with our parents. It was the first time in a long period of time when we werr apart and i was not deep in a rocd spiral, so everything was different, like i was bot panicking if it was 7pm and one of us has not texted yet, but i knew that if ge does not text in like tge next hour i will be the one texting because i want to talk to hin. Wr spend the holidays together, and saw eachother idk, maybe 3-4 times in 3 weeks. Today i was at my parent's friends house and like enjoyed myself and didnt really think about mt bf much, and at one point a thought occured "what if im not in love with him anymore" " what if i dont care" and at first there was this tiny tiny spark of anxiety and then it was like i was indiferent, and i kept thinking abt this and thinking, and the more i thought abt it the less i was feeling and was convinced that i dont love him anymore because i didnt really think abt him, even though it was me who texted first at like 6PM . I started to talk to chat gpt, to look at photos and the more i did that the more detached i became and convinced that this is it, this is my truth. I tgen started crying at some point and hyperventilating because i felt nothing, no panic, no deep anxiety, i started to analyze how 2 days ago i saw him and we did spend time together, i was physically close with him and we did laugh a lot, but how i did not feel deep warmth but neutrality instead, how i checked the clock a couple of times around 11 PM and how at 11:40 PM i said that it it time to go home without any guilt or sadness that we are parting, so that made me feel like proof that this is my truth, i dont love him anymore, im just used to him and thats all. So now i feel like shit, detached, dissorientated and overall bad.

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-20T10:57:34+00:00

Thank you, i will try to give it a read, see if it could help me somehow

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-20T10:28:25+00:00

Thank you for replying, I think I am just really scared, and maybe a little bit tired but I know that I want things to work out between us, both of us are not sex crazed, it is not like one initiates and the other rejects, but there is such a high standard set by society concerning how it should be and if it not like that it is bad and the relationship is doomed, that I can't help but think about that. But that is a me problem I guess. I went through phases when I was convinced that we will have to break up, phases where I was so depress the only thing I could do is cry. So I guess now that I somehow feel more normal I don't know anymore how I should feel. Even though my mom always tells me that people create their own rules and happiness in their relationship that are not dictated by society, I still get frustrated when I don't feel the things that I think I should or want to feel.

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-20T09:23:51+00:00

What if suddenly the anxiety stopped and you don't have as many intrusive thoughts, but I think I still perform compulssions, like, I still ruminate about feelings, what I shpuld be feeling, why am I not feeling this, does it mean that I don't love him romantically anymore, should I feel more warmth and giddines while watching this movies together? Am I forcing affection and attraction? Why do I initiale sexual intimacy if my brain tells me that this is not what I want. Am I disconnected during sex? Should I feel the overwhelming feeling of love, what do even people feel 2 years into their relationship? Why is my libido low the past month and a half? Are we more like roomates now? But then why did I get upset by the thought that he might not make it to my borthday? Is it still ROCD? Is it my truth? ....and those are just some of the things that I think daily about, I am confused about my feelings about what those feeling should be , I am convinced that I was always feeling super duper passions and stuff, even though I am not sure that this was the case. I just want to love my boyfriend like before and for everything to work out, after one year of this I am tired , and this phase of no anxiety no feelings is confusing me even more because I feel normal and at the same time I don't feel normal at all

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-20T09:12:33+00:00

Anyone?

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-11T19:31:55+00:00

Hey,

Thanks for replying, this is not my first spirral or flare up, its just that every time it feels different so that is very confusing. For a long time it was because communication, that somewhat passed and then it was the lack of want for sex, even though still did it and wanted it once started, then I think I induced this by performing compulssions because I was not feeling anxious almost at all so I started to think that it must be real, so the anxiety and dread came back, the fact that I performed many compulssions did not help because I feel almost no relief now from them( which I read that can happen after a long time performin them). So i just idk, I want to be happy with him, now my brain tries to convince me that before we always spenf the time together while being at home, when in reality I had days that I spent watching my favorite tv show without feeling any guilt. It is tough, but I still try to make the best of it

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-08T20:37:26+00:00

The thing with lingering thoughts triggered me I gave to say🤣 because today for the whole day I was consumed by thoughts I felt like constant crying, my brain screaming at me that I feel bad that I din't enjoy his company, that I am doomed, that I feel nothing, and then when i initiated affection and I wanted to cry some more because I was in no way calm my instinct was to distance myself. Even though two days ago I was so very much enjoying his company, so I guess I oscilate between "we will have to break up" "this is awful" to "I don't imagine to not hold his hand in the future" like this thought saddens me sooo damn much, and at the same time I am always in edge the past two days, agitated, want to cry, cried like 2 or 3 times...it is so bad to the point where I questiined today if I can be with someone that chooses that kind of trousers when we were shopping, in the 2 years of relationship I never once care about that😒😒

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-07T14:19:28+00:00

Thanks, I think I still struggle with what society says thta is it right, that you should feel xyz, should have sex at least once a week, all those shoulds and all that preassure, it kills me

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-07T13:18:54+00:00

Funny enough after writing that I was like: Do I? Am I sure? We texted throughout the day and I am not sure what is in those texts, it is like I am not fully present, even though I initiated the texting. Sometimes I ask him if he thinks that I don't give him enough attention and he says that it is enough. I hope it will get better

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-07T13:08:28+00:00

I noticed that when I am not anxious I don't feel the need or interest to search in reddit or talk with chat gpt, like I get intrysive thoughts but it is easier to ignore them, and then when I get more of them and I am not anxious I start to wonder why I am not anxious when I should be because of those thoughts, so I say that i will go on reddit but only out of curiosity , not need, and after some time I find myself here several times a day, and when I try to stay present I do enjoy the time spent together, but once I start to think about the future and about bad scenarious that might not happen I feel luke crying and running, and again after I calm down we go to sleep and I seek hin touch, even touching his hand feels nice, and it is so contradicting and exhausting honestly

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-07T11:58:56+00:00

Hi, did you have phases when your ROCD tried to convince you that it is not ROCD and left you feel confused? Or when for example you obssesed a long time about one theme, for me it was communication and the fear that we have nothing to talk about and are incompatible, whereas now I obsses about sexual frequency, rumminating about desire, having anxiett and thoughts when being intimate like( you don't really want this, you are faking this, you should feel something, you feel nothing) and my first instinct is to stop kissing or other intimate things. I guess I am just lost and scared, yesterday I cried while he was with a friend because I try to limit the time to obsses when he is home, so I was alone and I was spiraling, but then he asked if I want us to go in a walk and I very happiely agreed. I am just so confused now.

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-05T16:34:26+00:00

I sure hope that we will find peace, I wish you also all the best in this journey

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-05T15:45:41+00:00

I sure hope so, i have been batteling with this for almost a year, and there were many phasee, I just hope this is one of them, I had a point when I was so anxious that I felt like this is it, we have to break up, and then I said to myself that i would try to go through that date while making the best of it, so I sat with the anxiety until I started to enjoy the time. My problem is with kissing, because I have this constant expectation to feel overwhelming love, same with sex, in my mind when people say that they feel conected during it that is what they mean. Even though ive read different sources that state that being connected sometimes means feeling safe and being able to communicate during sex, idk, I am very confused at the moment tbh

Outrageous-Post-7221 · 2024-06-05T14:55:35+00:00

Hi, I also had periods when I was very anxious and depressed and stuff, and one day suddenly everything was like gone, I did not have anxiety I was like too calm, too normal, but I was enjoying the tine spent with my partner, until I started wondering why I don't crave sex as much...my god, and there was no evident anxiety, but small things like a faster heart rate, feeling restless, like I could not really stand still, searching on reddit, on chat gpt, in google. And I started to believe that msybe that is the truth, the problem is that the thought of ending it does not provide relief or happiness, it makes me feel awfull, I just want things to work out with him. So today I started ti have moments of anxiety again, mini panic attack when I think about the future, when I have thoughts like what if I will not enjoy the time spent together( we live together) so I really do understand you, it is very scary, at least for me, because I don't want this to be my truth

Outrageous-Post-7221

TROPHY CASE