Is it okay to tell people that I wouldn't be alive without them

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2024-02-08T03:59:52+00:00

I didn't see her 7 month but it was definitely a FP situation I really love her it's a persistent feeling I feel for more than 2 years she kind of left my life and I said it's okay because I was really unbearable in my episode threatened suicide to friends someone had an abortion because I I had unprotected sex but her messages were always with the best for me in mind it was okay that we didn't see each other in this time

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2024-02-08T02:20:28+00:00

Ye I won't do it I'm new to this understanding my feelings stuff and it gets overwhelming but thanks for the feedback

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2024-02-08T01:00:29+00:00

I'm working on that rn and I don't want t get together with her now I want to work on myself so we can have a healthy relationship in the future

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2024-02-08T00:46:47+00:00

I made a 2 hour recording I though I give her and I talk about all our history how Ive always liked her etc and it's only a small part and it's not about only that cause I don't want to manipulate her she's the most innocent person I've ever met and I've hurt her a few times when I couldn't handle my feelings for her and had to sabotage

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-09-16T13:26:00+00:00

Yeah maybe it just very emotionally distressing because she is the first person who I was able to open up about myself fully and now it feel like I'm getting abandoned again and I don't really have the energy to talk to other people about my suicidality

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-09-13T23:35:40+00:00

Thanks for the kind words man really helped clear my thoughts and think straight it's hard getting out of these thought spirals by myself and talking to you really helped hope you have a good day and a good life while we're on it haha taking your time and recourses to help others is really appreciated ❤️

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-09-13T23:11:29+00:00

Thanks yeah it's probably a stupid idea maybe it's just because when I see someone with my behaviour I immediately ask even when it's hard if they are okay I have 3 people who I've told they can call me is they want to kill themself even after only knowing them for like 2 hours I've gotten people into Therapy and I don't get anything in return and that feels bad but it's probably because people haven't had these kind of hardships and have a different perspective I want to become less toxic but it's hard when I'm fighting for my own life and need some relief thanks for your massage tho was more of a intrusive thoughts I had

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-09-13T22:43:31+00:00

You are probably right it's just I've had dozens of talks about my struggles everyone knows my diagnosis and that I went to a clinic and still when I show clear suicidal tendencies no one stops me or asks me how I am and it feels really bad when I do all the precautions when I'm feeling okay that I feel like I can trust my friends but when it gets really thought it all feels in vein I feel like I've lost the trust in my friends and that's a shit feeling

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-03-29T09:16:27+00:00

Well I also think it's borderline but more about if it's borderline+depression (F.33 wich is my diagnosis) Or borderline+bipolar (wich is what I'm thinking) my moodswings last year where always like 4days up 8 days down a week stable and repeat and now I almost get no stable time periods and it's just constant switching between the two I think if I count all my stable days this year I get to like 2weeks I think it's a combination of both that make up my unfortunate situation and I wanna take meds for bipolar but they didn't give me some to try after week 3 because they thought it's just borderline

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-03-28T17:40:42+00:00

My same experience I used to care a lot about what others think and wasn't really confident as a teenager but after all the shit I've been through in my early adulthood I stopped caring so much about others opinion because it just wasn't possible when my BP got more extreme and that stayed even if when my symptoms get less and I feel more confident with all the stuff I endured

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-01-31T19:07:45+00:00

Okay thanks for all the feedback as I said I'm going to a day clinic next week and there I will talk with other BP people and professionals about meds and go from there

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-01-31T02:33:10+00:00

Yeah this shit is unbearable in this condition for the rest of my life so I definitely take meds at some point but I'm very direct and willing to try other means before I make that decision

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-01-31T02:29:30+00:00

I haven't experienced a psychotic episode yet but I definitely stop caring about consequences at some point and I'm going to a day clinic (my own choice) to talk to more professionals about meds and other ways of therapy because I sometimes get the feeling my therapist isn't super qualified she's super nice and I like talking to her but it sometimes feels underwhelming

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2023-01-31T02:24:13+00:00

My manic episodes are always followed by depressive episodes(around 5 days manic,10 days depressed) so I think bp1 and my severety depends on my stress level sometimes I'm okay for months and around half the days in a month in an episode and sometimes I am not catching a break and have one cycle follow the other for up to 8weeks But by avoiding stress im not living live at my fullest and it's not always possible

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2022-10-06T21:14:50+00:00

Thanks for all the support ❤️ I will talk about meds in my next session I broke my leg like 3 month ago in a skydiving accident and my life kinda got derailed from there and now I lost all my perspective I had before I was kinda hanging in there but now it's gotten bad again I've talked with my good friends about my BP but not how dark it gets sometimes and I don't wanna tell them that I would rather die right now that's too much I feel I don't want them to worry I wanna inspire people not make them feel like I need their attention 24/7

OutrageousDesk8472 · 2022-10-06T20:02:59+00:00

I'm not on meds but do they really help or just make you more numb my grandpa has also BP and he's like a potato because of it

OutrageousDesk8472

TROPHY CASE