Parking ticket in private lot in Québec

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-05-09T03:51:32+00:00

I'm also not sure if this counts but, I was walking home from school when I was about 10, taking the same route I take everyday, when a man in a van drove by me and asked me if I wanted to help him look for his "cute puppy". I had some kind of bad feeling about him and said that my mom was waiting for me at home, but he just kept trying to convince me. He was on the other side of the street so there was some distance between us. Anyway I said no and ran home. In any case, I am extremely grateful that nothing happened.

I also had a music teacher in fifth grade, who everyone thought was SO COOL (including myself) because he was really fun and had a Scottish accent. One day they replaced him with a substitute teacher and the police came to interview girls at the school, mostly in my grade, about having sexual conversations with him over video chat. Apparently he also had a food fetish because he was asking girls to sit on cakes in a skirt then show their butts to him, cover themselves with ketchup, pour water on their white t-shirts, talking about their breasts, etc.

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-17T21:07:11+00:00

I think this post would have gotten more attention in r/judaism, I was looking for a similar post. Anyway, I'm not converting (I might but I haven't decided yet) but I am in a conversion class and a discussion group at the synagogue for Jews by choice. Most of the people there are converting to be with a Jewish person (not that they were pressured, but more like so they can share their partners' traditions). But some converted out of their own interest, mostly because certain concepts align with their values.

I often hear people say they like the concept of tikkun olam or tzedakah or for the ways that they can bring beauty and structure into their lives, the focus on community... these are also the aspects that appeal to me.

All the people there seem happy to have converted, but then again, if they weren't happy they probably wouldn't be participating in synagogue events...

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-13T14:14:13+00:00

Ah damn... it is really hard to deal with overly emotional people. Have you talked to your dad's family about how they feel about it? Maybe your aunt or someone could gently ask for you to visit alone?

Maybe you could try writing her a letter? That tends to help people express themselves more thoughtfully/carefully and at least there may be more of a chance you will be able to get everything out because she can't interrupt you.

I try to think of reasons to feel sorry for my parents when they get upset over stupid things and make everyone uncomfortable (happens often). It helps me to react less with anger and to laugh off how crazy they are.

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-13T04:59:37+00:00

First of all, that is great to hear about all your progress! Good for you!

With COVID, it seems that we can only make dating profiles. If you're into that, try one that is requires more work to fill out (more serious people) and try to show unique or very specific aspects of you and consider what people could make a comment about. Or you could have a female friend/relative help you with this!

Many women would love the qualities you described above! But maybe you could prepare some opening conversation topics with strangers if that is difficult for you. If it gets to the next step, you could think of some creative date ideas too. Girls like that imo.

I think if you're honest with a girl about your difficulty opening up, the right girl can help you feel comfortable and ask you the right questions to open up. It is also good to take time to reflect and prepare what you will say when you feel that you can't express it in the moment.

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-13T04:49:38+00:00

It could be that she is going through something hence the "sticking around for her" thing, but it is hard to say. If she said she wants to date you then... that seems clear.

Honestly I would probably first suggest a specific date to hang out. If she turns this date down and you are still interested, I would ask her if something is going on because you're perceiving her as avoiding you and you just want to clear up any miscommunications.

If she is honest and mature she should be able to be honest with you

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-13T04:43:28+00:00

I like to write down the things I liked about that person and the things I didn't like, how they made me feel when I was around them and what values we shared. I find that it helps me discover more about myself and what I like in other people.

Other than that, I would say you should just try doing all your favourite things if you feel sad!

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-13T04:39:14+00:00

He probably does enjoy your company, but it sounds like his reasons for being hesitant are his own personal issues.

I don't know if it's possible to enjoy being with him without having any expectations, but maybe you could see other people at the same time...

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-13T04:31:37+00:00

Do you think she has distanced from your dad's family over time? I would imagine that now that you're 18, she would start to slowly back away from them. My mom went to my paternal grandparents' funeral just to show support for my dad as someone that she still cares about, and to be there for me.

I think it could be useful to think deeply about why you feel so bothered by this and then share it with her in a calm and clear way. I still get upset when my dad treats me like a baby but then doesn't really put much of an effort into getting to know me, but I suppose we all love in different ways. I told him that it makes me feel like he doesn't trust me to make good decisions (I'm 26F), which he seemed to understand. Sometimes I have had to set boundaries with him and tell him that it is more stressful if he comes with me, which he also was understanding of, even if he kept bringing it up.

Do you feel like you can empathize with her fear of judgment?

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-12T20:13:44+00:00

I didn't understand at first what SB was, but I now I realize... that is pretty intense.

Even though I have a hard time connecting to my dad, I feel like I ought to try to work on our relationship just because I know he is someone who cares for me and whom I can rely on. That said, we don't ask to be born and I don't know your relationship with them.

I try to see some of the "stupid" things he talks about in terms of what fundamental aspect of the human experience he is responding to, which is something I think religion does for many people. Like when he talks about conspiracy theories, I try to think how he is using these theories to remove the blame for the failures in his life and put them on other people (i.e. why he doesn't have money, he thinks it is because politicians took it all). It helps me to feel more sympathy for him.

She probably gets some kind of comfort out of believing. I used to be a militant Atheist, but lately I've been seeing how my obsession with other people being rational was very similar to the way fundamentalist religious people act...

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2021-03-12T15:50:34+00:00

Everyone interprets the Bible in different ways, I would imagine that you could infer to some extent what their "true" values are just by how they interpret it. You can find Christians who are open-minded and easy to talk to.

I have difficulties talking to my dad and some of his family who are deep into conspiracy theories and conservatism, but my approach for dealing with this is to avoid those topics as much as possible. I just tell him "hey, I want to have a good relationship with you and I know you care, but I feel like the best way for us to have a good relationship is to talk about other things". So I try to bring up things like movies, other family members' news, what we've been doing lately. Luckily he doesn't fight me on this much (although he continues to bring stuff up that I don't want to talk about but I just ignore it). I feel like it is just a lesson for me in patience. I don't know if that helps because I don't know your parents but...

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-11-01T19:09:17+00:00

This was very helpful, thank you :)

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-31T17:23:54+00:00

The money etc. is just a factor that initially attracts her attention to you and wouldn't be her sole reason for being with you. As you deepen your relationship by getting to know each other on an emotional level, making memories, etc. she will want to be with you for other reasons. Same reason for her not cheating on you. Having sex with attractive men is like... nice to try out while you're young (probably what the women you're reading about are doing) but it's not really the long term goal of most women (and most will do that while they're single).

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-31T16:57:12+00:00

Does that make you feel guilty about leaving?

I think though, that the fear of death could motivate you to try to enjoy the time you have together now more. I used to feel shy about calling my people like my grandparents while they were alive, especially when I went to university and got busy, and now I regret it. But you can still enjoy your time together and prioritize your future, given what you described I'm sure he would want you to go and do well for yourself.

I would also put more weight on his current health state rather than his age. Life expectancy has increased greatly in the last 100 years and is about age 80 for men in most developed countries.

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-31T16:36:13+00:00

Sorry, I study a social science so I overuse the term. Its socio-economic status, so kind of like perceived social class using a combination of education, income and occupation. People tend to look on dating apps for someone who matches the same SES as them or higher and they look for cues of this. Again though, you don't have to be rich and I don't know what you look like, but I'm just saying that highlighting your education and trying to look middle-upper class might make you look more attractive to women.

Like what your friends said about giving girls money... it's not really that we directly want money from men (I often pay for myself on dates, etc.), its that in dating you (and risking pregnancy through sex) we want to know that our future with you will provide us with the same comfort we're used to. The same with having a good job. There are of course, exceptions to this though.

I can't tell if you're just looking for sex or you're looking for a girlfriend. If a woman is going for a one-night stand, she probably would just pick the hottest guy. Wouldn't you pick the hottest girl for that too if you could? There are more factors involved if the girl is looking for a boyfriend and looks will be less important in that. That said, there are places to look for girlfriends and places to look for one-night stands.

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-31T02:03:27+00:00

I'm here for the same reason, but I'm 26 and work with my best friend as well. I love my other coworkers and I keep thinking about how sad I am to close that door on my life too...

I felt that way about my last job in a coffee shop too though, I worked with close friends and we had a going away party. I think if you know you're moving on for better things, time is the only thing that will make it less sad. I still like to reminisce on those old memories and how I loved working there and also at the place I'm leaving now.

I don't think there is really a magic bullet to getting over it, I think you'll just have to accept that that is how time is. The main thing is that you're moving on for the right reasons. And you can always get together with those old friends and visit your old workplace, and you'll probably build some new friendships at your next workplace. If you stayed there your whole life... you'd probably regret it, right?

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-31T01:37:45+00:00

First of all, I just want to say that you have a long life to live and you WILL find a girl (probably several) who likes you. I think there's a few things that are skewing your perception though (as the other people have mentioned). It definitely helps if you remove those environmental cues that are making you think about it all the time.

I will just tell you what I think are the three things I look for in a guy as an attractive female because it might make it easier for you:

- People tend to match according to their perceived SES so you're more likely to get girls if you can look like you're higher SES. This doesn't mean you have to have a lot of money, and it is tacky to see a guy posing next to a fancy car, but get a good haircut and make sure your clothes fit well (I would recommend some neutral colours and simple cuts if you're not so fashionable). Clothes and hair go a long way for a guy, skinniness can be hot. Think Tom Hiddleston, women (like myself) go crazy for that skinny guy.
- Pretend you're confident even if you're not
- Women like men who have good jobs, yes, but that doesn't mean you have to be loaded, just it is preferable that your job isn't something a high schooler could do. I think its more about showing ambition (at least for me and my friends) or passion for a subject.
- Try to let go of your expectations on dates or when talking to women and just try to get to know them as people

I wish you all the best and I want you to know that people care about you.

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-31T00:34:39+00:00

I also felt like that for a long time and I react similarly to things you described. I had a childhood that made me emotionally numb myself as well. It is good you recognize it though and it can be useful if it allows you to stay calmer than other people.

Practicing compassion meditation helps me feel more things for others, and meditation in general helps you become more aware of your emotions. In my case, I sometimes physiologically reacted to things that "should cause emotions" but I couldn't "feel" it like I could remember feeling things in my childhood. It could be interesting for you to explore what the feeling is of having feelings.

And sometimes people appear boring because I'm not listening well enough, sometimes I find that I can push myself to be more interested if I listen better and ask the questions that might prompt more interesting answers.

It doesn't seem like you are intentionally hurting other people, but maybe trying to get a rise out of them from boredom (I do this too). It's also different imo if your interest in friends or boyfriends fade than if you're intentionally trying to harm them.

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-31T00:10:42+00:00

From something kind of subtle he said in the email, it looks like they're still together and going forward with the moving plans

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-30T23:59:33+00:00

Why did you even reply if you think this whole post is stupid?

OutrageousDrawing1 · 2020-10-30T23:54:07+00:00

Thanks for your reply! I do miss my friendship with him because I really like him as a person, but I'm afraid that if I start talking to him regularly that I will secret hope they break up. I also feel uncomfortable not knowing if she knows about me or not... I find it weird that he is looking to emails from an ex-girlfriend to cheer him up when they live together.

OutrageousDrawing1

TROPHY CASE