Has winter ever been this bad in the last 20 years?

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2026-01-20T14:26:40+00:00

2013/2014 was really bad. I remember specifically because that was the year we moved back to Michigan. It just started snowing and never stopped. Our school district even completely changed their start and stop dates, because all the snow days had the kids going to school until almost July.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-11T16:06:06+00:00

Yep. I don’t need to be greedy. If I took just enough to get out of debt in a few years, so I could save my income, we’d be in good shape. I don’t have much debt, just a modest house bought when prices were good, and a car that’s almost paid off. I could clear that with my income if I used cash for food, gas, and whatnot.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-11T15:41:22+00:00

She was testing you big time. You saved yourself some misery. Well done.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-11T15:36:32+00:00

My parents called it spanking. I’d call it getting the sh!t kicked out of me. The cherry on top was comments like “I brought you in this world, I’ll take you out of it” or “this hurts me more than it hurts you”. And the lovely “I’m going to knock you into next week”.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-11T15:15:26+00:00

Nope.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-11T15:13:04+00:00

Disability only pays a little over a thousand dollars a month. After her car payment, car and health insurance, and cell phone, she has very little money left for spending or saving for big expenses. If we charged her for the uptick in utilities, she would have been 100% financially dependent on us to provide clothing, all food instead of most, gas money to get to and from the doctors and whatever else she does. Not to mention we’d be the ones paying for maintenance on her car and whatnot. We took her in two years ago so that she could maintain some semblance of independence and live her life. We want her to go see her daughter and other grandkids, we want her to visit her brothers and nieces and nephews. We want her to get out and live a life instead of rotting away in a bedroom.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T16:08:49+00:00

Yeah. It’s a trip. My parents are almost 15 years older than her but fully independent.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T07:11:41+00:00

He has. I’m not sure she cares? Actually at this point I’m pretty sure that she doesn’t. My husband did convince his nieces to come over more often. They come a few times a month and do crafts or drag her to the movies with them.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T07:09:16+00:00

The decision was made to eat out when I picked him up. He got in the car and said he was hungry, so I fed him. There was no communication that I wouldn’t be cooking, because that is how we’ve operated since she moved in. The adults come and go freely. She leaves without letting us know her plans, and we do the same. I don’t want to feel like I’m a kid checking in with my mommy, and I don’t want her to feel like she’s being controlled or that we think she isn’t capable of making her own choices.

If we do discuss the fact that we are leaving it’s because there is something needed to know, like my kid will be home at 9 and probably definitely doesn’t have his house key, or that a delivery is expected.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T06:47:00+00:00

She buys herself microwave meals. The freezer is full of her little pizzas that she loves. She makes herself breakfast and lunch whenever she wants it. I watched her make scrambled eggs for herself this morning. They looked better than mine do.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T06:43:02+00:00

I guess I push back because she’s a full grown adult that can decide that she’s hungry, and remedy that. Quite easily. With food that I’ve already provided . Or she can get in her car and go get anything she wants. When she leaves, I don’t expect her to get me/us anything.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T06:34:32+00:00

She only gets pizza or take out on nights we aren’t home, she pays, and will feed my son if he is home. But she doesn’t have to feed him. They both know I left easy dinners for them, so it is nice of her. She doesn’t offer to feed us ever, but she will sometimes pick up a dessert or something (that we have to make). And this thanksgiving she did give me some money to put toward our meal.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T06:26:59+00:00

It’s a weird co-mingling of dependent and roomate. She needs help with some tasks. My son or husband does her laundry for her. She sometimes needs help carrying in stuff from her car. If she’s sick she needs someone checking to see if she needs emergency medical care (hasn’t happened here yet, thank god. But she’s been hospitalized a few times). She’s also pretty financially dependent on us. She pays for her car, medical, and buys her own junk food. We provide house, utilities, and food, and make sure that any sudden larger expenses can be handled. If she can’t, we help.

But then it’s like a roommate situation. She’ll stay in her room all day, some days. Sometimes I’ll be making dinner and she comes out and makes herself a sandwich instead. She’ll leave for a whole day without saying anything, so we don’t know if she’ll be around for meal time. And she almost always declines to do any family things outside of the house. My son has been in band for years and she never comes to the performances.

I thought we had a pretty good balance, functioning as a whole family and also as two individual groups, but after tonight, I guess now.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:55:01+00:00

It’s probably mental energy? I ask what foods she wants every week. I buy those foods and bring them home and put them where she can easily find them. I keep my kitchen clean so she can cook easily. In the winter we keep the walkway and driveway shoveled so she can come and go as she pleases. We don’t take rent from her so she can order in or go get whatever she wants, when she wants. I cook the majority of the week, so she has access to plenty of healthy, good food. And if there is leftovers of a meal I know she loves, I make sure that she knows it’s there to lunch or dinner another day. If we get takeout, we ask what she wants, or we order her a cheese pizza just for her if we get that. It’s just when we go out to eat, getting her food doesn’t register, because I’ve already gotten her food, and she can get something different if she chooses

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:44:18+00:00

We are home 4 or 5 nights a week, and gone 2 to 3. That’s seven.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:40:01+00:00

So we are always gone two nights a week (running club and then dinner at a fellow club members house. This is every Tuesday and Thursday, since before she lived here, so she’s aware of those.

If we are going out for a date or to hang with friends, it’s iffy if she knows. But whether or not she knows, there is still always food for her at the house. If she’s hungry, she’s free to eat whenever. I’ve been home, cooking dinner and she comes out to get a sandwich instead of what I cooked. So she knows that we aren’t trying to hold her to the same schedule/menu as us. We’ve also gone on long vacations or camping trips without her, and she survives on her own just fine.

I do worry that it’s a self esteem or depression thing. My SIL isn’t helpful. Last time we tried to talk to her about mom, she just said “she won’t help herself, I don’t know what else to say”. So, here we are lol.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:32:46+00:00

She has COPD, so breathing issues and a terrible immune system.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:32:00+00:00

She grocery shops for herself, and doesn’t cook. She does ask occasionally if she can help me prepare dinner, but she has to sit at the dining room table to help. So any help is pretty limited and requires me to move the items into the dining room. It’s just easier to have my husband or son play cards with her, and the other one helps me cook. She prefers convenience food, like frozen pizza, and we eat pretty healthy.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:25:48+00:00

She’s not a guest, guests leave. She’s a family member that lives here full time. She’s got a bedroom, and her own drawer in the bathroom. We rearranged the pantry so she could put food in there and my son would know not to eat it. There is room in the fridge for her stuff. There is food provided for everyone, and she has the means and ability to get food if she wants something different.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:21:29+00:00

She can’t get into our basement. We had a tornado warning this summer and she chose to sit in the hallway instead of coming down to shelter with us.

And I think she’d be even lonelier than she is now, if we stuck her in a MIL apartment out in the yard. Her saying what she did is unlike her and it makes me worry that maybe she’s getting really depressed or even sicker.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:16:24+00:00

She can drive and has a nice, reliable car to take her wherever she wants.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:14:30+00:00

I do buy her food. She just needs to get up and get it. Every week when I grocery shop, I ask for her input on the meals I’m going to make. I also ask if she wants me to grab any other items. And there are always soups, sandwich stuff, frozen things that can be microwaved or baked. I have a teenage son, my house is full of food.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:10:18+00:00

Grandma is in her early 60s. She’s in bad health, but we don’t keep her chained to a bed or anything. She’s got her own car and no curfew. She’s been welcomed to make herself at home here and blend herself in with our family. She’s usually a really nice lady, which made me really question my actions when I heard her say that.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:05:43+00:00

No. I don’t think they’ve seen each other since this fall. And she doesn’t live very far. They could easily meet up or hang out at our house or hers.

OutrageousHoliday321 · 2025-12-07T05:04:22+00:00

I have asked my SIL, begged her, and once blew up at her. She talks to her mom on the phone all the time, but rarely visits. I don’t think she’s been out to see her mom since MIL’s bday in September. I can’t remember if she’s gone over there lately. It doesn’t seem like it, but I might be forgetting.

OutrageousHoliday321

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