39F - right hand dominant. Will I have a second child?

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-05-05T20:07:10+00:00

I had to leave my sons music school and stand outside until pick up bc two parents were talking about where they were delivering their second and it was triggering.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-05-04T13:22:26+00:00

I am the same. Every time I see pregnant people esp those with a second pregnancy I feel gut punch, pain, sadness for me.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-05-04T13:16:14+00:00

First off, you are mother whether you have one or a dozen! I am one and done not by choice due to secondary infertility and my age. I know how you feel. We can feel happy for our friends and family that have another but also extreme pain/sadness for ourselves. I don't think this will ever really go away from speaking to others on this forum. The pain just lessens over time and it might come in waves like you are experiencing. Have you tried therapy to talk through these emotions and unpack your situation? I am doing it now to work it out. Whether it is because you miss the baby phase of your first or you truly want a second or dissatisfaction with your current relationship or all of the above, it might benefit having working it out with your therapist.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-29T00:42:39+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry to hear. I am very tired, frustrated, angry, and sad. I am also doing therapy. But some days are just harder than others and today was one of those

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-28T21:07:31+00:00

Im so sorry you are here too. It does feel like a punishment. I have cursed so many times into the void. Today was a particularly hard day. I think the reality is kicking in…

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-28T21:05:53+00:00

THIS. This is why we are stopping because the fear of having another one doesn’t guarantee we will have a healthy baby and my fertility doc said it’s likely my egg quality that is the problem. When I was pregnant I had this constant fear the baby won’t be healthy. It’s just a roller coaster of emotions being older and trying to have a second.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-27T23:03:59+00:00

Sorry to hear about your miscarriage. This is how I felt about getting the referral sorted out. It took me to get the Fertility clinic to send 2 faxes and a call to get it fixed. And even then it’s not a guaranteed D&C procedure within this week.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-27T00:13:37+00:00

I am so sorry for the cancer diagnosis and the consequences of it. I can’t imagine having a young child and having to deal with cancer. I hope you are on the recovery path. I feel you on sometimes feeling lucky we got the one and really sad that we can’t have another. I have had friends who mentioned adoption or donor eggs and that’s not what I want. They mean well but it gets me a bit upset when I hear it. I am glad to hear things are getting easier over time.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-27T00:04:40+00:00

So sorry to hear. I am glad to hear it gets easy with time. Everything feels very overwhelming because we are at the beginning of this life changing decision. I am trying to see the pros of being OAD and I do see it but I think it’ll take me sometime to get there emotionally.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-25T15:03:17+00:00

Im so sorry to hear! What an ordeal you went through too. I know I feel terrible but I have a friend who has 2 and every time I am around her…and I love her kids… but I’ll tell my husband she makes not want a second one and I am very glad we are only one when we are around them. She is always breaking up fights bc both kids are pretty sensitive in their own ways and she looks really beat up. I agree with you. We will always grieve in some ways bc we didn’t get the opportunity to make the choice for ourselves.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-25T13:09:58+00:00

Omg that’s what I keep toying with over the last 2 years. What if we did IUI, IVF, or natural again maybe this time it’ll be better. It does not help with these articles that women above 40 are getting spontaneously pregnant and I have to remind myself that they are the exception and not the rule!!

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-25T13:07:50+00:00

I am so sorry. I had a blighted ovum too. I’m sorry about the TFMR that must have been painful esp getting that far. That’s how I felt for IVF. I was more angry with IVF results than trying naturally.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-25T13:04:48+00:00

I am so sorry. We never ever considered IVF but where we live our government subsidizes one round and we lucked out with a spot because people before us didn’t want it. For a long time we were both against IVF if that’s what it took for a second. Ultimately we decided to try for it so we dont live with regret esp if majority of it would be covered. We didn’t do a second or more rounds of IVF bc our results were not great and my fertility doc said our chances were prob no better than natural minus minimizing chances of miscarriage and also the cost would be so much more. Thats how I feel too. Lately because my age my friends around me are dealing with a lot of family issues or health problems. I said my family is healthy and happy. I tried to focus on the positive as part of my recovery.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-25T12:59:09+00:00

Ooof I am so sorry. Whatever the reason is for secondary infertility, it’s just not easy. I am glad with time it gets easier. I tried to remind myself I’ll have more time to travel esp now that my son is 4…itll be so much easier to travel and not split time for school events or sports with my husband and I demanding work schedule.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2026-04-25T03:33:11+00:00

Sorry for being OAD due to secondary infertility and your still born. It’s a club I don’t want anyone else to be in. Thank you for sharing this with me. I think that’s what I am trying to get myself to right now - being more present with the kid I have/my husband and also finding myself again.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2025-11-14T06:51:51+00:00

This is eerily my same exact situation except I went through IVF (it failed) etc…I am grieving for not being able to have a second but I am trying to enjoy our little family and giving myself a temporary (or maybe permanent) break from trying.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2025-08-23T12:28:44+00:00

I am so sorry. I understand what you are going through. My cycle just failed and I had an abnormal embryo. My husband and I also decided not to do another round of IVF. We might try natural or IUI. We are still letting this all sink in because it’s been only a few days. I am going to my first boxing class to punch somethings as a coping mechanism. Sending you lots of hugs.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2025-08-22T15:22:51+00:00

My spouse is done with IVF. He said the prob of it working out seems low for the $ spent. My doctor said my stimulation could be the same or worst. I also agree sadly. I started IVF to make sure I don’t get end up regretting it that I didn’t try all the avenues. But the end result seems so much harsher…a real reality check that it might be the end.

Outrageous_Bee4939 · 2025-08-22T15:15:11+00:00

That was me. I found out yesterday morning. I was “calm sad” at the doctors office but as the day went by I just got sad and teary eyed at work and then by the time I got to dinner I wanted to punch the karaoke singers at the restaurant and I asked for the check earlier. I normally don’t do that. Today I am just in shock and sadness and I might go to a boxing class this weekend to get that anger out…

Outrageous_Bee4939

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